End's Beginning
by 5Mississippis
Summary: Lives change after Leonard is critically injured.
1. Chapter 1

A season five story set before _The Recombination Hypothesis._

I play rough with my toys but always return them safely.

Title taken from the absolutely wonderful and heartbreaking [but hopeful] Leonard & Penny video _Shattered_ brilliantly edited by xJenWith1Nx.

…..

Violence

Medically Graphic

Hurt/Comfort

Angst

Eventual L/P

…..

End's Beginning

Standing just outside the vestibule doors of his apartment building, Leonard Hofstadter paced furiously in circles.

Exasperated and unhappy, he just didn't know what to do. An army of emotions flooded him and he felt everything all at once: enraged, irritated, jealous, frustrated, humiliated, embarrassed, pissed off and just plain mad.

He just wanted to … to … do what?

_Do something!_

He wanted to scream in frustration.

He wanted to rip out the landscaping shrubs.

He wanted to rattle the apartment doors in fury until the glass snapped.

He wanted to kick and punch the apartment walls and not stop until his hands were a stinging and bloody pulp.

_Do anything!_

Nothing.

As always with him, his rare displays of anger quickly ebbed and with sudden awareness, Leonard realized all he was doing was pacing in a stupid circle.

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

And now he just felt ridiculous.

Rage gone, suddenly weak, and with an audible sigh, Leonard sat down on the low wall of the landscaping bed sharing it with the shrubs he wanted to mangle just seconds ago.

He slumped forward and put his head into his hands trying to remember what he had done, if anything, to incite Sheldon so badly. Sheldon just wasn't being Sheldon tonight, he was being uber-Sheldon. And the barbs and disparaging comments regarding his work and his abilities that he could usually ignore or end with a glare, tonight became lodged under his skin. With each acidic comment, the barbs began to pull and draw blood. And if he was honest with himself, it was the dripping condensation and derision of Sheldon's tone that was worse than comment.

The uneventful Sunday had passed pleasantly. Howard and Raj had been over and they ordered Italian food and spent the afternoon playing video games. And, as always, Sheldon had been welcomed and included in all their activities. But as the afternoon had passed into evening and Howard and Raj had gone, he was just left with Sheldon.

_Sheldon. Oh my God. Sheldon._

Leonard scrubbed his fingers through his thick curly hair making it stand up in little spikes. Try as hard as he could, he had no earthly idea why Sheldon had turned so merciless.

He had just cleared the coffee table of the empty food cartons and was squirting Windex on the glass top.

Sheldon turned from his computer desk. "Leonard, I've been meaning to ask you. What's the status of your Handwriting Recognition App? Any sales yet?"

Leonard sighed as he slid a paper towel through the small bubbles. "You know exactly how it's going, Sheldon."

"Oh yes," Sheldon said sweetly. "I believe I heard some reviews on the beta test. 'Lacking', 'failure', and 'useless' come to mind. Happily words you must be accustomed to hearing by now."

Leonard shook his head as he threw the used paper towel in the trashcan. "Not everyone has legible handwriting and it impacted on the beta test."

Sheldon made a soft clicking sound with his tongue as he tapped on the computer keys. "A very foreseeable problem and one that could have been easily circumvented if a competent person had been in charge. Do you know anyone like that, Leonard? It's a pity your one good idea has been laid to waste. With most of all your other work," he said as he added a sweeping gesture with his hand.

"Yes. Thank you, Sheldon. Just another one for the tally," Leonard said as he gathered his notes and books. "Kindly keep track of that for me, will you?" Irritated and with face burning, he flipped open his laptop as he sat down in his chair at the desk. He hoped Sheldon was done for the night. All he wanted to do was to check some scientific references and run some calculations to help prepare for the week ahead.

"Ah. Doing some research, I see."

"Yes," Leonard replied shortly.

"Speaking of which … I've been meaning to ask you …"

Leonard's back stiffened as he braced himself for another slicing comment that he could just tell was coming.

"What, Sheldon?"

"Your anti-proton decay experiment with 20,000 data runs and no statistically significant results … what's the count now?"

Leonard gave an audible sigh. "I'm no longer working in that series, Sheldon."

"Yes. I see. Grand ineptitude, failure, surrender, and moving on to the next derivative set of experiments. Or what I like to refer to as 'The Leonard Hofstadter Natural Habitat.'"

Leonard felt his anger begin to simmer. "Yes, Sheldon. You're right. As always. I'm the worst physicist in the history of Cal Tech. The worst physicist in the history of the world even. But just one question. If I'm so worthless, if I'm that useless, why did the University hire and then continue to employ me?"

"Simple. You are protected under federal law which the University cannot violate under severe penalties."

"OK. I'll bite. What federal law?"

"The Americans with Disabilities Act."

"What in the world are you talking about?"

"Title 1 requires employers with fifteen or more employees to provide qualified individuals with disabilities an equal opportunity to benefit from the full range of employment opportunities, prohibiting discrimination in recruitment …"

"Disabled? You're saying I'm disabled?"

"Intellectually, when it pertains to science, yes."

Leonard was astonished. He pushed away from his desk and stood slowly to turn and face his roommate. His anger had gone from simmer to percolate and he spoke in measured even tones so he wouldn't explode. "Sheldon, as an experimental physicist, I use instruments. I have to document all my work with the University to justify my continued use of their very expensive equipment. All the work I do, trial runs, experiments, are calculated to the dollar. That includes all my successes and all my failures. Because of the accounting, economics, and expense, all my failures are put out there for everyone to see," he said emphasizing the words 'all' and 'my' by putting his hands to his chest. "But you, you think for a living. What happens when you fail? Nobody knows because you just rip the sheet out of the copybook or erase the white board and start all over again. What is your expense to the University? Computer time? Copybooks? A whiteboard? Markers?"

Sheldon stood with his arms folded across his chest. "I understand the interplay of experimental studies and theory. And on a side note, I don't fail."

"Really? You sure? I seem to remember a time that you did. And I graciously took all the shit for it."

Sheldon paled and his arms dropped to his sides, hands balled into fists. He trembled with anger and his mouth became a thin line. He stared at Leonard.

Leonard stared back.

A silent standoff and a staring contest was waged between the roommates, like two cowboys meeting in the public square of a western town.

Sheldon blinked first.

"You're welcome. It was my pleasure," Leonard said like it was not his pleasure at all.

"And when did you have your last success? Or any success for that matter?"

Silence.

"My point exactly. Federal law, Leonard."

"All right. That's it. I've had enough." Leonard turned away, closed his laptop and removed his cell phone from the charger. He slipped his wallet into his pocket.

"Where are you going?"

Leonard quickly scanned his desk. "I have some calculations to run. I'll just do it at my lab. God forbid I infect you with my mediocrity."

"I am immune. However your pedestrian and so-so abilities combined with your jackass stubborn refusal to improve, despite my every effort, exasperate and exhaust me to distraction. When I think of the precious hours wasted, trying to elevate your bland, oblivious mind, to advance your scientific thought …"

"I don't need or want your efforts," Leonard said as he turned his back on Sheldon, heading towards his room to retrieve his inhaler.

"That speaks volumes, doesn't it," Sheldon yelled to the retreating figure. He moved to the kitchen to make himself a soothing cup of cocoa. He hated it when Leonard deliberately incited him. He could hear the smaller man returning and he raised his voice. "Leonard, as physicists we have to make predictions agree with empirical observations. The observation: shoddy experimental physicist; the prediction: woeful career."

"I've a better one," Leonard said as he opened the door and took his keys from the bowl. "The observation: you're pissing me off; the prediction: you'll be taking the bus to work from now on," he said as he exited and slammed it closed.

He immediately turned to the right just outside of the door and started down the first flight of steps. But he hesitated midway and turned, redirecting himself. He went back towards Penny's door, angling his neck slightly as he approached to see if there was any light peeping out from underneath.

No light shone.

He knocked anyway.

No answer.

"She's not home and she's not at work tonight. Penny told me she had off on Sunday …"

Leonard turned, surprised, to see Sheldon standing there. He hadn't heard the door open.

" … maybe she's out on a date," he added.

Leonard thought he heard a hissing emphasis on the word 'date'. Hiss or no, either way the comment was a direct hit. "All right, Sheldon. Enough. Retract your claws."

Leonard turned and bound down the stairs. Every negative comment Sheldon said floated through his head and drove his heel. By the time he reached the lobby, he was practically running. He burst through the apartment doors into the cool blue of the October night.

And now that the heat and anger had left him, he just sat, feeling pathetic and ridiculous.

The sound of soft laughter alerted him and, turning his head, he spotted a couple walking arm-in-arm, talking quietly. Unseen and unnoticed, hidden by the branches of the shrubs, he sat silently and watched as they walked off into the night.

And now he felt more alone than ever.

_Penny._

Just the mention of her name caused his heart to squeeze painfully.

He loves her.

After everything, her loves her.

Still.

But she doesn't love him.

_God help me._

Burning tears prickled at his eyes but he refused to let them fall. _You're pathetic. And ridiculous, _he added berating himself.

Leonard stood and looked around the quiet street and up at the beautiful topaz blue sky. He really didn't want to go to work at the University at this time of night. He'd much rather work at home. But that was not possible right now. He looked up to the light shining from the windows of his apartment. He thought of Sheldon and wondered when his roommate would notice that he'd turned the thermostat up to ninety degrees. The gleaming dial called to him when he was walking past it after he retrieved his inhaler. He was ashamed of his weakness, acting out like that with such a passive-aggressive swat.

Leonard shook his head sadly. _There's gonna be hell to pay for that, _he thought as he turned and started to walk slowly and sadly towards his car.

…..


	2. Chapter 2

End's Beginning - Chapter 2

Penny didn't allow herself the luxury of sitting in her car and letting it run while it was parked just to listen to the radio. Any time the motor was running brought the car that much closer to it's demise. And if she was going to squeeze every second and every mile out of this piece of junk, she'd have to limit the dallying.

But tonight, the radio station was playing music hits from the year 2004, and she listened to the last notes of _Somewhere Only We Know. _She loved that song and hadn't heard it in years. And before she knew it, the music had created memories that floated her back to home and high school, to her most innocent and joyous time when she believed anything was possible. She remembered feeling unstoppable, ready to conquer anything she wanted. It was her last and best carefree time. And when sparkling Hollywood beckoned, it never once crossed her mind that she wouldn't succeed.

Fast forward to now.

There are the painful nights, like tonight, that are coming more frequently. The nights that bring a cold fear and the realization that years have passed and the clichéd and desired 'big break' may never come. Years spent in a crappy minimum wage job that she hates with no savings to her name. The nights when she feels as if she is wasting her life pursuing a dream that is dying in her hands and she has no idea how to stop it. Or maybe it has already died and she just hasn't realized it yet.

Tonight was especially bad because tonight she had an epiphany, a sudden bout of clarity that left her feeling numb. An epiphany that started with, of all things, salmon.

The new assistant manager at work was in a panic. The response to the Sunday salmon special was so overwhelming and unexpected, that the restaurant's supply of the fish had dwindled, far below their par level. He needed to order more for tomorrow but couldn't locate the number for their provider. After tearing through papers on his desk and searching computer lists and finding nothing, he decided to ask the staff. The statement - part observation, part question - shook her to her core: 'Penny, you're the most senior waitress here. Do you know who we order our salmon from?' And, sadly, she knew the answer.

This is what she has attained in her life so far: the most senior waitress at The Cheesecake Factory who knew their fish supplier.

Penny gripped the steering wheel tight._ There has got to be something better than this. Please, God! Let there be something better than this! _

All of her friends who worked there have moved on. Their employment was just an interim step until they went on to things greater: like Bernadette, who worked until she got her degree in Microbiology; like Cheryl, who worked there until she got her stylists chair at a Beverly Hills Salon; like Marie, who worked there to support her husband while he was in law school and now moving to Chicago as he joined a practice there.

She remembered telling Leonard once about her Plan A and Plan B. Plan A was to be a movie star in six months, Plan B, a television star.

_Plan C. I will definitely need a Plan C. _

But tonight, Plan C can wait. Tonight would be the usual plan: douse those scary thoughts, doubts, and fears with alcohol.

_Not a good plan but it has been effective so far._

Have some wine, no thinking, no worrying, watch some infomercials, count her tips, and maybe shop for shoes.

Penny briefly wondered if she had developed too much reliance on alcohol since she's been here in LA.

_Nah!_

Not tonight. No scary thoughts. No thoughts of a dream that has turned to ash. No thoughts of defeat.

Movement through the windshield caught Penny's attention. It was Leonard walking towards his car.

_Speaking of defeated …_

Leonard looked upset. He walked slowly with hunched shoulders, a crushed expression on his face, lost in thought. He looked defeated, hopeless. He looked like she felt.

Penny shut off the engine and exited the car.

"Hey, Leonard! Whatcha doin'?"

Leonard's head snapped up at the sound of her voice, scanning the parking lot in the darkness. Even across the distance, Penny could tell that her voice revived him. As she drew closer to him through the nightfall, she saw him smile his sweet Leonard smile.

"Penny!" He looked surprised to see her, grinning happily at her approach. Relief washed over him as he noticed her work uniform.

_Work, then. Not a date, _he thought to himself.

"You had work? Sheldon said you were off on Sunday."

"Yeah. But there was a big party so they called me in. Made some extra tips," she said as she patted her pocket.

"Ah. Good, good. That's good."

"Is everything all right with you? You looked pretty sad, just schlumping along there …"

"Oh yeah. Well you know how it is," he said waving his hand dismissively. "Just kinda had a … Sheldon fight."

Penny winced in sympathy. "Ouch. Sorry. I know how rough they can be."

"Yeah. It was sorta …," he searched for the right word, "… brutal. But I did turn the thermostat up to ninety degrees before I left so I think we're pretty even."

Penny's eyes widened as she tried to look horrified and failed. She laughed. "NO! You didn't!"

"Yep."

"Leonard, Leonard, Leonard," Penny shook her head sadly. "You know he's just going to make another amendment to the Roommate Agreement. Will you ever learn?"

"Nope. Just a glutton for punishment."

"So what are you going to do now? Just stalk around the parking lot?"

"No. I had some work to do," he said looking up to the apartment windows, "but I'll just do it at the University." Leonard began to twist his fingers. "Run some calculations, that sort of thing. Sunday night. It's quiet there. Get some work done."

"Oh good. That's nice. Well, I'm just gonna …" Penny took a step towards the apartment.

_She's leaving!_

Leonard was floundering and his mind racing. Then inspiration struck.

"Would you like to come with me?" He turned slightly and pointed with his thumb over his shoulder. "It would only take a few minutes and maybe after we could go get something to eat?"

Penny sighed. She wanted to say no. She was tired and just wanted to get off her feet and count her tips. But there had been such a defeated sadness in Leonard's eyes. Whatever happened with Sheldon must have been bad. Her hesitation was only making it worse but she really, really didn't want to …

"Sure! Why not?"

Leonard brightened immediately and it made Penny glad that she took him up on the offer.

"I was just going to pay bills anyway."

They turned and headed towards Leonard's car.

"So what do you have to do tonight?"

"Oh, just run some calculations through the mainframe computer … but you know what? It's nothing that can't wait until tomorrow. We could just go out …"

"No. That's OK. Just get your work done. Anyway, I never did see your lab. You can show it to me now …" Penny trailed off, remembering the uncomfortable episode with David Underhill.

The awkward memory that lay between them still had the power to sting Leonard's heart. His multiple invitations over several months had always been declined but it only took one meeting and two minutes to get Penny to say yes to David Underhill's offer.

"Are you sure? You didn't see it last time …"

Leonard stopped but not quickly enough and he mentally kicked himself. _You are so stupid!_ He had a quasi-date with Penny and no way should he be bringing up the handsome physicist.

"No. No. I want to see it with you. We really didn't see that much. I remember the cafeteria mostly."

That was basically true. She just remembered rooms filled with all types of equipment and machines that meant nothing to her and David never bothered to explain. Not that she cared. In retrospect, all they did was move from room to room while making out and having heavy petting sessions.

_Time to exorcise that memory, _Penny thought to herself.

"Good! It's settled then! One quick tour and I'll buy you dinner."

The drive to the University was uneventful and they both chatted about their day. Penny, excited and curious, wanted to know all the sordid details about the Sheldon-fight. Leonard, not wanting to recite the humiliation and embarrassment, deflected the question easily and redirected Penny to talk about work. He laughed as she exaggerated her 'salmon epiphany' and gave support when she began to fret that she was wasting her life.

"No. No. You are not wasting your life. You know that it can be hard to break into acting. And you've already done a commercial, that's pretty good. That's way more than a lot of people can say. Don't do anything hasty, give it some time and consideration, and if you feel you need to make a change, let it be your choice. Just don't let a salmon shortage make the decision for you."

"Thank you, Leonard," Penny said as she put her hand on his arm. "That's just what I needed to hear. You know, you are so much better that a cheap bottle of wine and infomercials."

Leonard smiled brightly. "Why thank you. That's what I strive for."

They stopped for the guard at the gate and after Leonard showed him his identification and signed Penny in as a guest, they drove across the nearly empty parking lot and found a space by one of the many entrances.

"We have access to our labs and the computer networks 24/7."

"That's cool."

They walked to the door and Leonard slid his passkey into the lock. An electronic beep came from the door granting them access. Leonard stepped aside and held the door for Penny.

"Yeah. If you get inspiration or an idea at any time of the day or night, you have the resources to set it in motion."

They stepped into what Penny thought was a very ugly and uninspiring building: beige/gray paint on cinderblock walls that matched the floor tiles, ugly fluorescent lighting that was dimmed due to the time of night. Various chemical smells wafting through the hallways added to the atmosphere. Soft sounds somewhere in the distance bounced off the concrete walls. And closer still, they heard some raised voices that could have been arguing but then and someone laughed.

"We are not alone," Penny said in a monster voice.

Leonard smiled. "You'd be surprised, it can be pretty busy here at night. There's always someone around. People working late, the cleaning crews. But it can get a little creepy."

"I see what you mean," Penny said as she pulled her jacket closer and rubbed her arms trying to warm the goose pimples that had raised.

Leonard, happy and undisturbed, started to give the tour. "They try to house the disciplines together," he said. As they walked, Leonard gestured this way and that, indicating different corridors as they made turn after turn through the labyrinth of hallways. "The Astronomy Department is down that section, the Geology labs are this way, Pharmacology and Biology have that wing over there. And Howard's lab and the Engineering Department is just down this hall …"

Turn after turn in the maze of darkened corridors, they came to an intersection of five hallways. Penny spun 360 degrees at the juncture.

"My God, Leonard! This is so confusing!" She said as she twirled, looking down corridor after corridor. "How do you not get lost? I'd be wandering around for days."

"It's not so bad once you get used to it," he said as they made yet another turn down a long hallway. "And this is the experimental physicists wing." They approached the last door by a wall that held a glass case that was decorated with colorful fliers. "This is my lab," Leonard said with a flourish as he slid his key card into the lock. The door beeped open and, reaching in, Leonard turned the light on.

"Holy smokes!" Penny exclaimed as she entered the room. "This is impressive!" She looked at all the tubes, valves, and ductwork that ran across the ceiling and trailed down the walls. Machines stacked floor to ceiling filled every inch along the sides of the room. Multiple gas canisters were huddled in a corner. But all this was secondary to the large laser on the table that dominated the center of the room.

"Wow! Is this your laser?"

Leonard smiled like a proud father. "Yep."

"So this is where all the magic happens."

"Yes. I'm currently involved with laser spectroscopy. I'm studying the formation of molecules in a flow-type chemical reaction to determine the lifetime of various molecular states and the formation of an excited species which may emit chemical luminescence."

Penny was speechless and just stared at Leonard with a blank expression on her face.

"I also use it to heat up soup."

Penny laughed and patted his arm. "OK. Good to know."

Leonard turned to a computer on a small desk by the door. When they were walking through the hallways, a small plan had formed his mind. By some miracle, he had Penny's company tonight. No way he was going to do some research and run calculations. He had left the apartment hurried, anxious, and depressed. He wanted to look his best. _A formidable task even at the best of times, _he thought ruefully. There was a vending machine that sold toiletries in a restroom near the Biology Department. He'd just go there and buy one of disposable toothbrushes that already had toothpaste in them, some deodorant, maybe some aftershave … spruce up a little bit.

"Let me just set up my computer to run some calculations," he said as he turned it on. Pressing a few buttons and going through various screens, he hit the defrag button. _I've been meaning to do this for awhile now_, he thought. Penny would never know. "OK. I've set my computer. Now I'm just off to the mainframe to send the data …" in a valiant effort to lend credence to his story, he pointed to his computer, "… here. So, ah … you just wait here and I'll be back shortly."

"All right. Sounds good."

Leonard exited the room and calmly walked down the corridor. He'd have to thank Sheldon. He had a date with Penny! Well, it wasn't a date really, just an after work meal. But that didn't matter. He would gladly take any time that was given to him because it kept his small hope flickering and maybe one day, he could fan it to flame once again.

Once he turned the corner and safely out of Penny's sight, he did a happy dance. Pumping his fists in the air and hopping up and down, his vigorous spastic shimmy resembled something like a cross between an African tribal war dance and an Irish jig. He was so happy, he even threw in some karate moves.

With more joy than he felt in months, Leonard happily raced down the hallway towards the Biology Department and the vending machines.

He was in mid-run when he stepped on the rat.

…..


	3. Chapter 3

End's Beginning – Chapter 3

Penny smiled as she once again circled the small office, looking at all the tubes, wires, and valves. Despite Leonard saying it could be busy here at night, tonight was not one of those nights. There were no sounds in this part of the building except for her soft footfalls.

A small gleam caught here eye. Propped on a shelf, leaning against the wall, were two burnt, melted, and twisted figurines: a silver cylon and Superman.

Laughing, Penny picked them up and examined them. "I know there's got to be a story behind this," Penny said as she rotated them this way and that. "I'm definitely going to ask Leonard."

Due to the fiery damage they sustained, they couldn't stand on their own. Penny once again propped them against the wall, returning them to their safe little cluster.

Further down the shelf, stood a carved wooden cow with a tiny bell around its neck.

"Aww! That is so sweet! Leonard brought one for himself!"

Penny smiled. From his trip to Switzerland, Leonard returned with a suitcase full of souvenirs for her: refrigerator magnets, chocolates; a gift box of cheeses; a t-shirt that read 'Swiss Miss'; a cuckoo clock; and hidden under all the novelty items, a stunning ruby and diamond bracelet. And also among the gifts, was a wooden cow with garland of beautifully carved and painted flowers around her neck. This one was identical except in lieu of the flowers, there was a bell.

She touched the tiny silver bell with a wiggling fingertip. It resonated with a delicate, clear, ting-a-ling. The soft little jingling noise floated around her hand.

The sound was enchanting. She rang it again.

As if in response, from somewhere deep in the twisting hallways, she heard Leonard's unmistakable voice ricocheting through the corridors. It was distant, but clear and commanding, filled with urgency.

"PENNY! GET OUT OF THE BUILDING NOW! HURRY!"

Startled, Penny stood frozen to the spot, her heart pounding in her chest.

It took a few seconds to recover from the shock. Penny regained her composure and put her hand over her heart trying to control her breathing.

"Leonard! This isn't funny!"

She ran to the door expecting to see him come smiling up the hallway.

"Leonard!"

Silence.

Without warning, the scream of a fire alarm shattered the quiet and raced through the hallways. The strobe effect of the emergency lights and the calm of a computer voice created a sense of unreality.

'_An emergency condition exists that requires your immediate attention. Please proceed to the nearest exit.'_

The competing sounds of the mechanical voice and the shrieking alarm were deafening. Penny covered her ears.

"What in the hell is going on?! Leonard!"

'_An emergency condition exists that requires your immediate attention. Please proceed to the nearest exit.'_

And then, explosion.

Penny watched as flash of brilliant white light filled the corridor just as she heard a thunderous roar. The building convulsed. She was tossed around in the doorway and had to fight to keep her balance. The little cow that she had been holding fell from her hand. In a matter of seconds, the heaving and rolling finally ended and the building settled with a groan.

"Oh my, God!"

'_An emergency condition exists that requires your immediate attention. Please proceed to the nearest exit.'_

Finally spurred into action, Penny darted from the doorway and ran into the hall. Fumes and ash filled the corridor as black smoke silently gathered at the ceiling.

_This can't be happening! This can't be happening! Oh my, God! This can't be happening! Where's the exit?! Where's the exit?! I didn't pay attention when we came in …_

'_An emergency condition exists that requires your immediate attention. Please proceed to the nearest exit.'_

Debris littered her path as Penny ran through the maze of hallways. She began to feel a sense of panic. Some of the corridors came to dead end. In others, she saw no exits, just rows of doors. All were locked as she frantically tried to turn the knobs.

_The exit … the exit … where is that exit?_

She passed the large intersection where just minutes ago she had spun happily in circles. Now she saw the destruction. One of the corridors was almost fully blocked with a part of the ceiling that had collapsed. Orange flames reached up into the chasm that had opened up the second floor. She turned and ran.

'_An emergency condition exists that requires your immediate attention. Please proceed to the nearest exit.'_

Penny turned down another corridor and saw an open door, a light from within was streaming in to the hallway. Finally! Outside maybe? An open exit?

As she ran to it, she recognized it. Her heart sank.

Leonard's office.

"No!"

She had come full circle, back to where she started.

'_An emergency condition exists that requires your immediate attention. Please proceed to the nearest exit.'_

The black smoke was thicker now. The fumes had made her dizzy and she felt her chest tighten.

"This cannot be happening! Leonard! Help me!"

And, just then, someone grabbed her wrist.

Surprised, Penny turned fully expecting to see Leonard standing there.

It was a woman from the night cleaning crew. Penny could tell by her uniform. Holding a cloth over her nose and mouth, she spoke urgently in rapid fire Spanish. She removed a second cloth from the front pocket of her suit and handed it to Penny indicting that she should do the same.

Taking Penny by the hand, she led the way.

Together they ran out of building and into the safety of the night.

...

_A/N - Just have a question: Is there anyone out there reading this story? If so, please review, comment, or criticize. Anything will be welcomed. I haven't heard anything back and I just want to make sure I'm not wasting my time and FanFiction bandwidth. _


	4. Chapter 4

End's Beginning – Chapter 4

As Leonard ran down the hallway, the sudden tactile change from firm to soft and squishy under his foot was a great surprise.

Leonard looked down and saw a large white lab rat, pinned to the floor, held securely by his weight. The animal squealed indignantly and squirmed on its back as it curled around his sneaker, trying to bite.

Leonard gasped and jumped back, nearly losing his balance.

The creature twisted upright and skittered towards the wall and fled down the hallway.

Between his joy and the low lighting, he didn't notice the army of rats and mice squeaking and darting back and forth along the corridor.

"What in the hell …"

As he steadied himself, it was then that he noticed the strong odor of bleach, so thick it was almost overpowering.

Coughing, Leonard covered his mouth and nose with his forearm to try to fend off the choking chemical. He felt the familiar tightening and wheezing deep in his chest as his asthma began to flare.

_Something is very wrong here._

Instincts crackling, his first thought was of Penny.

He slipped his hand into his pocket and, retrieving his cell phone, he speed dialed Penny.

It went straight to her voice mail. _Hi. This is Penny. Leave a message._

"Penny. Something's wrong in here. Get out of the building now." His voice was urgent.

Leonard turned and, as he started to run back to his office, he neared an old Janitor's Closet. He had passed it a thousand times and had never given it a second thought. As he approached, the old wooden door slammed open with such ferocity that it rebounded off the wall, the hinge separating from the jamb.

And from inside, came raised voices. Two people were arguing. One was yelling, the other, crying.

Leonard approached the open door silently. White light and shadows came from the room and danced in the darkened hallway.

"I'm sorry. I tried. But I told you I didn't know how to use it. And now it's burnt my hand. Badly."

A second voice growled a reply. "You are such a useless piece of shit. I don't even know why I bother with you."

"I know. I know. I'm sorry," the first voice cried.

The second voice hissed, "You even wasted my time releasing the lab animals."

"They were in cages," came the sobbing reply.

Leonard peeked around the doorjamb and took in the scene before him. A lone man knelt in the middle of the floor, crying. His arms were wrapped across his chest as he rocked. Pipes, wires, and papers littered the small space. A lit hand held propane torch rolled around the floor. A large plastic container filled with a white powder sat by the wall. The odor of bleach was overpowering.

Leonard's heart hammered in his chest. _Oh my, God! This is bad! Very bad! Penny! Please pick up that message!_

"I told you I couldn't do this." The kneeling man sobbed.

From him, the second voice snarled. "Do you even remember what they did to you?" And then suddenly, "They're here."

With that, the man leapt up and turned to Leonard, his face twisted in fury. As threatening as a snake's rattle, he stared at Leonard as he slowly began to approach.

Leonard gasped as he took a step back. He recognized this man. Tall and thin, with flat, deep set eyes and craggy facial features, he bore a resemblance to Abraham Lincoln.

Thomas Hastcoat. Or as Howard dubbed him, 'Nutty Abe.'

Leonard thought back as he tried to prod the details from his memory. He wasn't in the Physics Department, it was Biology, Leonard recalled. They had never really spoke to one another and would just give a quiet 'hello' and a nod of recognition as they passed in the hallways. He struck Leonard as a loner, who even in the University when one can finally bond with like-minded individuals, he never really did. Mentally, he began to deteriorate and became increasingly unstable with violent tendencies. More than once, Leonard saw him rambling to himself and punching the air as he walked down the hallways. He had also heard stories of his screaming rages in the Biology lab. When the behaviors began to get more pronounced, that was when their little group began to call him Nutty Abe. His research turned bizarre and he began to drift into paranoia, accusing others of interfering with his experiments. The University had interceded multiple times on his behalf to get him mental help. But when threatened a colleague with a hammer, he was arrested and dismissed from the University. That was a few years ago and Leonard hadn't seen him since.

Leonard smiled weakly as he continued to walk backwards, rats and mice squeaking at his feet.

"Hey, Thomas. Nice to see you again. It's been a long time."

Nutty Abe smiled unpleasantly. Leonard wasn't sure what voice he was dealing with.

"Two years."

"Two years? Really? That long?"

"Yep."

Leonard tried to appeal to the crying personality. "Did I hear you say that you burnt your hand? Why don't we go and get that checked out?"

"Nope. He's fine. And we got something to do."

Leonard pointed to the open door behind Nutty Abe. "With that carton of acetone peroxide you have in there?'

"Oh. Good for you. You recognized it."

"Hard to miss with that bleach odor."

"So now you're going to try to stop us?"

"Stop you from doing what, exactly?"

"Blowing this place up."

"Well, I would never be anyone's first choice, but I can try."

Leonard saw Nutty Abe reach around behind him and pull a hammer from his back pocket. Holding it in his right hand, as he continued his slow approach, he lightly slapped the large metal head into his left palm.

"Try as hard as you can, little man."

Just then, an orange fireball of flame and black smoke erupted from the small room. Acrid fumes and choking filthy soot filled the corridor. Surprised, Nutty Abe turned to see what had happened.

His distraction gave him the beat he needed, and Leonard took off, racing down the hallway towards the fire alarm and extinguisher by the exit. There were only seconds left. The room was already ablaze and there was no telling how pure or how unstable the chemistry of Nutty Abe's explosive concoction.

Leonard heard heavy footsteps right behind him.

"You son-of-a-bitch! You're not going to stop us!"

Leonard reached the fire extinguisher, and realizing he still clutched his cell phone in his right hand, he threw it to the floor. Opening the glass case, he pulled the tank from the wall. He spared a fraction of a second to look over his left shoulder. He glimpsed the tall man, a blackened silhouette created by orange flame, just a step away, the unmistakable shape of a hammer held high in his hand.

From a lifetime of being bullied, Leonard was conditioned to do two things: duck and move fast. He ducked and quickly turned to his right, just as the hammer came down, missing him by a hairsbreadth. The swiftness of the turn plus the weight of the extinguisher created momentum. Holding the tank by the nozzle like a bat, he swung the extinguisher up in an arc. He hit Nutty Abe in the side of the head with bone cracking force.

Nutty Abe clutched the right side of his face and fell to the floor with a scream. The hammer flew out of his grasp and slid down the hallway.

Leonard gave him no more thought.

Flames cracked behind him and smoke was filling the corridor. Just as he was going to turn back to the fire, he saw a woman, a member of the night cleaning crew, just standing, looking horrified at the scene before her, a hand over her mouth.

Holding the fire extinguisher in his right hand, Leonard waved frantically to her with his left arm.

"Get out! Get out! Get out! Hurry!"

The woman turned and fled.

And then, cupping his left hand to his mouth, he yelled at the top of his lungs to his beloved, praying to whatever gods or saints that may be, she would hear.

"PENNY! GET OUT OF THE BUILDING NOW! HURRY!"

He then reached over and pulled the fire alarm. The alarm screamed through the hallway competed with the roar of the fire behind him.

Leonard turned back and started running towards the fire, pulling the pin from the extinguisher as he ran.

Leonard hoped that luck was on his side. Already, the small room was engulfed with angry flames that shot far into the hallway. And still no explosion. If that was acetone peroxide like Nutty Abe implied, maybe his chemistry was off. Maybe it wasn't the volatile compound …

He was closer now and he squeezed the trigger, a flume of sodium bicarbonate leading the way.

And then, explosion.

The fire extinguisher was pulled from his hand and was thrown to the left, while he was thrown to the right. The blast wave lifted him off of his feet and threw him through a set of windows beside the Janitor's Closet. He was flying, being tossed about by the thunderous discharge, boneless, like a rag doll. He had glimpses of his arms and feet, sky and fire, as he twisted in mid-air. Cutting shards of hot orange glass fragments dazzled him as he flew.

The explosive crest ended, and he felt himself falling. Falling fast and falling hard. Green grass filled his vision and reflexively, he put his arm out.

Landing on right side, Leonard felt the bones in his right arm and leg snap. His scream of pain was muffled by the cool grass and dirt.

As he lay on the ground with the fire raging next to him, the last image he held in his mind was of Penny. His beautiful Penny.

And with that, consciousness fled.


	5. Chapter 5

End's Beginning – Chapter 5

The women dashed through the exit doors into the parking lot. Sirens of the first responders could be heard in the distance, getting closer.

Penny looked around anxiously. She didn't recognize the area. A few cars were parked here and there, and Leonard's was not one of them. Obviously, they exited a different door from where she and Leonard had entered.

Penny and the cleaning woman continued to run hand-in-hand and only when they were well clear of the building, did they stop and turn around.

Smoke and ash was gathering and rolled into the parking lot like a fog. Their footprints in the dust, evidence of their run through the lot, were black against the grey powder. Little seemed to be wrong with the building where they had exited. But, in the distance, at a different wing of the University, they could see orange flames shooting up over the roofline, into the dark blue sky. Fire lit the area. Massive trees, well tended and well loved, that towered over the building and stood for generations, were burning. The aged wood of the thick branches cracked and split from the heat; the leaves turned to smoke. Panicked birds burst from the trees and were winging across the sky, trilling as they flew. Sparks shot from the treetops and sprinkled down like a cascade of orange stars.

"Madre tenga misericordia!"

The exclamation from the woman beside her pulled Penny from her trance of staring at the fire. She turned and for the first time saw her name on the badge on her uniform. Penny pulled the woman into her arms and gave her a warm hug.

"Thank you, Beatriz. Gracias. You saved my life. I don't know how I can ever thank you. Gracias."

Beatriz held her tightly as she patted her back. "De nada. De nada. You're welcome."

Through the thick smoke, a flurry of shadows headed towards them. Penny's heart skipped a beat. Leonard? The smoke parted and three women, members of the cleaning crew, ran towards Beatriz. Crying and laughing, talking excitedly in Spanish, they hugged one another – and Penny too - in joy that they were safe.

The relief Penny felt at being out of the building was now being replaced with growing apprehension. Where was Leonard? Having no idea where he went to, she had no clue where he may have exited.

Apprehension was now turning to dread. They were out of the building at least a minute now – where was Leonard?

Their little group intact and out of harm's way, the women continued to walk hurriedly away from the building. They called and waved to Penny to come with them.

But Penny just stood, making no effort to leave. Never faint of heart, her hesitancy was not doubt or fear. Like a chess player, she was contemplating her next move.

Find Leonard's car?

No. Leonard wouldn't be there. He would never just be passively lounging at his automobile waiting for her to show up.

She knew him. She knew him heart and soul. She knew his insecurities and doubts and she also knew his passions and how he felt about her.

Even now, after everything.

He'd be tearing around and through the building screaming her name, trying to find her – if he was able. Of all the cacophony sounds that filled this night, Leonard calling for her was not one of them.

And its absence was frightening.

Leonard had yelled for her to leave the building, before the alarm, before the explosion. He had known what was happening; he had been in the middle of it.

That's where he was. At the fire.

She started to run around the building, towards the flames.

The women, their voices a chorus of pleading, sounded behind her. "No! Misses! What are you doing? Come away! This way!"

But the thick cloud parted as she ran and closed behind her like a curtain. She was lost to them, their cries muffled by the dense haze.

Smoke and ash made it difficult to see and transformed the landscape making it unrecognizable. She had no idea where she was going. But like a pilot with broken instruments, Penny kept her eye on the flame and used it as a beacon.

She was going to find Leonard.

As she ran around the length of the building, Penny drew closer to the fire. The visibility was better as she drew near. The wind was pushing the smoke and ash down to the section where she and Beatriz had excited.

She had seen the damage from the inside when she was running through the hallways, but now she saw it from the outside. There was a huge rent in the wall, at least twelve feet across with the smoke and fire erupting from the right side. The ruined wall, now just rocks and boulders, lay spewed across the lawn.

And among the rubble, she spotted Leonard. Unmistakable in his green jacket and brown hoodie, with the unruly curly black hair and glasses, he just knelt with his head bowed, in front of the massive break at the point furthest from the fire.

Penny's relief was profound. She suddenly felt very weak and had to keep herself from falling.

_Oh thank you, God! He's safe._

Penny ran forward. "Leonard!"

But Leonard seemed not to hear her. He didn't turn around, but only pulled himself up with some difficulty.

"Leonard!" She screamed louder. She was at least fifty yards away. Running faster, she cut across the lawn.

He was standing now and still had not turned her way.

"PENNY!" She heard him scream as he stood facing the building. "PENNY!" Leaning heavily on the wall, Penny saw Leonard drag himself forward. With his last cry of 'Penny', she watched as he stepped into the fiery building. And then he was gone, disappearing in the black smoke.

…..

Leonard couldn't understand it and he didn't know why, but for some reason, there was a need for urgency. It started as whispers of danger but as he was pulled closer to consciousness, it became alarm. Primal in nature, insistent and compelling, it screamed in him. Clear and commanding, it dragged him back from the warm darkness in which he floated.

Something was happening.

The blackness fell from his mind and he opened his eyes.

Leonard found that he was laying face down in the grass. Lifting his aching head carefully, he saw that he was just inches from a building, among the rubble that had once been a wall. Smoke and flames poured out of the huge fissure. He didn't know where he was or what had happened, but he had to get out of there.

He tried to move and found that it was a mistake. Movement inflicted pain like he had never felt before throughout his broken body. The tiniest movement exacerbated the lacerating pains that issued from his right arm and leg. His head was a spiking throb that beat in tandem with his heart. He felt as if he'd been gut kicked and the nausea was overwhelming. Breathing was difficult as his chest tightened with an asthma flare.

Pain warred with his will and Leonard found that it was getting easier to ignore the urgency. Don't move and gratefully accept the comforting blackness. The alarm that he had felt regarding his situation was breaking apart and blowing away softly like the ashes around him. The darkness was coming for him and it would take away all the pain. Accept it.

Was he dying? Was this death?

As he lay against the green, warm grass, Leonard closed his eyes and let his mind float away. He thought of his friends. He saw Stuart turning off the lights in the comic book store and lock the door behind him as he left. Raj was sitting at his computer wearing headphones and dancing in his chair as he drummed a beat on the table. Howard and Bernadette sat on his mother's porch, holding hands and laughing. Sheldon came in to his mind's eye. His roommate was in their living room, sitting at his desk while he Skyped with Amy. And strangely, was just wearing a t-shirt and underwear. He looked mad. He wasn't sure, but Leonard felt that maybe he had something to do with Sheldon's obvious irritation.

He gave Sheldon no more thought as his mind floated to Penny.

His beloved Penny.

It was harder for him to see her. She wasn't clear, like the others. For some reason, it was darker, smokier. Coming to him through the mists, she looked panicky and upset. Leonard watched as she ran down a hallway, frantically turning the handles on locked doors.

Leonard's eyes snapped open. He couldn't remember why or how, but Penny was in that fiery wreckage of a building.

And he led her there.

"Oh my, God!"

Like a wounded beast, equal parts fury and determination exploded in his chest. The comforting blackness fell from his mind and the acceptance evaporated. And what remained was fight.

_Not like this. It's not going to end for Penny. Not like this._

Leonard flexed the fingers of his left hand in the grass. He found that his right side wouldn't obey him but his left side would. With his good hand, he felt around the hot rubble that had once been a wall. Finding purchase and with all the strength that boiled within him, he hauled himself up to his knees.

"PENNY!" He screamed to the broken wall, flames and smoke. "PENNY!"

Pain and nausea threatened to topple him and breathing was difficult. Leonard just knelt with his head bowed as he marshaled his failing strength.

_Not like this. It's not going to end for Penny. Not like this._

Anger became power.

His face, mirroring his resolve, was beaded with sweat and reflected yellow from the fire. With a herculean effort, he pulled himself into a standing position. Leaning heavily on his left side, he gripped the hot concrete of the ruined wall.

"PENNY!"

Balanced on his left side, he dragged his right.

He stepped into the building screaming her name.

Sliding his left hand and shoulder against the wall, the slow advance in the hallway was torture. The heat was unbearable; the choking smoke made it difficult to see, let alone breathe. Debris littered his path as he staggered along, every step nearly toppling him. But still he pulled himself forward.

"PENNY!"

The adrenaline-fueled rush that had got him back into the building was spiraling down and now had finally drained away. Chemicals spent, Leonard pitched face forward onto the floor, into the debris and the dead rats. The will, the fight, the resolve that had helped to carry him this far were still strong within him, but his mutinous body finally failed. With a last effort, he was able to push up with his left arm and turned himself onto his back.

Breathing was harder now and Leonard just lay among the ruin, gasping like a fish out of water. He desperately wanted his inhaler. With his left hand, he felt across his body trying to reach his right pocket, where he always kept it. It wasn't there. He didn't know that his inhaler had exploded in the blast. It was now just shrapnel, imbedded deep in his thigh.

Helpless, unable to breathe, laying among the ruin of the building and his life, Leonard felt himself fading, becoming like the ashes that surrounded him.

_So this is it. I'm dying._

Failure and surrender, just like Sheldon had told him earlier. Failure and surrender. The story of his entire stupid life.

Let go. Just end it now.

The University will find a better physicist.

Sheldon will find a better friend.

And Penny …

His heart breaking, Leonard began to cry as painful memories mixed with the sweetest ones.

He wouldn't be there constantly interfering with her life. Penny would finally be free of him and she could find someone she loved. He saw it clearly now, it wasn't him. It was never him and it would never be him. Hope was a delusion that he let rule his useless, pathetic life. Better he should go now and stop being a disappointment to everyone and everything. Happiness was something that was a long, long way from here and he would never, ever reach it.

His physical life was drawing to a close. The last stupid thing that he had done on this Earth was putting Penny in harm's way. And he failed to help her. Failing as he always fails.

_Oh, God. Penny. Please, please forgive me. I've killed both of us._

And with that, he was gone.

…..

_A/N – I'd like thank you for reading this far and I hope that you like and are enjoying this story. Please consider sending a review as I would love to hear any and all of your thoughts and/or feelings concerning this story. Any comments, constructive criticism, critique or reviews will be happily and gratefully accepted. _


	6. Chapter 6

End's Beginning – Chapter 6

The vehicles of the first responders came screaming to the scene, lifting and swirling the smoke and ash as they went. Their flashing lights reflected off the haze, making the entire area soft blue and blurry.

The Fire Chief O'Hara was on site, did a size up, and barked orders to the dispatcher.

"Request for additional units … repeat … request for additional units. We have a fire resistant building, but there has been an explosion," he said as he surveyed the scene, seeing the wall blown out across the lawn. "Lights are on in building … we need utility shut off … need utility shut off. Do we have an ETA on the Hazardous Devices Technicians? Have we had any response from the University yet? We need to know what chemicals, any radiation we may be dealing with. Probably got some pressurized tanks in the area with their contents near boiling." He prodded the carcass of a rat with his boot. "And we've got rats too … plenty of them. Some are dead but there's still some running around. Tell them we need info on the rats. Are they contagious? Inoculated with anything? I don't want anyone getting bit and coming down with the plague." He switched the channel on his two-way radio. "Get those hoses out! Jesus Christmas! What are you waiting for? An invitation?"

Cries in the distance alerted him.

O'Hara was once again a spectator to the dreaded scene that he had witnessed hundreds of times in his career. Even after thirty years of fire fighting, still had the power to break his heart: the yelling and pleading of a friend or family member trying to run into a burning building to save their loved one.

A young woman was screaming and crying as two police officers were trying to hold her back with obvious difficulty.

She was frantic, fighting like a mad thing. Twisting and kicking, she would break from their grasp and run forward, only to be caught and pulled back once again.

"No! Let go of me! You son-of-a-bitch! Let go of me! I can get him! I can get him! He just ran in there! Leonard!"

O'Hara spoke on his two-way radio. "Search and Rescue Team … Side A there's a victim inside and we need search and rescue," he said as he watched the raging young woman. "We have adverse conditions and don't know what we're dealing with chemically. Mandatory 'two in-two out' … repeat mandatory 'two in-two out.'"

O'Hara watched as a third police officer sprinted across the grass and aiding the other two, they were finally able to contain and forcibly drag the hysterical woman from the scene.

As four fire fighters in full gear ran past them to the breach, O'Hara saw one of the officers point them out to the distraught woman. And only when she saw the rescue team enter the building, she stopped her struggling.

…..

Penny was screaming as she once again tried to wrench free from the restraining officers.

"Stop it! Stop it! Let go of me! I saw him! I can get him! He just ran in there!"

"No! You can't help him! Listen to me! You can't help him!"

What the police officer was saying finally registered.

"See?" The third officer who arrived pointed across the lawn to the spot where Penny had just been struggling with her. "Look. The firefighters are going in now. They have all the training, rescue gear, and oxygen. OK? They'll get him. Just stay right here with me and I promise, when it's safe, I'll take you to him."

Dazed, Penny looked into the eyes of the officer. She was a young woman, very pretty, around her own age. Her thick dark curly hair pulled back into a ponytail. The badge on her shirt gleamed and Penny saw the name Armenta.

Penny was crying.

"Now I know you want to help. I can tell. I know you do. But right now, you can only help by staying put and leaving this to the professionals. I'll be right here with you."

From her experience, Officer Armenta found that it was never helpful to ask questions of anyone when they were so clearly distressed. Give a little, let the situation play out as much as reasonably possible, gain their cooperation, then question. Right now, it was best just to console the sobbing woman.

Penny looked at the policewoman standing beside her. "Officer Armenta, I'm sorry that I hit you." The words came out in hiccoughing sobs.

"Oh no. You didn't get me. I came late to the party. But it looks like you beat up Callahan and Mullins pretty good."

…..

The rescue team entered cautiously, their flashlights sweeping across the smoke filled hallway. Picking their way carefully through the wreckage, they radioed their observations back to the command center. "Ceiling's down … but the collapse zone doesn't extend beyond Side A … fire has spread … flames overhead on the second floor."

The hoses behind them whooshed to life and water began pouring on the fire. Hot ashes kicked up and flew down the hallway like snow, reducing the visibility further.

The team continued the slow but steady advance. At thirty feet in, the weak, sputtering grey light from their torches revealed the scene slowly, bit by bit, like a developing picture. The feeble light first reflected off the white tip of a Converse sneaker. Camouflaged by ash, and unsure of what they were seeing, the team moved in closer. Moving up, the anemic light revealed a bloody pant leg. A closer still, the full scene had exposed.

Covered in silvery ash, Leonard lay unconscious and twisted in the rubble, half on his back, half on his side. His right pant leg was blood-soaked. And both his right arm and leg were bent at unnatural, stomach turning angles. High pitched wheezing and gurgling sounds could be heard with every shallow breath.

The first firefighter spoke into his radio. "We have recovery … repeat … we have recovery. One unconscious male victim with agonal respirations. Major blood loss. Gross fractures evident of right arm and leg."

"It's OK. You're safe. We gotcha now, buddy," the second firefighter said as bent over him, and slipped the oxygen mask over Leonard's nose and mouth, securing it to his face, giving him the oxygen he desperately needed. "You made it pretty far in, didn't you?" Mindful of the injuries and the need to quickly exit, they composed Leonard's body. They quickly splinted the unstable right leg by tying it to the left at the thigh, knee, and mid-calf. Then carefully lifting him, they carried him away.

…..

It seemed that time slowed and all the sounds in the world shut off when Penny saw Leonard being carried from the building. Covered in ashes, he hung limply over a firefighter's shoulder and across his back. Unconscious with an oxygen mask on his face, his head lay slumped by the firefighter's chest, bouncing feebly as the firefighter ran. His right arm dangled crazily as his rescuer dashed towards the paramedics and the waiting ambulance.

"Oh my God! Leonard!" Penny screamed as the sounds returned to the world. She took off running towards the firefighters.

"No … no … no," Officer Armenta said as she grabbed her once again and pulled her away. "Don't interfere. They can help him more than you can right now. We'll move closer but you stay back."

"What happened? He just ran in there a minute ago. He was fine. I saw it."

"Overcome by the smoke probably. Come on. They're set up by the streetlight. We can wait together there."

Once there, Penny stood on a nearby bench, under the light. Standing above and behind the paramedics, she watched helplessly as the scene unfolded before her. She kept her mouth covered by her hands so she wouldn't scream.

…..

The firefighter arrived at the treatment area and turning away from the ambulance, he carefully released his hold and Leonard slid limply down his back just as a multitude of hands came up and caught him, gently lowering him to the ground. He was quickly surrounded on all sides by paramedics.

Penny watched as the paramedics worked quickly and efficiently and spoke in a language she didn't understand.

With a flash of silver scissors and a tearing sound, Leonard's 'Recycle' t-shirt was torn in two. His chest was laid bare. It was quickly covered with electrodes.

"Rhythm?"

"Vfib. We're in Vfib."

"Ninety seconds or less to avoid flat line. Get ready for shock."

Conductive pads were slapped to his chest. Paddles were put in place.

"240 joules. All clear. Shock in 3 … 2 … 1."

Leonard's body arched slightly as the electricity went through his heart.

"Rhythm?"

"Still Vfib. Going up to 300 joules. Get ready. All clear. Shock in 3 … 2 … 1."

Leonard's chest lifted with the second jolt of electricity.

"Rhythm?"

"Yes! We converted. Sinus tachycardia. Heart rate 164."

The paramedics worked frantically. They started to cut and rip at Leonard's jacket and hoodie.

"I have the ER doc on the line from Huntington."

"Blood Pressure 40 palpable …"

"Cold skin. Diaphoretic."

"Get some IV lines started, we need fluids … large bore #18 if you can. Draw rainbow tubes too, one of every color."

"Will do."

"Left arm only. The right has multiple fractures. I can feel the bones grating together," came the reply are the arm was gently lifted and stabilized into an inflatable cast.

One of the paramedics slid a stethoscope around his chest.

"Expiratory wheezing and rales on the left, absent sounds on the right. Respirations 46. Pulse ox 72% on 100% mask."

"Get him intubated, #8 endotracheal tube. Have the AmbuBag ready."

"Blood Pressure 42 palpable."

"Doc says give xopenex and atrovent after intubation."

"Will do."

"Should we use the Combitube? In case of neck injury?"

"No. The police report a witness saying that he was outside and ran into the building."

The paramedic spoke softly to Leonard, telling him they were going to put a tube down his throat so he could breathe easier. With that, they tilted his head back, and put a curved stylet in his mouth to hold his tongue back. Then he slid a breathing tube down and into his windpipe. Sturdy tape secured to his face held the tube in place. The reservoir of the AmbuBag was filled and oxygen was gently pushed into his lungs.

"With suctioning, we're getting black soot from the lungs. Tell the doc we have smoke inhalation."

"More than that. There are cuts on his face. He's bleeding from the ears and his abdomen is rigid and distended with bruising. There's internal bleeding most likely. This is a blast injury."

"So he was inside, thrown out, and ran back inside?"

"From what we're told and the injuries, that's what it looks like."

"Doc says to drop a nasogastric tube."

"#18 IV in left antecube, #18 in left hand. Fluids wide open both sites."

"Blood Pressure 58/30 … he's fighting us on the respirations but we're doing 20 minute. Heart rate 144 … sinus tach ... pulse ox 94% on 100% ET tube."

"Nasogastric tube in. Return is bloody."

Leonard's sneakers and socks were removed and slits were made at the bottom of the blood soaked pants. The ties that bound his legs together were cut. Pulling apart on the tear, the pants ripped up Leonard's right leg to reveal bone from his smashed femur protruding sharply from his purple-colored thigh.

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph!"

"He's bleeding into that leg."

The paramedics quickly removed what remained of the shredded pants. They handed them to a paramedic who was standing by. Leonard just lay unmoving in his Superman boxers.

"You said he ran on this leg?!" Someone asked as they started covering the leg wound with sterile gauze.

"That's what the cop said. He was seen outside going in."

"Wow. He deserves to wear Superman underwear." The wrapped leg was carefully placed in an inflatable cast.

"Blood Pressure 60/30 … heart rate 144, rhythm sinus tach … oxygen 93%."

The paramedic who received the pants rifled through the pockets. Finding a wallet, he searched through the cards.

"This is Leonard Hofstadter. Looks like he's a physicist here at the University." He found a medical card with some information scrawled in it. "No allergies except for lactose intolerance … asthma is the only past medical history given … O+ blood type …emergency contact is Sheldon Cooper."

He turned and gave the cards and wallet to a policeman so calls could be made. "He's going to Huntington Hospital."

"Gotcha. We'll let the contact know."

A Hazardous Devices Technician appeared on the scene with a Geiger Counter in hand. After testing the area, he waved the sensing device over Leonard's body. A few random clicks were heard. The technician studied the meter.

"Anything?"

"Nothing out of the usual," he said as he turned to leave.

"Thank God for that."

"Blood Pressure 64/32 … heart rate 144, rhythm sinus tach … oxygen 94%."

"Let's get him covered. Hand me some of the warm blankets."

"Not bad vitals, considering. Good work, gentlemen."

Suddenly, Leonard began to move restlessly. His head tossed from side to side and eyes popped open as he stared vacantly ahead. He began to tremble furiously, his chest nearly lifting off the ground from the shaking. His left arm came up as he made a grab for the endotracheal tube.

"Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Get the arm. Don't let him get at that tube. Let's get a restraint on."

A restraint was handed out of the ambulance and was placed around Leonard's left wrist, securing it to the stretcher.

The paramedics then lifted the stretcher, readying to move out.

Officer Armenta shouted from her place beside Penny on the bench. "Wait! Wait! We have a friend here! She just wants to say something to him before he goes."

Penny sprinted down from the bench but was stopped by a hand on her arm. It was one of the paramedics who had worked on Leonard.

"He's barely stable, even less than barely. You have thirty seconds. Absolutely no more. Understood?"

Penny nodded and ran to stretcher where Leonard lay. He just stared blankly ahead and trembled violently under the pile of blankets.

Penny put her hand out and let her fingers slide in the unruly dark curls on his head. Surprised by the touch, she saw Leonard flinch and turn his eyes towards her, and seemingly uncomprehending, watched her every move. With her right thumb, she stroked his brow as her tears sprinkled down on him. She then lifted her left arm across his chest and, coming in close, she drew him in a hug as she whispered something in his left ear. She then pulled away and after kissing his brow and a final caress in his hair, she nodded to the paramedics that she was done.

Her actions were so gentle and tender with such obvious concern, that the paramedic felt bad that he spoke so harshly to her.

With that, the stretcher was lifted and slid into the ambulance. The doors were closed. The last glimpse of Leonard was lost to her.

Penny just stood watching as the ambulance pulled away and moved off into the night.

…..


	7. Chapter 7

End's Beginning – Chapter 7

Sheldon paced furiously as he took his temperature yet again. Pinching the front of his t-shirt between his thumb and his forefinger, he fanned the cotton quickly to create a miniscule breeze against his chest and neck. The thermometer beeped and after removing it from his mouth, he read the electronic display.

"97.5 degrees Fahrenheit, 36.4 degrees Celsius."

"See. Still afebrile. You're fine," Amy's monotone voice spoke to him over the computer.

"Ninety degrees, Amy, ninety degrees," Sheldon once again shouting the offending number at the computer. "Leonard maliciously adjusted that thermostat," his arm pointing wildly to the device in question, "and left me here in the sweltering heat to roast like a foil wrapped potato in hot coals."

"Sheldon, please. You're exaggerating."

"The Sweaty Night of '06 was nothing, nothing compared to this." Sheldon put a hand to his forehead. "An amendment to the Roommate Agreement is not enough to address this blatantly vicious behavior. Fines aren't suitable punishment either. No. I believe the only suitable remedy for this egregious transgression are sanctions."

Amy shook her head and sighed. Initially, it had been quite pleasing to watch Sheldon pace like a manly beast, his shapely, firm buttocks barely contained in the tighty-whities. As it was the most intimate encounter they had to date, she toyed with the idea of encouraging Leonard to turn the thermostat up more often. Except for the iced washcloth tented on his parietal skull that Sheldon insisted on wearing 'to cool his frying head', it was kind of … sexy. Now after forty minutes of ranting, any sexy was long gone and it was just tedious.

"Sheldon, calm down."

"Calm down? Calm down? How can I possibly calm down? Leonard committed a vicious violation of our Roommate Agreement and knowingly put me in danger of hyperthermia, heat stroke, or any one of the many heat related illness classifications."

"You are being unreasonable. First, the temperature never rose to ninety. You noticed it at eighty-one. Second, eighty-one degrees is not a temperature that would likely cause any heat related sequelae. And thirdly, I'd like to remind you that you are an endotherm. You create heat by metabolic processes. Your incessant pacing and frantic activity is fueling your endothermic jets by keeping you warm and consequently making you feel hotter."

Sheldon stopped pacing and turned to the computer, his face filling the screen. "Amy! My brain is exceptional, a once in a century precious rarity and should not be subjected to such dramatic heat! My brain and thus my intelligence will be cooked like an egg on a hot pan! And then where will I be? Insignificant, ordinary and common just like you and everyone else!"

"That was uncalled for. And you look ridiculous in that washcloth hat."

Sheldon glared at the screen.

"Just lower the thermostat to cool the apartment," Amy reasonably suggested.

"I've been taking multiple cooling showers, Amy! My hair is wet! Do you want me to catch a cold in addition to hyperthermia?"

"Sheldon, you don't catch a cold from a wet head. One gets a the common cold from airborne droplet exposure from any of the over 200 various viruses responsible for transmission."

"That's your opinion."

"Well if you won't turn the thermostat down, why don't you just open a window?"

"And risk a bird flying in here? Or a bat? Or any number of pestilence carrying diseased insects? Please! Do you even listen to yourself?"

"Sheldon, I think that there is something more going on here that you are not sharing. What happened between you and Leonard tonight?"

Sheldon's eye twitched. "Nothing. Why do you ask?"

"This passive-aggressive strike is very much in response to some stimulus that incited Leonard and drove him to action. It's not his character to act out. He generally submits to the oppression of the Roommate Agreement without resistance. There is the occasional Leonard rebellion but even then that ends with, at the most, a sigh of exasperation, a tedious comment or 'The Leonard Look.'"

"What's 'The Leonard Look'?"

"You know the one where he turns his head down and looks at you over his glasses while furrowing his eyebrows." As she was speaking, Amy recreated 'the look'.

Sheldon sighed. Oh yes. He knew 'the look'.

"What I'm saying is that this acting out is just a symptom of something much larger. Pardon my use of the street vernacular but something 'set him off.' And, quite possibly, you are in a position to know what it was."

Sheldon's eye twitched again. "As Leonard is nothing but perplexing and inscrutable, a complete quagmire of the ordinary and unexplainable, I have no idea what may have 'set him off'."

Twitch.

Amy, looking judgmental, just shook her head.

"Let me just say this. In my time of great need, in this heat emergency, you have been nothing but a disappointment, Amy Farrah Fowler. Now if you don't mind, I must attend to crafting sanctions to address Leonard's malicious behavior."

Amy sighed. "Good night, Sheldon."

…..

The last paper had just exited the printer and Sheldon gathered the latest draft of the Sanctions Section of the newly amended Roommate Agreement. He carefully tapped the papers in place, avoiding dents, aligning them neatly and perfectly straight in an 8x11 bundle.

Calmer now and satisfied that all future behaviors will be summarily dealt with, Sheldon reviewed the 'Leonard Banned from Halo Night Sanction', the 'Leonard Banned from New Comic Book Night Sanction', and the 'Leonard Banned from Vintage Video Game Night Sanction' with pleasure. After securing the document in the tabbed plastic Roommate Agreement binder, he put it on top of Leonard's computer with a conveniently placed pen for easy signing.

Just as Sheldon turned to go to the kitchen for a soothing cup of warm milk, the phone rang and all the electronic devices in the apartment beeped simultaneously, both laptops and his cell phone, signaling incoming messages.

Sheldon looked suspiciously at all the machines. "That's odd."

As the computers and cell phone would be receiving text messages and could be reviewed later, social nicety dictated that the ringing telephone should be answered be first.

"Hello?" Sheldon heard a recorded message.

_You are receiving this alert through the University Emergency Notification System. Please be advised that a dangerous situation has been reported on campus at the University Research Labs. This location is now closed due to an explosion and fire. Please evacuate nearby buildings and avoid the area until further notice. Tune to AM 410 for continued information. Thank you for your cooperation. _

Sheldon gasped in shock, nearly dropping the phone.

Turning, he yelled down the hallway that led to the bedrooms. "Leonard! Leonard! Come here quickly! You have to hear this! There's an emergency at the University! Len …," his voice trailed off as cold realization chilled his spine. His roommate wasn't at home and was at, as far as he knew, the University Research Labs.

A man of order and routine, lists and schedules all created and designed to keep his anxiety in check, Sheldon had no idea what to do. All the Emergency Preparedness Drills had not readied him for this – an actual emergency that made his innate apprehension flare and any readiness crumble. The panic left him physically spinning in his living room, in his t-shirt and underwear with a washcloth on his head, clutching the phone with such force that he nearly snapped it in half.

The house phone once again rang in his hand. Sheldon stopped turning and answered it quickly.

"Hello?"

"Good evening. This is Detective Palmieri with the Pasadena Police Department. I'd like to speak with Sheldon Cooper, if he's available."

"This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper."

"Good. Sorry to bother you Dr. Cooper but you're listed as the emergency contact for Leonard Stadler."

"Hofstadter," Sheldon corrected. "And yes, I am."

"I'm sorry to report to you that there has been an emergency at the University and Mr. Stadler has been injured."

"Dr. Hofstadter," Sheldon corrected again. "What? What happened? Is he hurt badly?"

"I certainly can't speak about any injury or how severe it is. The ER docs will fill you in there. But I can tell you he's awake and alert and he's been talking with us."

Distracted, Sheldon glanced at his cell phone as it began to beep incessantly with incoming calls. And now the home phone began to beep under the detective's voice indicating there was an incoming call standing by on line, waiting to be answered.

"He's on the stretcher right now. Looks like he's just got a bump to the head. It's all wrapped up like some sort of soldier in a Civil War reenactment."

"Thank goodness." Sheldon released a breath that he didn't even realize he had been holding.

"And he's being taken to the ER at Huntington. The docs can explain everything there."

"All right. Thank you, Detective."

Sheldon pressed a key to allow the waiting call to be answered.

"Hello?"

"Sheldon! It's Howard. Did you get the alert about what happening at the University?"

"I did. Howard …"

"Did you turn on the TV? The camera crews are there! It's unbelievable! The whole wall is blown out! I can't imagine what happened! Does Leonard know? I can't get in touch with him. His phone just keeps going to voice mail."

"Howard, Leonard was at the University."

"What? Why? Why was he at the University? He said he had research and calculations, but he never said he had to go to his lab."

"And as his emergency contact, I just got a call from a detective informing me that Leonard was injured."

"Wait! What?! Oh my, God! How badly is he hurt? What did they say?"

"He said that Leonard sustained a bump to the head. Given how little he uses it, it's not the worst thing that could happen."

"Sheldon! Really? Was that necessary?"

"They also said he was awake and alert and was speaking to them. They're taking him to the Huntington ER."

Howard called over his shoulder to Bernadette. "Bernie, see if you can get Penny on the phone. Sheldon says Leonard was at the University and was injured." Sheldon heard a squeaky 'Oh my, God' from Bernadette in the background. "Sheldon says they told him it's not bad, just a bump to the head."

"Sheldon, I'll get Raj and we're coming over to pick you up to take you to the hospital."

"Oh no. No. I don't think that will be necessary." Sheldon could feel the dizziness, dry mouth and the elevated heart rate that would overcome him anytime he thought of hospitals and the unclean germ ridden activities there.

"What's not necessary? The ride? Or going to the hospital?"

"Both."

"What? Why?"

"There are the germs, the very contagion that lingers and brews in the corridors and is lying in wait for a susceptible host. The diseases. The sick. The smells. The overall … stickiness. Besides, I'm feeling rather ill and sick people shouldn't go to the hospital."

"Sheldon, you're fine. I spent all evening with you. And you went with Leonard to the hospital before when he got the stitches in his hand, right? This is no different."

"But this is different."

"How?"

"Because I said it is."

"You are his emergency contact and have his Living Will and Durable Power of Attorney, correct?"

"Yes."

"So what if they need consent for any medical procedures?"

"They said it was a just a bump to the head and that he was alert and talking. Certainly Leonard can consent for himself."

Sheldon heard Howard's exasperated sigh over the phone.

"Howard, this is real. If someone sneezes or coughs near me, I can feel their wet spray on my face for hours. Besides that, hospitals have a general ewwey-ness," Sheldon defended.

Sheldon heard Howard speaking to Bernadette. "He's says he's not coming to the hospital because of the germs and sick people shouldn't go to the hospital. Oh, and hospitals are ewwey."

"Give me that phone. Sheldon, this is Bernadette."

"The sandpaper effect on the base of my spine due to the mouse-squeak character of your voice made identification unnecessary."

"As a microbiologist, let me tell you that there is little actual danger to you at the hospital. There are more germs in your apartment than are in a hospital." However since it didn't support her position in the argument, she left out the fact that the hospital germs are more pathologic and virulent. No need to mention that. "Leonard is your friend. Now gather what you think you'll need, your latex gloves, your Purell, your Clorox Wipes, whatever. But so help me God, you are going to that hospital and if I need to carry you there on my back I'll do it."

"All riiiiiight," Sheldon hissed peevishly.

Howard was back on the line. "OK, so we'll be by to pick you up."

"No, Howard. Thank you. I'll contact Amy Farrah Fowler and she'll take me."

"OK … but if Amy can't take you, call me right back, OK?"

"Thank you, Howard."

"All right. We'll meet you there."

...


	8. Chapter 8

End's Beginning – Chapter 8

With latex gloves, sanitizing and disinfecting agents close at hand, Sheldon and Amy walked into the emergency room at Huntington Hospital. And tucked away among all the bactericidal agents in Sheldon's messenger bag were Leonard's Living Will and Durable Power of Attorney.

The ER was busy. The waiting room was packed with patients, their friends or family. But despite the large crowd, the room was basically quiet but filled with an excited hum, as all eyes were on the television, watching the broadcast of the explosion and fire just a few miles away.

Amy and Sheldon approached the reception desk manned by a beautiful but disinterested-looking twenty-something with jet-black hair, the ends of which were dyed purple.

"Can I help you?" A bored voice.

"Yes. I received a call from the Pasadena Police informing me that our friend was involved in the fire and sustained an injury. I was told that he was brought here."

The sound of cracking gum. "Your friend gotta name?"

"Dr. Leonard Hofstadter."

Jeannie, according to her nametag, tapped on her computer keyboard. "Hmmm. Not here."

Amy and Sheldon glanced at one another.

"Are you sure?"

"Yep. There's no one with that name here."

"Well, did you spell it correctly?"

"If h..o..f..s..t..a..d..t..e..r is correctly, then yeah."

Silence. Jeannie blew a small bubble with her gum. "So if I got the right name, the question is, do you have the right hospital?"

"Yes I have the right hospital! A Detective Palmieri called me and said Leonard was being brought here! So whom do I believe? A member of the Pasadena Police Department or a surly, lesser delegate of this healthcare institution?"

"Sheldon, lets approach this from a different angle. It is possible that Leonard is no longer in the emergency room." Amy looked at Jeannie. "The database you just searched, was it just the emergency room or an inpatient census?"

"Both."

"Can you tell us has anyone been brought in, at anytime, with an injury from the University?"

Jeannie scanned the screen. "Yes."

"Can you tell us that person's name?"

"No." Another small chewing gum bubble was blown quickly and popped with her teeth. "HIPPA violation."

"Is there anything that you can tell us?"

"Yeah. Your friend's not here."

Amy and Sheldon just looked at one another.

"Is it too quiet in here tonight? Is working in an emergency room not exciting enough for you? Are you deliberately trying to create a chaotic situation with your obstructionist manner? Because let me tell you, I am beginning to seethe."

"Sheldon, stay calm."

"I'm being helpful. You asked, I answered."

Amy remembered something. "Sheldon, you said the detective had referred to Leonard by the last name Stadler. That's close. Perhaps in the confusion at the scene, some information may have gotten misconstrued or muddled." Amy turned her attention to Jeannie once again. "Can you tell us do you have a Leonard Stadler as a patient here? Either in the emergency or inpatient census?"

With a heavy sigh, Jeannie once again tapped on the keyboard. "Well, congratulations. That name worked."

"Very good. Then can you tell us where he is?"

"You know, I'm not feeling comfortable with any of this. You're giving me all these different names until one works."

Amy continued, "We understand that completely. But there may have been a mix-up with the name. May we speak to someone else? Perhaps to a member of the staff that may have cared for him? Maybe if we described our friend …"

"Just let me go back and check things out with the charge nurse."

"Thank you."

Jeannie got up and disappeared through the doors that led to the treatment areas. Through a window, Sheldon and Amy saw her speaking with a woman in scrubs. Jeannie was pointing to them through the glass as she spoke. Just then, Howard, Raj and Bernadette came in hurriedly and joined them at the counter.

Everyone spoke at once.

"Is everything OK?"

"Have you heard anything about Leonard?"

"Amy! Have you been able to reach Penny? Her phone just keeps going to voice mail."

"They seem to have lost Leonard."

"What?"

"No. I can't get ahold of her either. We even knocked for her multiple times before we left. She wasn't home."

"How could they lose him?"

"Wait! Lost him how?"

"We're not entirely sure. Perhaps lost is not the right word. But there seems to be confusion regarding Leonard's name. And this secretary to whom we've been speaking is determined to be not helpful. She has a very stubborn passive-aggressive nature. I feel as if we entered The Twilight Zone. Either that or we're being Punked."

"This has been nothing but frustrating. We have been treated with a total lack of compassion and complete callousness. As Amy said, this malcontent is determined to be not helpful. Let me tell you, I've seen the future and it's frightening. A beautiful dark-haired purposefully impudent young woman with an agile mind," Sheldon said as he pointed to the returning Jeannie with a nurse in tow, "would be Leonard and Penny's offspring. God help us. I tell you the cyborgs cannot rise fast enough."

The doors to the treatment area opened and Jeannie and the nurse they saw behind the glass nurse exited. Jeannie took her seat with an audible huff. The nurse spoke to the group.

"Hi! Good evening, my name's Maureen. I'm the charge nurse here tonight. Jeannie filled me in on the situation regarding the name. At an accident scene like this, a mistaken identity, confusion regarding names does happen. Let's figure this out."

…..

Maureen took the group into a consult room and, using the data entered into the computer from the paramedic's paperwork, she questioned the group. All the questions she asked were correctly answered when compared to the paperwork. They knew Mr. Stadler's address, past medical history, and allergies. Sheldon produced The Living Will and Durable Power of Attorney. Even the physical description they gave matched with the one from a treating nurse. After having to deal with Jeannie, the process of correctly identifying Leonard was quick and efficient. Good thing too, because Maureen noticed that the group was becoming agitated.

"Just speak with Leonard, he'll tell you who we are," the man with the Beatles haircut said.

"Why can't Leonard just tell you all this himself?" the woman wearing the cardigan asked.

"We were told he just had a bump on the head," the petite blonde added.

"As Leonard's Durable Power of Attorney, legally I have every right to know what's happening. What is going on here that you're not telling us?" The Power of Attorney stood as he put a balled fist on the table for added effect.

"I was not here when Dr. Hofstadter was brought in by the ambulance and the treating ER doctor left at the change of shift. But his injuries were far more than just a bump on the head. From the records we have, it looks like there are significant blast injuries that include a surgical abdomen, a broken arm and leg and smoke inhalation."

"What?!" The Power of Attorney practically yelled.

"Oh my God!" The woman in the cardigan exclaimed, putting a hand to her chest.

"From the paramedics records, it also looks like he had to be resuscitated at the scene."

"Oh my God! Leonard!" The petite blonde began to cry.

"Jesus! Is he alive?" Beatles haircut asked as he held the sobbing blonde.

"He's not dead, is he?" Power of Attorney asked as his aggressive stance folded and fell into an empty chair.

"He's in the operating room right now. And we're very lucky that his surgeon, Dr. Gaithers, is an experienced trauma specialist who has worked extensively with blast victims in Afganistan. There is no better person to be with him now."

"Penny! She doesn't even know!" The woman in the cardigan said.

The only member of the group who never spoke was the man with the caramel-complexion who just stood looking horrified, both hands covering his mouth.

"Let me take you up to the waiting room outside of the operating room. I will let Dr. Gaithers and his team know that you're there. When they can, they'll come and speak to you. Certainly, they can better fill you in concerning all the medical and surgical issues."

"Thank you." The woman in the cardigan said as she helped the visibly shocked Power of Attorney to stand.

"And you might want to notify Dr. Hofstadter's family."

"Thank you. We will, " said Beatles haircut.

…..

The charge nurse left the stunned group in the empty fourth floor waiting room as she went to the operating room to speak with the surgical team.

Except for them, the large waiting room was empty. Softly lit by the light of some vending machines, the room had a soothing glow. Their mechanical hum was the only sound in the room. Large windows gave a beautiful view of the surrounding scenery. Rows of utilitarian but comfortable chairs lined the walls and center of the room. Small tables at the end of the rows were piled high with various magazines. A zone was designated as a children's play area with a colorful mat, books, large plastic building blocks, and a tiny table with chairs.

The group disbanded and went to find the solace in different corners of the room. Raj just stood by the floor to ceiling windows looking out at the star filled sky over the San Gabriel Mountains. Howard and Bernadette sat together on a couch, Howard holding her and rocking her as she cried. A man of intellect, Sheldon wanted to know what happened. He and Amy found a flat screen television set high in the wall, the remote control attached by a cord. He turned the TV on to see the news broadcast from the University. Mindful of the time of night, he kept the volume down. Brightly lit by the television crews, for the first time, he saw the damage for himself: the smoke, the downed trees, the dead rats, the wall blown out across the lawn.

"Oh dear, Lord! Leonard was in that?! What happened?"

"Yeah, Sheldon. That's what I'd like to know. What happened? Leonard said he had research and calculations, but he never mentioned he needed to go to the University."

Even though Howard's tone was curious, not accusatory, Sheldon started to feel defensive.

"Yeah, Sheldon. I'd like to know that too. What happened between you and Leonard tonight?"

All eyes turned towards Penny as she walked towards the group, staring at Sheldon, arms folded across her chest. If Howard's tone wasn't accusatory, Penny's certainly was. Covered in fine soot, the acrid smell of smoke wafted around her. Her eyes were red and swollen. She had been crying. Badly.

Bernadette ran towards her. "Penny! Thank God! We've been trying to get you!"

"Penny what happened? You were there?" Amy asked, picking up on the soot and the smell of smoke.

Penny's eyes never left Sheldon. "I was there with him. At the University."

A flood of exclamations came at her.

"Oh my, God!"

"Are you all right?"

"The scene is terrible! Just what happened there?"

"In a minute," she said still staring at Sheldon. "I've been thinking about this and it all started with you. I met Leonard in the parking lot after he left the apartment. He said he had a 'brutal Sheldon-fight' and he turned the thermostat up to ninety degrees to get even. But he didn't go into any details. Now I want to know what happened."

Amy sighed and shook her head. She knew something had happened between the roommates. She felt a pang in her heart. She wished Sheldon had been honest with her.

Howard was astonished. "You had a fight with Leonard? Why? We had a great evening together! We ate, played video games! We even toasted Leonard on the big government grant he got … he was so happy."

"Leonard got a government grant?"

Sheldon was silent and just stood there twitching.

"Yeah. From the Department of Defense. A nice one too. $450, 000 over four years. They had a read a paper he published regarding his work with lasers. They sought him out. He was practically bursting, waiting to tell us the news."

"He never mentioned anything."

"He said he was afraid to, he said he didn't want to jinx it."

Raj tapped Howard on the arm and pointed to Sheldon as he just stood there silently twitching.

The light went on in Howard's head. "That's it!" He spoke to Sheldon. "That's it! You're jealous that Leonard got a grant."

"No. I'm not jealous. Why would I be jealous?" Sheldon asked as he twitched spastically.

"Because Leonard got recognized for excellent work," Howard countered.

"And it's killing you," Penny added.

"I'm not jealous."

"Then what was the fight about?"

"I may have pointed out to Leonard some failings he has as a scientist."

"Did he point out some failings to you that you have as human being?" Penny was practically shouting.

"Aww! Sheldon! Why would you do that! He's your friend!"

"Yes. And as my friend, you think he'd keep me, his best friend, apprised of the significant issues in his life. But he didn't. This Department of Defense inquiry went on for months and he never mentioned anything to me, keeping me in the dark like so many mushrooms."

"Well, I can only guess that Leonard didn't tell you his good news because he probably felt you would dump on him."

"Like tonight, when he told you his good news and you dumped on him," Penny added.

Amy's heart was breaking. She loved the little group she was now a part of and she hated to see it fractured. She also had very strong feelings for Sheldon and disliked that Howard and Penny were being so brutally aggressive with him. Well, that and the fact that they did seem to have the better part of the argument. Leonard was usually the one to 'fix' things in their little group. Perhaps this time she could mollify the situation.

"Penny, Howard. I'm sure Sheldon is very happy for Leonard. But maybe Sheldon's just feeling some resentment towards the recognition due to the fact that Leonard sabotaged the Arctic Expedition and ruined Sheldon's chance for the Nobel Prize."

Whatever Amy believed she would accomplish with what she thought was a pacifying comment, had the opposite effect.

Penny, shaking her head and rolling her eyes, threw her arms up into the air. "Jesus! This. Again."

Raj, who had been hanging back letting Howard and Penny do all the talking, now came forward and stood beside Howard. He was staring at her and Sheldon, jaws clenched. Howard looked the same. They both leaned forward in an aggressive stance.

Howard's voice was low and acidic. "Oh. Is that what Sheldon told you?"

Amy took a tiny step back. "Yes," she answered softly.

"Did he also tell you that we kept all the original data and he proved nothing? Did he tell you that the experiment he designed was flawed and no slow moving monopoles were ever detected?"

"No …"

"So rather than owing up to his flawed methodology, he just blamed Leonard. Is that what he did?"

"I'm not sure …"

"Let's look at it this way. The National Science Foundation does not like it's resources to be wasted. And if Leonard," Howard made air quotes, "'sabotaged' three months of work, the NSF would be pissed, wouldn't they? And by extension, so would the University. And when they launched an investigation, and they did, and reviewed the results, which they did, Leonard wasn't sanctioned or removed from the University. Why do you suppose? I'll tell you. There were no results to sabotage." Howard pointed to Sheldon. "He. Proved. Nothing."

Amy glanced at Sheldon, who was just looking away.

Raj spoke hurriedly into Howard's ear, pointing at Sheldon as he spoke.

"Raj, I've had enough. You know everyone here. If you have something to say, say it for yourself. I'm tired of having your tongue in my ear."

Raj rapidly opened and closed his mouth. No words came forward.

"You better help me defend us. Our friendship may depend on it."

The astrophysicist glanced around the room in panic. Howard looked at him expectantly.

"Dude! You were a ginormous asshat." Raj practically screamed at Sheldon. He turned to Amy. "Did he tell you he said we weren't working hard enough and that he hid our food? That he let us only sleep in four hour intervals? That he overrode our computers so we couldn't communicate with anyone unless he gave us permission? We had a plan to kill him. Did Sheldon tell you that? Leonard did what he did to make him happy so he would ease up. Leonard saved us. All of us."

Bernadette had enough. She looked around the room. Penny was now crying by herself in a corner and Amy looked down uncomfortably at the floor, heartbroken and near tears. Howard and Raj were angrier than she had ever seen them and Sheldon looked tense. She loved her little band of friends and now it was threatening to collapse, dividing them and taking everyone with it. Leonard may be dying and they would need one another more than ever if the unthinkable happened.

"That's it! That's it! Enough!" She faced Howard and Raj. "Oh boo hoo. Sheldon was so mean to us in the Arctic!" Bernadette ridiculed. "You know what he's like to work with! You both went there, and Leonard too, fully knowing what a nutbag Sheldon is. Did you think it would be easier when his precious Nobel Prize was on the line?"

Howard stammered. "Well no …"

Bernadette turned her tiny wrath on Sheldon. "And you! Nobel Prize, Schnobel Prize!" She mocked, "Oh, oh I'm so mad at Leonard! He turned the can opener off and on! Get over it! Remember this – Leonard gave you something much greater than a Nobel Prize."

Sheldon looked stunned. "Other than the daily reinforcement of my superiority, what gift has Leonard given me that is greater than a Nobel Prize?"

Now it was Bernadette's turned to look stunned. "Us, Sheldon. Us. Everyone in this room, everyone you call a friend, and everyone here who loves and accepts you as you are, are here because of Leonard. He's the common denominator."

Sheldon sneered and towered over Bernadette. "Are you trying to tell me that this base collection of individuals, this subpar group of unfulfilled potential …"

Howard interrupted. "We love you too, Sheldon."

Sheldon continued unfazed, looking hard at Bernadette. "To whom, by complete chance, I find myself among, is better than a Nobel Prize?"

Raising her chin up, Bernadette looked Sheldon straight in the in the eye. "Yes."

"Well let me just tell you this. I ah … I um … I'll say this … um … I ah … um …" Sheldon slowly trailed off into silence.

Howard smiled. "We love you too, Sheldon."

Just then, Maureen returned with a cell phone in her hand. Coming from their respective corners, the group formed around her.

"I just came from the OR and spoke with Dr. Gaithers and made him aware of the situation. Although he appreciated that your answers matched our paperwork, he wanted positive identification." She took out the cell phone and showed them a photo that had just been taken with the camera. "Is this Dr. Leonard Hofstadter?"

The audible gasps, cries and soft exclamations from the group told her all she need to know.

Leonard looked dead.

Pale with a waxy complexion, he lay on the operating room table. The only color he had were the livid purple bruises on the right side of his face that extended down to his jaw and shoulder and continued to travel down under the sheet that lightly covered his chest. His eyes were swollen and taped shut. A tube was in his mouth and taped to his face, another was up one of his nostrils, going who-knows-where and draining god-knows-what. Multiple tubes and wires lay crisscrossed on his chest. A thick tube was sutured into the side of his neck; a second one was in his chest. Crusted blood lay in a trail from his right ear. He was wearing one of those puffy green paper operating room hats, a lone black curl escaping from under the elastic band.

The nurse turned to Sheldon. "I'm going to have the paperwork corrected and then I'll be back with some admission papers you'll need to sign."

Looking as if he was having a hard time breathing, Sheldon grabbed his chest. He stumbled backwards. Amy ran to his side to provide support.

Tears were in his eyes. "Amy. I did this. I did this."

…..

_A/N -As always, I'd like to thank you for reading this far and hope you are continuing to enjoy the story. Please consider sending a review as any comments and/or criticisms will be gratefully accepted. _


	9. Chapter 9

End's Beginning – Chapter 9

With one hand on Sheldon's elbow, Amy turned and reaching behind her, pulled a chair over and eased Sheldon down into the seat.

"Sheldon, look at me," Amy said as she stood before him, putting both hands on his shoulders. Doing as he was ordered, Sheldon slowly raised his head and looked at her with a stunned expression, tears welling in his blue eyes.

Amy lowered her voice to a whisper. "Now listen to me and listen to me good. You are not responsible for this. You are responsible for starting a fight, quite likely out of jealousy, and failing to support a friend. But beyond that, nothing. Whatever happened after Leonard left the apartment was his decision and his decision only."

"But I just feel … I just feel …," Sheldon struggled to find the right word to describe his whirling feelings, "… bad … I just feel so bad."

"I know. But this is an emotionally charged situation for our little group. We're facing a significant stressor that we've never encountered before. And they're," Amy nodded, indicating the dispersed group standing behind her, "going to need someone to blame for this. Leonard is gravely injured and they can't be mad at him. They won't be mad at him. You will be their most easy and convenient target. And that's fine. If you're the pillow they need to punch for their displaced anger, so be it."

Sheldon touched a fingertip to his eye. A tear slid down his hand.

"I know it doesn't feel like this right now but know in your heart you had nothing to do with this."

Sheldon lowered his eyes and shook his head dismissively.

"OK. Now I'm going to try to repair our little group. When I call, you come."

Still not meeting her gaze, Sheldon just nodded.

Like a general approaching D-Day, Amy looked strategically around the room. Bernadette was sitting in a chair while Penny was standing in a corner by herself, facing the wall. Both were crying. Howard and Raj, standing near Bernadette, were hugging one another. After a long embrace, they pulled apart. Howard was speaking softly to Raj as the astrophysicist dabbed at his eyes as if he were crying. Amy glanced behind her to where Sheldon sat, staring at the floor looking pale and lost.

Although her heart spoke clearly for Penny, the most advantage would be gained by approaching the Howard/Raj/Bernadette contingent first. They were the largest aggregation. And if Penny's seemingly charged acrimony and hostility towards Sheldon (and to lesser degree, herself) did not abate, then Bernadette's 'swing status' between Penny and the Amy/Sheldon group could prove to be invaluable in repairing the strained relationship.

Straightening her cardigan, Amy approached the Howard/Raj/Bernadette party slowly. Sheldon may have started the split with his fight with Leonard, but she provided the fracture with her North Pole comment. Time to make amends.

"Howard, Raj."

Both men turned to her with varying shades of pain, anger, and hostility on their faces. Tears glistened in Raj's eyes.

"Please accept my deepest apology for my earlier comment. Tonight, I have been amply reminded that there are two sides to every story and I never tried to hear yours regarding your time with Sheldon at the North Pole. This has been a valuable reminder for me. What I was told me I took at face value and never bothered to question. I can only imagine what you went through was exceedingly trying. Again, please accept my apology for the myopic view I had of your situation. And when I'm able to do so, I'll apologize to Leonard as well."

The hard looks on Howard's and Raj's faces softened.

"Why thank you, Amy. That was very kind of you. You're right. It was very difficult for us on the expedition. And for what it's worth, Raj, Leonard, and myself have apologized to Sheldon numerous times … not for sabotaging anything … but in the way that we had mislead him."

Raj was nodding in agreement. Then he added, "Thank you, Amy. That was very generous of you."

To her complete surprise, Howard then Raj, drew her into a comforting hug. Bernadette, watching the entire exchange with wide eyes, just cried. Then she quietly stood and hugged Amy too.

Amy was the first to pull from the embrace. She looked at Bernadette. "Come with me and let's get Penny. Hopefully we can get her to talk and she can us what happened."

Penny was still huddled in the corner, facing the wall. Amy put a comforting hand to her back and rubbed it gently.

"Penny?" She asked softly. And to Amy's relief, that was all that was needed.

Penny turned and fell into Amy's and Bernadette's waiting arms, sobbing painfully. Both women held her tight and, rubbing her back, spoke soothingly to her.

"It's OK. We're here."

"That's it. Cry. Just get it all out."

"It … was … terrible. Absolutely … awful," Penny rambled brokenly, in sobbing gasps. "I'll never … be able … to … forget this."

"I know. I know. But talking will help," Amy said as she gently led Penny from the corner and guided her to the spot in the middle of the room where Bernadette had been sitting.

Howard drew Penny into a warm hug as she approached. He spoke to her as they embraced. "Penny. I'm so sorry you went through this. Are you up to telling us what happened? It's a little confusing and we're trying to piece it together."

Penny nodded as embrace ended and as she turned, she found herself in Raj's arms. "Penny, I'm so sorry. Are you all right? You're not hurt or anything?"

"No. I'm fine … thank … you, Raj," Penny said as she sat down in chair.

Amy glanced over at Sheldon. He still hadn't budged. He sat by himself, staring at the floor, in the chair that she had pulled over for him. Behind him, the television was still on, showing the scenes from the University. The camera had focused up close on a dead rat as the reporter, with some asinine commentary, poked at the carcass with a stick.

"Sheldon, "Amy called. "Come over here. Penny's going to tell us what happened."

Pulled from his thoughts, Sheldon dazedly looked up at the group surrounding Penny. Howard and Raj were busy pulling chairs around so they all could sit. Bernadette was stroking Penny's arm and was speaking to her softly. Only Amy was looking at him expectantly as she, not too subtly, nodded her head towards the group. Not that he was adroit in picking up on body language cues, but even he could tell this one meant 'get over here now, Mister.' Looking at his friends, he tried to judge if the group still held him at the same level of animosity they had directed at him earlier. Again, not that he could tell but it did seem to level off considerably.

After making a stop at a nearby water cooler, Sheldon slowly approached his friends.

He held the small cup of cool water out to Penny.

"Social protocol dictates that when a friend is upset, you bring them a hot beverage. The water cooler dispenses hot water but as I have nothing to steep in it, like tea, or dissolve in it, like bullion or a pixie stick, I thought that, just this one time, cool water would be more appropriate. Maybe it can also serve to soothe your throat as you sound a bit hoarse."

Amy smiled and slowly nodded her head, obviously condoning the gesture.

Penny took the offered cup. "Thank you, Sheldon." The angry hurt that she had directed at him earlier was still in her eyes. She drank the water.

"Penny, what happened?"

And the friends listened, riveted.

"It was awful … just terrible. I met Leonard in the parking lot … he said he had a fight with Sheldon," Penny glanced up at physicist standing above her. She returned her gaze to the group. "He said he was going to finish up some work at his office … run calculations through the mainframe or something like that, then we were going to get something to eat … he showed me his office and then he set his computer to accept the mainframe stuff and … he left. He wasn't gone long when I heard him yell to me. He said to get out of the building … I didn't believe it … it was creepy there and I thought it was a joke … then the fire alarm went off and then a few seconds later, there was an explosion. The whole building shook … smoke and dust were everywhere … I took off running … I saw where the explosion happened … the whole corridor was blocked off where the ceiling came down and the flames were shooting up to the second floor. But I was lost ... I was running in circles ... then a woman from the cleaning staff found me and led me outside.

"Did you see Leonard again? How did you know to come here?" Howard asked gently.

As Penny had been talking, she was animated and her tears flowed freely, and she was able to look at her friends. But now, at Howard's question, her demeanor changed. Her face crumpled and putting her hand to over her mouth, she fell forward in chair, racked with heartbreaking sobs.

Warm hands were on her back and comforting words floated around her.

"Penny, it will help if you talk about it."

"I know it's painful, but please tell us. We can help."

Penny just nodded her head. It took several minutes for her to compose herself. Her words now came out in hiccoughing gasps.

"It was … terrible … Beatriz took me outside … and I went to find … Leonard … I saw him … I saw him … he was kneeling … beside the wall … I ran … I ran … but I didn't get there … in time … he was screaming … my name and … then … he went back into the building …" Penny fell forward in the chair again, " … he was … screaming my name …"

"Oh, Penny!"

"Jesus! He ran back in!"

Penny nodded. Her words were a whisper. "They carried him out … covered in ashes … they had to put … electricity … through his heart … a bone … was sticking out of his thigh … it was terrible … just terrible ... he just laid there …"

As Penny sat crumpled in the chair, Bernadette threw herself across Penny's back and held her as they both cried. Howard and Raj were embracing once again as Raj openly cried. Amy's hand covered her mouth as her tears fell for her friends. But despite her pain, she was still surprised when Sheldon turned her around, and wrapping his arms around her, lowered his head into the crook of her shoulder. She felt his tears on her skin.

She returned his embrace.

It took several minutes for them to compose themselves. And then much to Sheldon's dismay, in the ultimate hippie expression, there was a group hug. And he was included. Whispered words of comfort, caring, and concern were passed from one to the other. And as Sheldon felt his heart warm he realized that despite the hippie-dippieness of it all, there was comfort to be found in the company of your friends. Pain eased, if only just a little. It didn't matter who was the smartest or what one's educational level might be. Or who was the most likely to win a Nobel Prize. In their shared pain, they were all equals. Maybe there was something to be said for human contact after all.

No matter how unsanitary.

…..

Raj found tissues on one of tables and the box was passed around. When the box had ended its way around the circle of friends, it was nearly empty.

Everyone was now composed and just waiting for some news.

But Howard was antsy. Watching the news feed from the University, Penny's story created more questions than answers.

Not wanted to cause her any more distress, Howard approached her cautiously.

"Penny? Can I ask you a few questions?"

"Sure," she shrugged. "Anything."

"I'm just curious. How did you get to the hospital?"

"A bunch of us who were at the scene were rounded up by the police and the detectives asked us questions. They asked us if we had seen anything out of the usual and all that. Then I heard them say there was a second victim taken to the hospital who was alert and they wanted to question him. The detective knew I wanted to get to the hospital, so he offered me a ride."

"Did you see anything unusual?"

"No. Nothing. But there was one thing and I did tell the detectives this. When we first entered the building, Leonard and I heard what sounded like two people having an argument. I couldn't hear what they were saying, just raised voices, but then, someone laughed and it ended. That's it. I didn't hear anything more and didn't see anyone. Except for Beatriz, you know, after."

"And Leonard said he was going to the mainframe computer?"

"Yep."

"Sheldon, Raj come here. This just doesn't make sense. Look at the building," Howard pointed to the television. "The explosion happened in the Biology/Pharmacology Wing. If Leonard was going to run calculations, the mainframe is in the complete opposite direction."

"Howard, you're right," Sheldon added. "If Leonard was going to the computer, the path from his office never would have brought him near the Biology Department."

"Not even close," Raj added. "I wonder what happened? Why was he even there?"

"Penny, you said Leonard 'set his computer to accept the mainframe stuff,'" Sheldon asked. "Just what did he do with his computer? Do you remember?"

Penny tried to remember the tiny detail. "He … ah …" Penny closed her eyes as she tried to prod her memory. "He opened his computer, went through some screens and hit a button on the keyboard."

"That's it? That's not how you run information from the mainframe," Raj added.

"I don't know. That's what he said and that's what he did."

"Curiouser and curiouser," Sheldon said, quoting _Alice in_ _Wonderland_. "Leonard you little dickens, what were you up to? You know, he's not that complicated a fellow. It should be fairly easy to deduce what he was doing."

"OK. What do we know? He was in a part of the building where he didn't need to be and he wasn't running calculations," Raj summarized.

"No," Sheldon corrected. "He obviously wasn't running calculations, so he didn't need to be at the computer lab. He needed to be in the Biology Department. What is in the Biology Department that he could possibly need?"

"Oh my, God!" Howard paled and putting a hand to his forehead, shook his head. "I know what it is."

Everyone spoke at once.

"What? Howard! What is it?"

"Tell us!"

"What was Leonard doing?"

"Penny, you said that after Leonard ran the calculations you were going to get something to eat?"

"Yes. Howard! What is it?"

"This is so sad. Like Sheldon said 'he's not that complicated a fellow'. In Leonard's mind, he had a date with Penny and he was going to the vending machines."

"What vending machines," Penny asked.

"In the Biology Department there are vending machines that sell personal care items. He was probably going to get 'spruced up' for your date."

"Oh my God!" Penny yelled and fell back into her chair. She thought her reservoir of tears had dried up. Not so. The heartbreaking sobs returned as Amy and Bernadette held her tight. "All this! All this! And all he was trying to do was look nice for me?!"

"Maybe so," Howard offered. "I don't know. It's just a guess."

"It's good guess though," Sheldon whispered to Howard.

Raj nodded in agreement.

Penny looked up at Amy and Bernadette. "My heart is breaking! I don't think I can take anymore of this!"

"Shhh. Its all right," Amy soothed.

"That might not be the case," Bernadette added. "Howard's just guessing. That's all. When we get the chance, we'll ask Leonard himself."

Still doubled and crying in the chair, Penny just nodded.

Just then, a man wearing scrubs and an operating room cap entered the room balancing several plastic cups stacked on one another in his hands as well as multiple packages of crackers wrapped in cellophane cradled in his forearms. He was solidly built and tall, a little more that Sheldon's height with light brown that peeked out from under the cap. Horn-rimmed glasses framed his youthful face.

"Is this the family of Leonard Hofstadter?"

"Yes. Well, friends. None of Leonard's family are here," Sheldon corrected.

Still artfully balancing the cups, the man made his way to where the pale and crying friends of Leonard Hofstadter were all clustered. Amy came forward to help relieve him of some of the cups and the crackers. The man pulled one of the end tables towards the middle of the chairs and he and Amy deposited the crackers and drinks there.

"I'm Dr. Gaithers," he said smiling as he extended his arm and shook hands with everyone as introductions were made. "Maureen said there was a group of you here. It's nice to see. Surprisingly, we don't get to see this much. It's usually just one or two family members waiting."

He indicated the scattered pile of juices and crackers on the table. "These are for you. I'd thought we'd just have a little bite to eat as we talk."

From his experience, Dr. Gaithers always found that it was helpful to always have a little food, some protein and carbohydrates, as he delivered bad news. Often friends and family, in their despair, wouldn't eat and end up getting dehydrated, suffering low blood sugars, and fainting. And then there's another patient being admitted to the hospital. The simple gifts of juices and crackers could be life saving.

"Please. Gather around. Let's all get something to eat, some sustenance. I've brought apple and cranberry juice as well as cheese crackers and peanut butter crackers."

Pulling a chair up to the small table, Dr. Gaithers took a seat. Reaching to the table, he took a cranberry juice and a packet of crackers.

"So, all of you are Dr. Hofstadter's friends? No family here?"

Sheldon spoke. "No. His mother and father are accomplished researchers and are currently in different parts of the world. His mother, a neurobiologist and psychiatrist, is currently working with orphaned children in Romania. His father, an anthropologist, is on assignment in South America. I thought I would notify them both when we had a clearer picture of what's happening."

As Sheldon was speaking, Dr. Gaithers watched the group and made sure that every member had taken something, whether it was a cracker or some juice. Satisfied, he spoke.

"Well, as you know, Dr. Hofstadter suffered a routine blast injury. Now when I say routine, I don't mean to minimize any of his injuries. They are quite severe and substantial. When I say routine, what I mean is we haven't encountered anything unusual, nothing we didn't already expect to find going in to his surgery. Let me address the surgical issues first.

A victim in an explosion suffers causes multisystem injuries. The blast front always affects air-filled structures in the body, such as the inner ear, lungs, and gastrointestinal tract. And this is what we have found. His inner ears have ruptured as well as his lung and bowel."

Cries arose from the group.

"Now this is nothing that we can't correct. The ears will usually heal themselves without any intervention but we will certainly monitor this. As for his lung, we have placed a chest tube that is allowing the lung to re-expand. And given time, that should heal. As for the bowel, we are doing a resection, removing the damaged segments. I'm hopeful we can avoid a colostomy. In addition, there are a broken arm and leg. The arm will be set with hardware and should heal nicely. The leg, well let me just say we're trying to save it. It was a compound fracture where the femur exited the skin. There were ruptured veins. It's a severe and dirty wound and very difficult to heal. I've called in a vascular surgeon and we're hopeful, for now, we can restore circulation and avoid amputation. But there will be multiple surgeries on the leg. Those are the surgical issues. Now for the medical ones. There's the underlying asthma and now smoke inhalation over that. In addition, there has been kidney damage. There will be dialysis, as a matter of fact, Dr. Hofstadter is on it as we speak. We put a catheter in his chest to facilitate this. And again, we are hopeful that this is just a temporary intervention."

Dr. Gaithers looked at the stunned group. "Is there anything I can answer?"

"What are Leonard's chances of surviving all this?"

"I can't say. Right now, he's critical, but stable. Anything can happen. But I do know that he is basically a healthy young man with a large group of supportive friends who obviously care for him for very much. Your love and support will go a long, long way."

"How long will he be in the hospital?"

"Months."

"Is the surgery almost over? Can we see Leonard soon?"

"I think we can expect at least another nine hours for this first surgery, so no, we're not even half-way through yet. After he's in the ICU, you can visit for a short while. The nurses will need to get him settled first. I'll be caring for Dr. Hofstadter surgically. I've asked Dr. Chiang to oversee his medical care. And Dr. Chiang is brilliant. One of the finest doctors I've had the pleasure to work with."

Dr. Gaithers stood to leave. He reached into his back pocket and handed out a pile of cards and passed them to the group. "If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me. My hours are all around the clock but I try to get back to everyone within four hours."

A chorus of 'thank you doctor' sounded at his back as he left the room.

Except for the hum of the vending machines and the low volume on the television, the room was quiet. No one spoke, no one cried. They all just stared straight ahead, not making eye contact, sitting or standing in stunned silence, hardly breathing.

Bernadette was the first to move. Going through her pocketbook, she retrieved the pink pearl Rosary Beads she received on her First Holy Communion. A born Catholic, she did not need the mnemic of the beads to tell the rosary. It always brought her comfort just to hold them in her hand. Leaving her friends and moving closer to the windows that opened up to the star filled sky, she sat. She called upon her namesake, Saint Bernadette and the Blessed Virgin Mary asking them to keep Leonard safe. After kissing the Crucifix at the end of the beads, she blessed herself with the sign of the cross and started to softly pray.

Howard was the next to join her. Taking Bernadette's left hand, he sang softly in Hebrew the Mi Sheberah, the traditional Jewish prayer for cure, spiritual healing, blessing and restoration.

Their two voices lifted heavenward.

And then a third voice joined them in prayer. Penny took Bernadette's right hand and joined her in saying the Our Father. Their hands clasped together around the rosary beads.

Amy's was the fourth voice to softly fill the room. Taking Penny by the right hand, she joined Howard, signing in Hebrew, the healing words of their shared religion. Surprised, Howard shared a smile with her as they prayed.

Raj was next, taking Howard's left hand, he chanted in Hindi the Maha Mritunjaya, prayers for health and healing, to the Lord Dhanvantari of Medicine and Health.

Sheldon was last, taking both Raj's left hand and Amy's right. He joined Bernadette and Penny in the shared prayers of their Christian faith.

Their circle complete, their multi-language and multi-faith prayers swirled around the room, bringing solidarity, peace, hope, and healing to their devastated group.


	10. Chapter 10

End's Beginning – Chapter 10

As Sheldon watched his friends form in a spontaneous circle of prayer, he knew it wasn't the time to interrupt and express his views on evolution and Darwinism. Instead, as a way to humor the group and show support, he joined them and spoke the prayers that his devout mother and Sunday school had taught him. As a man of science, he saw religion as a panacea, a primitive, man-made belief system for the weak minded. But joining in prayers to a deity whose existence he doubted really wouldn't hurt anything. In his experience, God was never changed by prayer, but the person who prayed was. And if he was able to assist in helping his friends gain some level of peace in this situation, then he could easily bear the level of discomfort he felt.

But, if prayers did matter, he knew the person to call.

His mother.

If it was prayers that they wanted, with Mary Cooper, then it was prayers that they were going to get.

The praying ended, Sheldon stepped back. "I'm going to call my mother," he announced. His friends nodded solemnly.

Sheldon's words prompted Penny into thought and then to action. Her family, especially her father, really liked Leonard. Despite the hour, they would want to know.

Retrieving her pocketbook from the chair where she had left it, Penny was once again relieved that she didn't take it from her shoulder when she was in Leonard's office. Going through her bag, she removed her phone. She had turned it off earlier, hoping to save some of the low battery.

She turned the phone on and it glowed to life.

The 'Missed Calls' screen displayed first. Scrolling through the list, Penny saw the numerous unanswered calls from both Amy and Bernadette.

Then her heart stopped and restated with a hard thud in her chest. She gasped, the sudden and startling sharp intake of breath alerted everyone in the room and distracted Sheldon from placing his call.

"Oh my, God! I missed a call from Leonard!"

Everyone gathered around her, staring at the pink phone in her hand.

"When is it from?" Sheldon asked.

"9:23 PM."

"You were at the University then?"

Penny paled. "Yes."

"See if he left a message," Howard spoke quickly.

With a trembling fingertip, Penny touched Leonard's smiling photo on the screen.

Leonard's voice arose from the phone. Clear and commanding, there was urgency to his voice.

"_Penny. Something's wrong in here. Get out of the building now."_

There was shocked silence from the group. Bernadette put a hand over her mouth and Amy put one to her chest. The phone trembled in Penny's hand.

But the call didn't end.

In his distraction, Leonard never hit the disconnect button.

His cell phone recorded everything.

Transfixed, the friends gathered tightly around phone in Penny's shaking upraised hand, their faces lit by the glow in the darkened room, straining to hear the recording.

_There were sounds. Just sounds. _

_Someone running … maybe? _

_Then a startling loud slamming noise and wood cracking._

_Arguing voices … someone yelling … something … and someone crying hard, painful sobs._

"Penny! Does that in any way resemble the arguing voices you heard when you and Leonard first entered the building?"

Penny nodded 'yes' just as Amy murmured. "Sheldon! Be quiet!"

_And then two voices, neither one Leonard. _

_A crying voice._ _"… I told you I didn't know how to use it … and it's burnt my hand … badly …"_

_A hissing voice._ "…_ you are such a useless piece of shit … wasted my time releasing the lab animals … they're here! …"_

_Leonard voice now, speaking with false cheer._ "_Hey, Thomas. Nice to see you again. It's been a long time."_

"Thomas! Who is Thomas?" Sheldon interrupted.

"Shush! Sheldon! Not now!" Howard barked.

"_Two years."_

"_Two years? Really? That long?"_

" … _you burnt your hand … why don't we go and get that checked out?"_

"_Nope … we got something to do …"_

"_With that carton of acetone peroxide you have in there?"_

At Leonard's recorded words, all the scientists in the group gasped and reacted strongly, with looks of alarm on each of their faces.

"Oh my, God!" Bernadette breathed.

"So that's what did all the damage," Howard said softly.

"What's acetone peroxide?" Penny asked.

"I'll fill you in later," Amy offered.

" … _you recognized it …"_

"_Hard to miss with that bleach odor."_

" … _going to try to stop us?" _

" …_from doing what, exactly?"_

"_Blowing this place up."_

"Leonard probably interrupted them from their work," Raj commented.

"Shhh," Howard interjected, listening close to the phone.

" … _never be anyone's first choice, but I can try."_

"_Try as hard as you can, little man."_

_Then just sounds, like a large pop and running again. _

"_You son-of-a-bitch! You're not going to stop us!"_

_Just noises again, followed by a solid thud and a painful scream. _

_Leonard's voice again, clear and strong._ "_Get out! Get out! Get out! Hurry!"_

_And then, Leonard yelling,_ _"PENNY! GET OUT OF THE BUILDING NOW! HURRY!"_

_The fire alarm blared over the phone. _

_Seconds later, the roar of an explosion._

_Then quiet. _

The call disconnected.

The grim recording ended. There was stunned silence from the group as the horror of those final minutes was revealed to them. The phone was shaking badly in Penny's hand and it slipped out of her grasp. Raj caught it midway on its flight to floor. The recorded voice on the phone was issuing choices regarding the status of the call and, pressing the number one, Raj saved the message.

"Oh my, God!" Bernadette was the first to speak. "We have to get this message to the police."

"If we hurry, the detective Penny spoke to might still be in the Emergency Room," Amy suggested. "Penny, do you want to come? Maybe point him out?"

Penny had once again crumpled into a chair and had her hands covering her mouth, rocking slightly as she cried, giving no indication that she had even heard her friend.

Amy looked at her distraught friend. "Never mind. I'll go and try to find someone. I'll be right back."

"Thank you, Amy," Bernadette called after her. "I'll stay here with Penny," she said as she took the seat beside her and once again covered her back with her body, rubbed her arms, and whispered comforting words.

"Leonard recognized one of the people and called him 'Thomas'," Howard said.

"And 'Thomas' said he'd been away for two years," Raj added. "Sheldon, can you think of a 'Thomas' that left the University two years ago?"

Sheldon searched his eidetic memory. He shook his head. "No. I don't seem to recall anyone."

"Me either," Howard agreed.

"I can't remember anyone," Raj added.

As they were talking, another large group of distressed friends and family members were being shown into the waiting room. No words were exchanged, but the two groups made eye contact and nodded at each other, acknowledging the common thread that bound both groups in the waiting room this night, their shared concern and worry for their hospitalized loved ones.

Supported by family members, a sobbing woman was escorted to a seat by the windows. Her family clustered around her, they spoke calming words to her in Spanish.

"That must be the family of the second victim," Howard noted.

"Why do you say that?" Bernadette wanted to know.

"Some of them are wearing the uniforms of the University cleaning crew," he said as he watched one of the women leave the group and started to walk towards them, her eyes fixed on Penny.

"Thank goodness you are safe! When you ran away from us in the parking lot, I was so worried."

Penny opened her eyes at the vaguely familiar voice, accented with Spanish. She looked up.

"Beatriz!" Penny said, surprised, as she stood up and pulled the woman into a hug. She turned to her friends. "Everyone, this is Beatriz! She's the one who found me and pulled me out of the building."

Everyone spoke at once and, one by one, gave their thanks to the woman. Bernadette jumped up and hugged her too.

"I heard the police say there was a second person injured," Penny stated. "Are you here for him?"

"Yes. Just after you left us, we found Gabriel laying in parking lot. It's my friend Anna's son," Beatriz pointed to the crying woman by the window. "He's a security guard at the University."

"Oh no! We all know Gabriel," Howard said.

"He's a very nice young man," Sheldon added.

"What happened," Raj asked. "He wasn't in the explosion, was he?"

"No we found him away from the building, in the parking lot. It looked like he had been hit in the head with something. There was blood everywhere. He was talking but didn't know what had happened. When he got to the emergency room, he had a seizure. They said he had a skull fracture and that pressure was building up. They took him to the operating room to relieve the pressure."

"Oh no! That's terrible. I will keep him in my prayers," Bernadette said.

"Thank you," Beatriz smiled kindly at the petite blonde. She spoke to Penny. "Are you here for Leonard? I saw the two of you walking to his office before …," Beatriz searched for the right word, "… everything."

Penny was surprised. "You know Leonard?"

"Oh yes! We were talking one day and he told me about the University's Outreach Program. He helped me to get my daughter Julia enrolled. She now goes there two days a week to study Astronomy. She loves it."

"Oh, that's wonderful!" Penny said.

"Good for her!" Bernadette added.

"Have you heard anything about Leonard yet? Martin," Beatriz pointed to the group of people standing by the windows, "said he saw him being carried out and the paramedics working on him. He said it looked very bad."

Sheldon cleared his throat before he spoke. "The surgeon did come and speak with us. It seems Leonard was in the area of the explosion and suffered some grievous blast injuries as well as smoke inhalation. Recovery, it seems, will take months. However, the doctor did say 'critical but stable'. One can only hope that there is real significance and meaning to that phrase and just not a generic platitude meant to placate."

"I know. I was there. The fire was in the hallway and he yelled at me to leave just before the explosion. He already had the fire extinguisher out. That's when I ran and tried to find you," Beatriz said as she looked at Penny, "I knew you were alone."

"We heard him yelling on the phone 'get out, get out, hurry'", Howard added. "So he was talking to you! I was wondering who it was."

"Did you hear anything about the other guy yet? He seems to have disappeared."

There was stunned silence from the group. "What other guy?" Sheldon asked.

"The one Leonard was fighting with."

"Wait! What!?" Penny yelled.

"Leonard was fighting with someone!?" Raj and Bernadette said in unison, sharing their disbelief.

"Leonard. Fighting with someone." Sheldon spoke slowly for clarification.

"Yes. A tall skinny man. He looked like Abraham Lincoln. Leonard hit him in the side of face with the fire extinguisher. He fell to the floor screaming."

"What!" Penny yelled.

"You're kidding!" Bernadette added.

"That is so badass!" Raj sounded pleased.

"Oh my, God!" Howard yelled. "Nutty Abe! It's Nutty Abe!"

Raj and Sheldon shared stunned looks.

"Who's Nutty Abe?" Penny wanted to know.

"Nutty Abe! Oh my, God!" Raj looked at Beatriz. "Did you have the chance to tell the police this?"

"Yes. I described him although I didn't know his name."

"That's just what we called him. We don't know his name either. But Leonard called him 'Thomas' on the recording," Raj clarified.

"Sheldon! Does that help? Do you remember Nutty Abe's name? Thomas …?" Howard prompted.

"No. Unfortunately I only knew him by the moniker you so aptly gave him. Beatriz, not counting Leonard's, there were two voices on the recorded conversation. You only saw one other person with Leonard. Not two?"

"No there was just one."

"Nutty Abe may be more disturbed than we thought," Raj added. "And if I remember correctly, he had a fondness for attacking people with a hammer. Maybe that's what Gabriel was hit with."

"He was chasing Leonard with one. I saw it."

"Oh my, God!" Penny cried as she fell back into the chair and putting her face in her hands.

"On another worrying note, on the recording Leonard said 'acetone peroxide'. If you know the chemistry, anyone can make it in their home," Howard added for Penny and Beatriz. "And if Nutty Abe made a batch of that up, there might be more in his home or garage. It's very unstable. And if there is enough of it, it could level a city block."

"Very good, Howard! That's an apt observation," Sheldon said with a surprised tone in his voice.

Bernadette scanned the entrance. "I hope Amy comes back soon! We need the police here!"

As if on cue, Amy turned the corner accompanied by Detective Emilio Guzman. Amy made the introductions.

A short, middle-aged man with curling salt and pepper hair and a tough, no nonsense attitude, Detective Guzman listened to the recorded phone call. He then made a quick call to his liaison at the Department with instructions to contact the University to get information on a 'Thomas' that was dismissed from the University about two years ago, stressing the need for urgency due to the concerns raised about acetone peroxide.

After getting Penny's consent, Detective Guzman kept the phone as evidence in a criminal investigation and gave Penny a receipt for her personal property. He took statements from everyone regarding their past association with Nutty Abe. The phone call, the details and insights the group provided made a clearer picture of the events at the University.

Thanking everyone for their cooperation, and reminding them to contact him if they should remember anything that would assist them with the investigation, the detective ended by saying he would be keeping Dr. Hofstadter in his prayers. After making visit to Gabriel's family and speaking to them in Spanish, the detective quickly and quietly exited.

Howard couldn't resist. He asked the group happily, "Is it just me or did we just have a Scooby-Doo moment?"

Raj laughed softly and nodded. "Yes. It was very Scooby-Doo."

Penny wasn't amused. "No. We didn't."

Bernadette and Amy glanced at one another smiling. "It felt very Scooby-Doo."

"I agree," Amy added, a smile in her voice.

"You know, Nutty Abe could easily be any of the crazed Scooby-Doo villains. Miner-Forty Niner or the Evil Puppeteer for example," Sheldon helpfully added.

"We put our heads together and solved the mystery!" Howard was practically dancing.

"Pathetic. All of you. Pathetic."

…..

The long, slow night ground on.

There was a small break in the monotony while Penny, Bernadette and Amy were filled in on the back-story of Nutty Abe. And the discussion of what group costumes to wear to Stuart's New Year's Eve Party at the comic book store provided a distraction. Everyone, except Penny, thought going as the Scooby-Doo gang was a slam-dunk. When Penny said she would absolutely, positively, no-way-on-this-Earth would she be Daphne and she wouldn't even consider going, Raj happily offered. Sheldon had reservations but was out-voted by everyone else. Penny abstained from the balloting. Aside from Raj being Daphne, it was decided that as Leonard would likely be in a wheelchair, he could be either Scrappy-Doo or The Evil Lighthouse Keeper. His choice.

The mindless distraction ended and their conversation trailed off into silence, each one of them pulled deeply into their own world of haunted thought. The television was droning on about the explosion and Penny begged them to turn it off. Amy complied, and switched the station to a music channel.

Sheldon twisted and fidgeted in his chair as he listened to the soft music.

Amy, sitting beside him, looked at him. "Sheldon, are you all right?"

"Fine. Thank you," he said twitching, as he met her eyes.

A lie.

He was far from fine, thank you.

Unraveling the mysteries of the universe was child's play when compared to personal reflection. That was far more difficult.

And painful.

He planned to spend the night wrestling with theory, trying to show that gravity can be expressed by quantum mechanics.

But this night, this unholy night, had sent him hurtling in an unexpected and completely unwanted direction of reflection.

When had it started?

He felt a hot spike, of something, in his chest when Leonard told them about the grant he received. Howard subsequently accused him of being jealous. Was that spike jealousy? Is that how it felt? Whatever it was, the spike grew hotter and blossomed, consuming his every thought through the rest of the evening. It made him argue with Leonard and made him point out all of his roommate's failings. When Leonard left the apartment furious, the hot spike cooled. He felt better.

And now.

There was no hot spike but he felt … what?

He felt … pulled down.

That was it.

Pulled down.

What was that? What was the pulled down feeling?

Was that guilt? Did he feel guilty?

Amy told him he was guilty of being jealous and failing to support a friend. But nothing else. She said he wasn't responsible. Leonard had made his own decisions.

But it doesn't feel that way. It doesn't feel that way!

When will it not feel that way?

And there was what Bernadette had said. Leonard had given him friendship.

Was that better than a Nobel Prize?

Sheldon remembered when Leonard first brought Howard and Raj into his life. And how had he reacted? When Leonard told him he brought the sofa because there was no room for company, he barked back it was by design. Then Leonard pulled Penny into their group. His response was he didn't want to invite her to dinner. Penny then brought Bernadette in and Howard and Raj added Amy to their number.

He tried to make friends on his own. Sebastian, his roommate before Leonard, painted 'Die Sheldon Die' on the bedroom wall. Then there was his attempt with Kripke, Stuart, and Zack. That didn't work out so well either.

If he won a Nobel Prize, he face would thicken textbooks and encyclopedias. His name would be the correct answer on some eighth grade science test. But his work would be expanded upon and changed as new discoveries were made.

That's the way it was meant to be. He would be just one of a thousand names in a dusty, forgotten book.

Music from the television played softly behind him.

" … _until you've seen … this trash can dream come true … you stand at the edge … while people run you through … "_

Steadfast in her devotion, Amy sat by his side. Sheldon reached over and took one of her soft hand in his. Amy gasped and looked down at Sheldon's hand encircling her smaller one. She looked up at him surprised.

"_and I thank the Lord … there's people out there like you …"_

He squeezed her hand lightly.

"… _I thank the Lord there's people out there like you …"_

He glanced around the room. Raj was back at the windows looking at the stars, Howard and Bernadette held one another tightly, and Penny lost in her own pain, sat staring at the floor.

And Leonard.

Leonard lay somewhere close by, dying because of him, as a team of surgeons tried to save his life.

His friends.

All of them. His beloved friends.

" … _and I thank the Lord ... for the people I have found … I thank the Lord for the people I have found …"_

…..

_A/N – Everything used without permission, The Big Bang Theory characters and, in this chapter, the lyrics to Mona Lisa and Mad Hatters. Just having fun with both of them for a bit. And as always, thank you for reading this far and I hope you are enjoying the story. Please consider sending anything my way: comments, reviews, constructive criticisms as they all will be happily and gratefully accepted. _


	11. Chapter 11

End's Beginning – Chapter 11

_Contains surgically graphic sections, may not be for the squeamish._

…_.._

As he lay on the operating room table, Leonard looked like a medical school cadaver dissected for an anatomy lesson.

His entire abdomen, split open in a 'y' incision, was held apart by retractors; his intestines lay on a sterile barrier on a stainless steel table positioned across his thighs. Multiple sets of busy hands were deep within his abdominal cavity, gently probing, trying to stem the internal bleeding and repair the ruptured bowel. A second team, focusing on vascular repair of the right leg to restore circulation, cut into Leonard's left leg and harvested healthy veins. The orthopedic team was in wait. If the vascular group were able to restore circulation to the right leg and thus avoid amputation, then they would be needed to reduce the femur fracture. Even though space was limited around Leonard's prone body, the orthopedic team had managed to stabilize the three fractures in Leonard's right arm by the use of hardware: surgical nails, screws, and plates. The right arm was now set in a fiberglass cast.

Hemorrhaging from a deep liver laceration, Leonard's abdomen had been filled with blood. Now that it was repaired with cauterization and surgical foam, the life threatening internal bleeding had been stopped. The abdomen was clear, the free blood and the floating bowel contents drained away, Dr. Gaithers and his team set about the repair the ruptured intestines.

Dr. Gaithers addressed the lead the vascular surgeon.

"Katherine, how goes the vascularization?"

Sitting by Leonard's right leg and wearing her high-resolution Loupes magnifying glasses, Dr. Katherine Merchant never took her eyes off her task.

"Coming along," she said as the delicate sewing instruments danced in her practiced hands. "The artery is done. We've identified the nerves and have gotten them anastomosed and we're working on patching the veins together. It's a little like sewing the ends of cooked spaghetti, but we're getting there. We should be ready for the venogram in about an hour, more or less."

"Good. Glad to hear that."

The lead medical doctor was in attendance. Monitoring the critical balance between the necessary life-supporting fluids versus the pull of the dialysis to prevent fluid overload due to the kidney failure, Dr. Chiang entered orders for the CRRT and the dialysis nurse. Satisfied that her patient was currently hemodynamically stable, Dr. Chiang spoke to Dr. Gaithers.

"John, you said that Dr. Hofstadter had family in the waiting room?"

Dr. Gaithers glanced up from his work. "Yeah. There is a group of them. When I last looked, they were still there."

"Good. I'll go and introduce myself."

…..

Marveling in the fact that Sheldon was actually holding her hand and stunned by the uncharacteristic move, it took a minute for Amy to find her voice. She glanced down at her hand once again to make sure she wasn't dreaming before speaking.

"Sheldon. Are you all right?" She asked softly.

Sheldon turned to her. Eyes wide, his mouth turned down in a thin line and his chin was trembling, he looked like he was about to cry.

"Sheldon?"

"I … ah, I … never called my mother."

"OK, well it's 2AM here, that makes it 4AM in Texas. Is that too early? It won't startle her?"

"She won't mind."

"Well that's fine then." Still holding hands, Amy stood and pulled Sheldon after her. "Let's find a quiet spot where you can talk to her."

Hidden behind the vending machines was a 'Family Consultation Room.' The small room was decorated with the same utilitarian chairs in the waiting area as well as a round table and some plastic plants. Amy pulled Sheldon into the room and closed the door.

Sheldon instinctively moved a to a corner and faced the wall. He dialed the number and Mary Cooper picked up on the second ring.

"Mom …" Sheldon's voice was low and trembling.

Instantly awake, Mary could tell by that one syllable something was horribly wrong.

"Shelly bean! What's wrong, lamb chop?"

"Mom … " Sheldon pressed his forehead to the wall. "Mom," he started to cry. "Leonard's hurt and it's all my fault. I started a fight with him and he left the apartment angry. He might be dying and his last words to me were 'retract your claws'."

"Oh, sweetie! Now you just tell me all about it. I'm sure we can make it right."

…..

The long night in the waiting room dragged on. Bleary with tiredness and worry, all the members of Team Leonard sat slumped in chairs.

Sheldon had long ago ended the call to his mother. Like Amy, she stressed to him that Leonard being injured was in no way his fault. He had been envious and mean but Leonard is a grown man and had made his own decisions. But, when he had the chance, he'd have to apologize to Leonard for being horribly jealous and very unkind.

He'd also have to tell Leonard that the devil took temporary hold of his soul.

And that he made Jesus weep.

Late night calls had been made to everyone's family and now prayers and well wishes for Leonard were being said everywhere between California and New Delhi.

Everywhere, that is, except for New Jersey.

Sheldon insisted that he would not deliver partial news, half-truths, and supposition to Leonard's family. He intended to wait for the outcome of the surgery and the doctor's prognosis.

Nobody argued with him. Penny wondered how much Beverly would actually care. Howard was thinking the same thing but he gave voice to the thought and said it out loud, earning him a punch in the arm and an admonishment from Bernadette.

There was a flurry of activity around 3AM when the two waiting families suddenly became aware of a group of doctors walking quickly into the waiting room. There was a sudden change in the atmosphere from anxious lethargy to charged apprehension as both families watched the doctors enter. Her anxiety palpable and heart pounding in her chest, Penny quickly stood to face whatever news she was going to be given.

But the doctors asked for the family of Gabriel Alvarez, and wordlessly, Penny pointed to the family gathered by the windows.

It was a large room but in the quiet of the night, it was hard not to overhear the good news the doctors were telling the crying family. 'Critical but stable', 'intracranial pressure relieved', 'neurologically intact' were the words that floated across the room. The overjoyed family was told that they could visit Gabriel briefly and they started to collect their possessions. Beatriz came over to Penny for a final hug. Well wishes between the families were exchanged and with that, the Alvarez family and all the doctors left.

Except for one.

A petite Asian doctor, about Bernadette's height, with a warm smile and pleasant demeanor, extended her hand.

"Well we had two families in here and the Alvarez family just left so by process of elimination, that must mean you are all here for Dr. Hofstadter."

"Yes, that's right," Howard said, coming forward.

Everyone circled around and in turn, shook her hand.

"My name is Dr. Elizabeth Chiang. I'll be responsible for all of Dr. Hofstadter's medical care."

"It's very nice to meet you," Sheldon said. "Please have a seat."

"I know it's been a very long night for you but I'd like to tell you what you can expect medically and maybe answer any questions you may have."

…..

There was a tense quiet in the operating room.

Leonard's rapid heartbeat, converted into an electronic beep by the heart monitor, was the loudest sound in the room. The soft whoosh of the ventilator and the tiny whirling sound of the dialysis machine were even louder than the whispered conversations.

Catheters had been placed in Leonard's iliac vein and femoral artery. Dr. Merchant was slowly injecting IV dye.

All eyes were on the x-ray monitor. If the dye flowed through Leonard's arteries and veins, circulation was re-established and the right leg would be saved. If not, the leg would be amputated at the thigh.

Radiographic tendrils began to glow down the length of the Leonard's leg on the screen.

A burst of celebratory cheer and clapping came from the exhausted surgeons and nurses as the venogram revealed adequate circulation and the right leg amputation could be avoided.

For now.

"Excellent work, Katherine! Looks like there is good flow, no seepage of the IV dye to indicate any leakage."

Dr. Merchant smiled. "Thank you, that's what I do."

Circulation reestablished and amputation avoided, the orthopedic team went to set about to reduce and stabilize the femur fracture.

Even though they had already scrubbed and decontaminated the denuded husk of bone exiting Leonard's thigh, but that had been hours ago. Removing the sterile dressings, the orthopedic team set about disinfecting the area once again.

The blood pressure cuff deflated and the anesthesiologist glanced at the numbers and transcribed them onto the operative record. He looked at the heart monitor and noted Leonard's heart rate and rhythm. He was concerned.

"John," he spoke to Dr. Gaithers. "I'm not liking this. His blood pressure has been trending down and his heart rate is up. We're suddenly having runs of heart palpitations on the monitor."

Dr. Gaithers called to the circulating nurse. "Ben, how is the urine output?"

The nurse looked at the catheter bag hanging on the side of the operating room table by Leonard's feet.

"75ml so far this hour."

"OK, that's all right," Dr. Gaithers said as he rechecked Leonard's abdomen. "There's no free blood here. The cauterization and foam in the liver are holding nicely. Let's get some lab work done, hemoglobin and electrolytes. Might need another unit of blood. Or maybe there is a chemical imbalance from the dialysis."

The anesthesiologist drew the blood samples from the IV line placed in Leonard's neck.

"OK ladies and gentlemen, were nearing the end, let's get this bowel resected and the femur taken care of. We've stressed our patient enough and we may be losing medical stability."

The orthopedic team started to reduce the femur fracture. Strong hands grabbed Leonard's thigh above and below the fracture.

And both pulled. Hard.

The smashed bone pieces had been misaligned, resting on top of one another. With pulling, the fragments slowly slid off and past one another. Despite being anesthetized, Leonard's muscles seized and tightened. Like a jagged puzzle piece, the bone would only correctly fit one way. Pulling hard and keeping the bone ends separate, the surgeons struggled to align the bone.

…..

Inexplicably, Leonard found himself floating in a dark pond, far below the surface in dense, brackish water. Having the sulfur taste of a bad egg and smelling like burning hair, the gritty water was uncomfortably hot, burning his skin.

"I must have fallen in deep," he reasoned.

Even though his thoughts were disordered, he had an overwhelming sense of loss. There was something he had lost.

Penny.

He lost Penny. He had to get to Penny.

Looking up, he saw a small circle of dim light. Sparse and leaden, the light couldn't penetrate the thick water. But he could tell that there were voices at the light and he could see the silhouettes of people as they looked down and called to him.

Extending his arms forward and bringing them down to his sides while kicking his legs, he tried frantically to propel himself up through the thick water, towards the light, friends, and life. But wrapped in the paralysis of an anesthetized sleep, his dream movements were frustratingly heavy and slow. Heart laboring in his chest and hurting everywhere, he made little forward progress. Now exhausted, Leonard hung suspended in the turbid water.

The wavering light floating on the surface was still out of reach, mocking his feeble effort.

In the implausibility of dreams, he found he could speak underwater.

"Penny!" He screamed to the light. "Penny! Anybody! I'm here!"

And in response, there was a sound.

A distant thumping sound came from below him accompanied by a blast of cold water that circled around his feet. Startled, Leonard looked down. He saw nothing, just his legs as they swayed in the murk.

But he icy cold swirled higher around his body and was now mid-thigh. The thumping noise pulsed quicker from the depths and was getting closer.

Straining to see through the thick grey, Leonard caught a flash of movement. Something was below him and, moving effortlessly, was coming towards him.

Fast.

Leonard gasped.

He redoubled his efforts to get back into the warmth and swim towards the light. But his movements were slow and clumsy.

The thumping was closer, the rapid beat had overtaken him. The frigid water was higher now. Coiled around his chest, it stabbed at him and stole his breath. Lightheaded, dizzy, and chilled to the core, Leonard felt like he was going to faint.

Then he saw it coming from the freezing water, reaching for him. Thin and pale with dark, flat, angry eyes and luminescent skin, it grabbed at him.

Leonard cried out and tried to kick and swim away, but a skeletal hand grabbed his right leg.

Searing white, hot pain shot through his body as the bones in his leg suddenly ground together, were pulled, then separated.

Leonard screamed.

Helpless, he was dragged down backwards into the depths.

He cast a final look to the glow of the light, now just a fading pinpoint, as he tumbled down and away.

…..

Anesthesiologist noticed it first. The large, livid blistered hives popping up and moved rapidly across Leonard's neck and chest from right to left.

The monitors screamed an alarm.

"He crashed! No heart rate, no pulse! Code Blue!"

The circulating nurse slapped the Code Blue button on the wall. Now activated, the system sent emergency messages to the beepers of all the members of the response team, both medical and surgical.

…..

Penny was desperately trying to follow what Dr. Chiang was saying. To her credit, she was an excellent teacher and was using layman's terms, but everything the doctor was saying was flying right over her head: dialysis, paralyzing drugs and being on a ventilator, the collapsed lung, problems with circulation and wound infections.

She long ago gave up the pretense of understanding. Thankfully, Sheldon was here and he would remember everything. And Amy and Bernadette could explain it to her later at even a baser level than Dr. Chiang was doing right now.

The first sign they had that something was wrong was that Dr. Chiang's beeper trilled.

"Excuse me," she said as she removed the device from her lab coat pocket. Her face paled but she remained stoic as she read the display. "If you will forgive me, there is something I must attend to. I will be back to speak with you more," she stood and exited the room quickly.

Howard looked confused at her abrupt departure and said, 'I wonder what that was about' just as they got the second sign. The overhead call system blared 'Code Blue operating room. Code Blue operating room.'

…..

_A/N - Not entirely medically or surgically accurate, I used artistic license for, hopefully, dramatic effect. And I didn't mean to end the story at this point but this chapter was getting close to 20 pages and 4000 words. All the work after this point was still very early and muddled. I just wanted to get something out there while I try to better the rest. I'd like to thank you all for your wonderful reviews and continuing to follow this story. I hope you are still enjoying it. If there are any questions I can answer, please let me know! My cyber-door is always open! And as always, your reviews, comments, critique, and criticisms will always be gratefully accepted! Karen, 5Mississippis _


	12. Chapter 12

End's Beginning – Chapter 12

"Maintain the sterile field! Maintain the sterile field!"

At this, a sterile drape was thrown over the gaping wounds of Leonard's abdomen and leg as the crash cart was removed from the wall and pulled to over to the operating table. Ben, the circulating nurse, bent over Leonard's body and intertwining his fingers, started to do compressions on Leonard's chest with the heel of his hand.

Dr. Chiang, not wanting to waste valuable time scrubbing and gowning, addressed the situation from behind the glass of the operating room antechamber. She pressed the intercom button and addressed the room.

"This is Dr. Chiang. I'm the Code Leader." She then turned her attention to the anesthesiologist. "Elliott. Talk to me. What happened."

The anesthesiologist spoke to Drs. Gaithers and Chiang as he quickly went through the crash cart medicine drawers. "It's anaphylaxis, an allergic reaction to the IV dye. We started getting changes in vital signs and heart rhythm just after it was given."

"Look at the hives on his chest and the swelling on his face. And now we have audible wheezing."

Dr. Chiang's voice sounded over the intercom. "I see it. Need IV epinephrine now and antihistamines, IV Benadryl. We'll need to give an albuterol nebulizer treatment as well. Stop compressions so we can check the rhythm."

The compressions were stopped on Leonard's chest. The circulating nurse used the interruption to wipe the sweat from his brow with his forearm.

"Rhythm is PEA. Pulseless electrical activity."

"Resume compressions." The muscular nurse repositioned his hands and counting out loud, restarted pressing deeply on Leonard's sternum.

Leonard's body jerked from the recoil after every hard depression.

"BP is 30 palpable. 93% oxygen saturation on 100% endotracheal tube."

"Let's get those meds in. He'll bounce back once we treat the anaphylaxis. Elliott, have we drawn any labs lately?"

"Compressions are at a rate of 100 per minute and are effective. With each depression, I can feel the rebound in his carotid artery."

The anesthesiologist spoke as he injected the meds into the central line in Leonard's neck. "Blood count and electrolytes were sent just after the IV dye was given and we started to see vital sign and rhythm changes. Epinephrine in. Starting the Benadryl."

"Good. I'll check those later. Let's get blood gases too. Open the fluids wide. I can balance the fluid overload with the pull of the dialysis later. Elliott, get ready with a second dose of epinephrine, it may be needed. And steroids. Give 500mg IV prednisone."

"BP 49/26, 95% oxygen saturation on 100% ET tube. Pulse by chest compressions at 96."

Suddenly, the electric sound of Leonard's sluggish but rapid heartbeat filled the room.

"Stop compressions."

"There we go. Heart rate back and music to my ears," the smile in Dr. Chiang's voice could be heard. "Vitals?"

"BP 64/40, heart rate 146 sinus tach, 96% oxygen saturation on 100% ET tube."

"Good. John, I'll go and speak to Dr. Hofstadter's family about this if that's OK with you. Then I'll scrub up and readjust the dialysis orders."

"Yes. Thank you, Elizabeth. That would be very much appreciated. And please tell them I'll be by later."

"Will do. And can we label Dr. Hofstadter's chart with an IV dye and iodine allergy sticker and make sure we give him an allergy bracelet to wear."

Restrained to the arm board on the operating room table, the anesthesiologist lifted Leonard's lax left arm slightly, showing Dr. Chiang a bright red plastic bracelet that encircled his wrist. "Already done."

"Thank you everyone," Dr. Chiang said as she left the antechamber.

"OK," Dr. Gaithers said as he addressed his team. "Now let's focus and get this bowel resected and the femur reduced. We're stressing our patient enough."

…..

As Dr. Chiang made her way back to the waiting room, she heard the yelling from around the corner.

"No! Let go of me! Leonard's dying! I have to see him!"

"Penny! Stop! You don't know that!"

"Let me go! I have to tell him … I never told him …"

Making the turn into the room, Dr. Chiang saw the commotion. It was one of Dr. Hofstadter's family members. The young woman in the work uniform was hysterical. Her face was reddened as she cried and struggled frantically, trying to pull out of the embrace of her friends.

"Let me go! I have to see him!"

Dr. Chiang quickly approached the group, her hands upraised and her palms forward, in what she hoped would be interpreted as a calming gesture.

The distressed young woman saw her first as she neared the group. She screamed. "Don't give me bad news! Please! I don't want bad news!"

"Shhh! Shhh! It's all right! He's fine! Everything's fine! But you're going to have to calm down!"

The small man with the bowl-cut hairstyle spoke quickly. "We heard a Code Blue called. We weren't sure if it was Leonard. Was it Leonard?"

"Yes. It was."

At this, the young woman cried out and her two female friends held her tightly in a hug.

"But, let me finish. It's been take care of. It was an allergic reaction to IV dye and we treated it. Dr. Gaithers is continuing on with the surgery and Dr. Hofstadter had returned to his baseline stability, such as it is."

There was a small collective sigh from the group.

Her hands still up in a placating gesture, Dr. Chiang continued. "I know it's been a very long and very stressful night. I know it. And it's not going to be ending any time soon. But you can't be screaming. Everyone just sit down, take a nice deep calming breath, and I'll tell you everything that happened."

…..

Dr. Chiang sat down and spoke to them at length about the allergic reaction and the successful initial treatment and the preventative measures, the steroids and the Benadryl, to suppress any possible flare. And because Dr. Hofstadter's friends were so distressed, she decided to share some of the good news. Once again stressing that she was not a surgeon and that Dr. Gaithers would be better to address those concerns, she told them that the rebuilding of the veins and artery in the right leg looked good and that, for the moment, the leg was saved and did not need to amputated.

With this bit of information, there was a communal sigh of relief and the two blonde women hugged one another and wept.

"If you will excuse me, I will be back with something for you," Dr. Chiang said as she pointed directly at Penny.

Dr. Chiang returned shortly with a pair of scrubs, towels, a washcloth, and a plastic 'Patient Belongings' bag.

"Now you are going to shower. You're covered in soot and smell like smoke. Your dirty clothes go into here," Dr. Chiang jiggled the 'Patient Belongings' bag for emphasis, "and put on the clean scrubs. The showers are in the Women's Locker Room and I'll show you the way. And there are plenty of shampoos and body washes to choose from. Everyone has brought their own and it looks like an aisle in a drug store."

…..

Amy and Bernadette accompanied Penny and Dr. Chiang led the three of them to the Women's Locker Room. Just across from the operating room, Penny stopped at looked for a long moment at the closed doors and the sign that read 'Authorized Personnel Only'. She couldn't even begin to imagine what was happening to Leonard behind those doors.

They entered into a utilitarian room and Dr. Chiang flipped a switch and the fluorescent light flickered to life. Lockers lined the walls and benches were staggered throughout. A few tables were scattered here and there, decorated with canisters of bleach wipes and outdated magazines. Most surprisingly were the shoes, operating room clogs, that were lined up neatly in pairs in front of each locker. It was immediately apparent why the staff didn't wear their shoes home. Although clean and disinfected, the white shoes were heavily stained by blood splatters.

"Showers are that way," Dr. Chiang said as she pointed to a door on the far wall. "If anyone comes in and questions why you're here, tell them to beep me."

"Thank you. Will do." Amy and Bernadette said simultaneously. Penny just nodded her thanks.

Amy and Bernadette made their way to one of the tables and started to rifle through the magazines.

"Take your time Penny," Amy said, holding up two tabloids. "Bernadette and I will compare notes on People Magazine Sexiest Man Alive 1999 Richard Gere or 2008 Hugh Jackman." She looked appreciatively at the glossy photos. "Good onya, People Magazine!" She turned to Bernadette. "Guess which bloke I think is a corker!"

…..

Penny crossed the room, heading towards the shower stalls. There were a row of sinks and as she passed, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. The last time she saw her reflection was just after she got the call to come into work as she was applying her make-up. The woman who looked back her was unrecognizable. The barrette had slipped down her hair and her once neat ponytail was in disarray. Stressed dry blonde hair flew this way and that, giving the appearance of a tumbleweed. Black soot circled her face, clinging to the hairline. Her face was red from crying and rounded from the puffiness. The beautiful green eyes had lost their almond shape, now just mere slits due to the swelling.

And she couldn't care less.

Penny pulled the curtain closed behind her after she entered the stall. In the little antechamber, she opened the 'Patient Belongings' bag and, after placing it on a small bench, began to undress.

The water was warm and welcoming. Dr. Chiang was right about the body washes, shampoos, and conditioners. Lined along the floor at the base of the shower were a variety of cleansers, from expensive department store to bottom shelf drug store. The staff had labeled their own bottles, writing their name on a strip of tape with a Sharpie and then affixing the tape to the bottle. Grabbing the first body wash she saw, Penny began to bathe, trying to wash away the filth and pain of this night. The comforting water cascaded around her body and Penny found that she was able to concentrate and float away from this unholy night. She thought back. When did it change for her? When did her feelings towards Leonard start to change?

She had always had her share of male attention and the day she moved in, the instant she had turned away from her unpacking and saw Leonard standing in the hallway, she knew the look on his face. True to his nature, he had been gentle and hesitant to approach, but his feelings and desires were always clear. And when he did make an overture, there was always a sweet awkwardness to it, like nothing she had experienced before.

But when did her friendship change to _want_?

It was around the time that Leonard was going to the North Pole. She remembered Leonard at her door, his face displaying a mixture of longing and hopelessness. And in that endless moment, she knew. She wanted him.

And when did want become _need_?

The answer came instantly. It was after she had broken up with him in the bowling alley. It surprised her too, as it had just snuck up on her. And stupidly, she hadn't realized it until afterwards – she needed Leonard. But she had been afraid, prideful, and foolish.

She survived Leonard's dalliance with Dr. Plimpton and had outlasted Priya.

Leonard's love and devotion for her had been made abundantly clear to her once again this night.

And now she was in danger of losing it all.


	13. Chapter 13

End's Beginning – Chapter 13

After Penny returned from her shower, everyone took their usual places and just sat, a quiet lassitude overcoming them all. Howard was the most animated of the group. Respecting Penny's earlier request not to have the news on the television, Howard kept checking his phone frequently for information bulletins, both through broadcasts and University updates. Nothing additional seemed to be reported, just the same rehash of what they already knew.

In his attempt to get information, over the next few hours, Howard not only drained the battery on his phone but Bernadette's and Raj's as well. Penny's had been taken by the detective hours ago. The only working cell phones in their group were Sheldon's and Amy's. No way he was going to ask them if he could borrow one. And, quite likely, they'd refuse him anyway. Desperately wanting to follow the news but unable to, Howard fidgeted in his chair.

The stars had begun to fade as the sun began its rise in the east. Raj, tired of watching Howard toss and twist in his chair, had once again returned to the floor to ceiling windows to watch the dawn streak across the sky.

The long night was coming to an end. From his perch up high on the fourth floor, Raj looked down and watched as little dots of bright headlights came up the hospital's winding driveway and turn into the parking lot, maneuvering for spaces. The day shift staff was arriving; the hospital would soon be coming to bustling life.

The flashing of blue and red lights speeding towards the hospital caught his attention. Multiple police cars and an ambulance came racing up the driveway, forcing the white-dot headlights to veer to the side of the road, allowing the emergency vehicles passage. The sparkling blue and red lights travelled to the brightly lit emergency room entrance, which, from Raj's vantage point, looked tiny as it lay by his right foot.

Raj watched as Howard's reflection walked towards the windows and came to stand beside him and joined him in looking out the window. "Wow. That's a lot of police activity. I wonder what's up?"

"Not sure. It could be anything, I guess."

The friends just stood watching the swirling lights and frantic activity taking place four stories below.

Raj sighed. He made eye contact with Howard via their reflections. "Did you ask Amy or Sheldon if you could borrow their phone? Any updated bits of information? From the news or the University?"

"No. I didn't ask. Last time I was able to check, it was nothing new, just the same as before. I really wish I had my computer here. I'd love to hack into the video surveillance footage they have in the security department. Just to see how it all went down. I hate to leave though, you know, not to be here … if anything … happens …" Howard trailed off into silence.

Raj nodded. "I know what you mean. But seriously, dude. Just stay here. Whenever we get home, we can do that in twenty minutes. Tops. You're needed here right now."

"I know."

Their conversation ended and the two friends just stood in companionable silence, watching as the sun began to slowly lighten the sky.

"When is sunrise today?"

"6:48." Raj glanced at his watch. "In a little more than an hour."

Howard just nodded.

…..

At 6AM, somewhere a switch was thrown and the waiting room suddenly flooded with bright white fluorescent light. Their eyesight accustomed to the dim, low lighting that was the working environment of the night shift, was now assaulted by the glare. Closing her eyes against the sudden harsh brightness, Penny threw her forearm up over her eyes in protective shield.

Blinking, she noticed Amy doing the same.

"In the low lighting, our pupils were dilated. The sudden light has oversaturated the retinal pigment causing the visual disruption and the pain that we feel," she offered.

"I reminds me of when they turn the house lights on at last call," Penny added.

"Oh! I am sorry, my loves! I didn't see you all sitting there! If I had known, I would have given you a warning and you could have covered your eyes," said the tiny woman who stood smiling before their fatigued group.

Still blinking, the first thing Penny noticed about the woman was her soft Irish accent. When she was finally able to fully focus on the woman, she realized how tiny she was, even shorter than Bernadette, and that her back was hunched with osteoporosis. She had to be at least eighty years old. Soft white hair was piled in waves on the top of her head and her make-up was done to perfection. Powdered and perfumed and wearing a bright pink smock that indicated her position as a hospital volunteer, she reminded Penny of a little human cupcake. She couldn't help but smile.

"Now you all stay put and I'll be going to get my clipboard. And you give me the name of the person you're waiting on and I'll let the operating room know there's family here."

Seething, Sheldon was in no mood to be generous. Exhausted, nauseated, irritated, and with a pounding headache he cleared his throat as he started to bristle at the volunteer. He looked at the hospital identification on her smock.

"Mairsy. We have been sitting in this room since 11:30 last night. And we are well into our," Sheldon hissed as he glanced down at his wristwatch to verify the time, "seventh hour of waiting. We have had visits …"

" … from no one yet." Howard came forward and interrupted the theoretical physicist, wanting to stop Sheldon's ill-tempered tirade at the octogenarian. "I guess the reason is nobody knew we were here. Our bad. Why don't you just get your clipboard and we'll give you our friend's name."

"Oh! My poor loves! That's a shame! Well we'll get this all settled right now. I'll be calling the cafeteria too. They'll be bringing up the coffee and the hot water for some nice tea. That'll be good for you," Mairsy said as she turned away, pocketbook in hand as she headed towards the volunteer's desk.

"Jesus! Sheldon! Don't be such an ass," Penny scolded when Mairsy was out of earshot. "She's just doing her little job!"

"For God's sake, Sheldon! Just let her write Leonard's name on piece of paper and let her make a call. They already know we're here. So what? She's just being helpful," Howard added. "There's no need to bitch at her."

Sheldon rubbed his aching head. "I did overreact. My apologies."

Mairsy returned with the clipboard. Howard stood over her as he gave her Leonard's name and she wrote it slowly on the form, her hand shaking slightly with senile trembling.

"Oh my loves! Such excitement! Did you hear about the big explosion and fire last night over at the University?"

Sheldon let out an irritated huff which earned him a smack on the arm from Amy.

Howard smiled down at the woman. "Yes. We did hear about that."

"Well thank goodness they got the fella what done it. They said he had so many explosives in his house they had to evacuate the area, enough to blow the whole place to kingdom come. Can you imagine that? Being forced from your home and taking the children out of their beds! In the middle of the night! Saints preserve us. I don't know what's become of this world anymore."

Hours ago, when Penny had begged them to turn the news off, Amy switched the television to a music channel. Based on what Mairsy had just said, Howard and Raj ran towards the television and quickly turned the channel back to the news. The news team was still showing the fire and explosion damage to the University but now there was added footage. Howard, Raj, and Sheldon watched the videotape of a thinner but still wild-eyed Nutty Abe, handcuffed and surrounded by police.

The three erupted in cheers and high-fives as Howard turned the volume back up.

The television reporter was speaking. _"Police, working with the University and getting a lucky tip, were quickly able to identify a person of interest in the explosion and fire at the University Research Labs …"_

Raj hit Howard's arm excitedly. "Hey! That's us! We're the lucky tip!"

"I know! I feel so important!" Howard responded, enthused.

There was video footage of Nutty Abe being wheeled into an ambulance on a stretcher.

" … _thirty-two year old Dr. Thomas Hastcoat …"_

"That's right! His last name was Hastcoat! I remember that now!" Raj commented.

"Yeah. But Nutty Abe was still better name," Howard added.

"True, true," Sheldon agreed.

"… _was found hiding at his mother's house on Rossmoyne with an injury police describe is consistent with a broken jaw …"_

"Oh my, God! Leonard broke his jaw," Penny yelled.

"Good for Leonard," Sheldon added.

"That is so badass!" Raj sounded pleased.

The video now showed a long shot of a house with police and hazardous device technicians milling around the home.

" … _and acting on that tip, police searched the Hastcoat property and found large quantities of what is believed to be acetone peroxide, a frightening volatile and unstable explosive compound that can be homemade with a minimum of skill…"_

The video now switched to footage of a young family, surrounded by emergency workers, carrying their crying children out of a house.

"… _police and emergency crews spent the night evacuating houses in a mile radius of the Hastcoat home. Dr. Hastcoat has denied any involvement in the explosion and fire. Also injured in the blast were Gabriel Alvarez, a security guard at the University, and Leonard Stadler, a research chemist at the facility. Both are listed in critical condition. All three men were taken to Huntington Hospital. On the phone we are very lucky to have with us Dr. Harris Stern, an FBI explosives expert, who can tell us about acetone …"_

Howard turned the volume back down.

"Oh my, God! Nutty Abe is here! That was probably all the police activity we saw from the window," Raj exclaimed.

"And they got Leonard's name and information all wrong. Geez. The guy gets blown up for nothing. No one will know it was him."

"Howard!" Bernadette admonished, shocked at his callous remark.

"I'm just saying …," his response trailed off weakly.

"You know, the police not getting Leonard's name right might not be bad thing necessarily," Sheldon commented. "As Leonard has a penchant for blowing thing up," at this statement he was met with shocked looks from Amy and Bernadette, "i.e. the elevator," he added for their edification, "his name will come up peripherally in two explosions, they may connect the dots and start to rethink and investigate our elevator incident once again. So if his name stays muddled in the police paperwork, it may be to his advantage."

"Leonard blew up the elevator?" Amy asked, stunned.

"Oh my, God! What happened? How did he blow up the elevator?" Bernadette added.

"Long story," Howard said.

"But a good story," Raj added.

Sheldon bent his elbow and waved his arm to the group, indicating that they should follow him back to the seats. "Come on. Grab a seat. We'll tell it to you."

…..

The hospital had come to full life. The waiting room began to fill as patients, in wait for their surgeries, and their families began to congregate in the large area. One by one the patients were called, and after hugs and the occasional tearful goodbye, disappeared behind the pre-op holding doors. The worried family members were left behind with only an agonizing wait.

Penny knew exactly how they felt.

At 10AM, into their eleventh hour of waiting, Dr. Gaithers finally appeared. Bleary with tiredness but with an air of excited exhaustion, he led them into the Family Consultation Room where Sheldon had called his mother hours ago. Looking as if he were boneless, Dr. Gaithers literally fell into a seat with a groan. Removing his operating room cap, he ran his hand through his hair, making it stand up in little spikes.

The room was entirely silent as they gave the doctor a moment to collect himself.

Penny's heart was thumping badly in her chest as she awaited the news. She clutched at Amy's hand while Bernadette squeezed her arm.

"Let me start by saying this. Aside from the anaphylactic reaction to the IV dye, Dr. Hofstadter's procedure was textbook, but with one major concession. I know Dr. Chiang spoke with you earlier and mentioned that we were able to reconstruct the artery and veins in the leg and, for right now, there has been no amputation."

Everyone in the room nodded at his words.

"But I cannot stress enough that it was a dirty, contaminated wound and that there will be a long healing process that will involve multiple surgeries. We don't know with any certainty, but I hope we don't find that it would have been more merciful just to amputate the limb right away."

Penny out a hand over her mouth as tears gathered in her eyes.

Dr. Gaithers continued. "The liver laceration seems to have mended nicely but on the bowel resection, here is where we have made the concession. It was always a coin toss as to whether we had to create the colostomy or not. But the anaphylactic reaction made the decision for us. As the bowel resection was quicker and easier, and in light of Dr. Hofstadter's fragile stability, we made the decision just to resect. Blood gases show adequate oxygenation indicating the collapsed lung is expanding nicely with the chest tube and that the smoke inhalation is improving. Dr. Chaing is monitoring the dialysis as well as all the medical concerns. There will be issues with eyesight and hearing but those can be addressed in a week or two when the swelling goes down and we have Dr. Hofstadter's cooperation with the studies."

The weighted conversation continued as Dr. Gaithers, giving no guarantees or false hope, highlighted some complications that may arise and stressed the long road to recovery.

He then pulled a clear plastic sterile cup from his pocket. Little scraps of metal clinked together as the movement created the tinging sound of a broken bell as he brought the container forward.

"I don't know if Dr. Hofstadter will want this, you can judge better. But when I was in Afghanistan, the soldiers liked to keep a bit of the shrapnel that I removed as a good luck charm, a 'that which does not kill me makes me stronger' sort of thing."

He slid the little cup across the table.

Raj was the first to reach the cup and he held up to the light, moving it this way and that. Sharp yellow, orange, and silver pieces of splintered, jagged metal slid around the cup. Shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head, he passed the container to Howard who examined the contents.

"What is it?" Sheldon asked.

"This is some of the metal bits we dug out of his right thigh. It looks like pieces of an exploded inhaler."

Penny and Bernadette let out a soft cry.

"Now the only thing left is for you to visit. The nurses just have to get him settled first. Have the volunteer call the ICU and let them know you're waiting. And when the nurses are ready, they will notify the volunteers and you can go in."

…..

At 10:30, they were greeted by Mairsy's lilting voice. "All right, my loves! Are you ready? Just follow me and you can have a visit with your friend."

Penny's only experience of an ICU was what she saw in soap operas and movies. She half imagined Leonard laying on crisp white sheets in a pressed hospital gown. Sleeping, he would wake and smile softly when her hand touched his face as he became aware of her presence. His single word, 'Penny' would fall softly from his lips as a heart monitor beeped in the background. Shaking her head, she quickly dismissed the thought as pure fantasy. But she could hope, couldn't she?

They followed Mairsy through the automatic doors that led to the ICU. The first thing Penny became aware of was the smell that she always associated with sickness: a strong medicinal, bleach odor mixed with the underlying sharp tang of diarrhea and sweat.

The central desk was large with low counters, making it easy to speak with someone, if needed. Multiple computers lined the desk. The station was a hive of activity. Doctors and nurses, some wearing lab coats and some in scrubs, moved quickly around the desk, in an out of the rooms, or clustered around a computer. Multiple quiet conversations flew fast and furious ranging from critical lab results, pharmacy not sending medications, what x-ray was needed, what patient's family was a real pain in the ass, and who was going to make the coffee.

The nurses station, looked like an underwater world. Subdued lighting lit the area. Large glass walled patient rooms encircled the large, central nurses station. Curtains, in shades of a calming blue, lined the glass on the inside of the wall, could be drawn to provide privacy. If a bright procedure light was on in one the glass cubicles, then the path between the room and nurses station was lit with a powdery blue shimmer. The stress reducing well-crafted illusion was successful. In this low-lit blue world, Penny actually felt as if she were floating weightless underwater.

Completely out of place, no one spoke to their disheveled band as they worriedly followed the tiny volunteer in the bright pink smock. After double-checking her clipboard, Mairsy led them to room 12.

"Here you are, my loves! Number 12. Now you just a have a lovely visit with your friend!"

Heart rabbiting in her chest, Penny watched as Howard stepped forward and pulled back the curtain.

Not even seeing a patient laying in the middle of the bed, the first thing Penny noticed was the technology. Machines were lined along the wall and at the head of the bed. Mechanical clicks, pops, chirps, buzzing, whistling, whirring, and bubbling sounds filled the room. Surrounded on all sides, she couldn't really tell where they coming from and certainly couldn't tell what they meant, either good or bad. Blinking lights and flashing numbers added to the show.

There were tubes everywhere. Penny noticed some that were hanging over the patient's face suspended by a swing arm. Another set of pulsing tubes were filled with blood, one darker, one bright red. The blood was being pumped into a machine that had some sort of filter, which was spinning quietly.

No longer entranced by the machines, it was then that Penny noticed the lone nurse in the room. She was facing them but looking down and engrossed in her work, she never saw the members of Team Leonard as they stood gathered in a quiet huddle by the door. The short, middle-aged nurse was almost as wide as she was tall. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a spiky bun. The glasses she wore were a style identical to Leonard's. Looking very unpleasant and highly intimidating, she had an irritated scowl on her face as she angrily pulled the sheets off the patient and tossed them to the floor. The sheets billowed in the air as they took flight.

Afraid to say anything, Penny just stared at her.

Never one to pick up on behaviors and social cues, Sheldon was the first to speak.

"Excuse me, nurse …," was all he said.

The nurse's head snapped up. Alma, according to her nametag, glared at the group like a wolf who had just spotted a lame deer.

She growled. "What are you doing here?! Who said you could be here?!"

"Mairsy," Howard stammered and turned his back slightly, pointing over his shoulder with his thumb. "She said we could visit …"

Alma hissed. "Oh for God's sake! Mairsy! We're not ready for you yet. Does it look like we're ready for you?"

"No, no. That's all right. We can wait. We'll just go back …,"

Howard never finished his sentence.

"No! Please! Stay! Have your little visit!" Alma said, her voice rising and dripping with sarcasm. "It's not like I have any work to do in here," she said, stressing the word 'I'. She threw the final sheet back at her patient where it landed in a heap across the thighs.

Alma brushed past them yelling and stomped out of the room. "Ron! Ron! We have to do something about Mairsy! She let another family in …," her voice trailed off.

Stunned, they all just stared at the patient in the bed and slowly began to approach.

Laying crumpled in the middle of bed, naked except for the sheet across his thighs, was Leonard.

Edematous from the anaphylactic shock, his face was grotesquely swollen and reddened. Large fluid filled blisters covered his face and chest. The sturdy tape that held the breathing and nasogastric tubes in place, twisted in the swelling making his face look like a red swirl. His eyes and abdomen were both covered with gauze bandages. Livid purple bruises travelled down the right side of his body. His arm was in a fiberglass cast that extended from his shoulder to knuckles. Metal rods exited his leg stabilizing the femur fracture.

"Raj, help me get him covered up," Howard said as he lifted the sheet and straightened it, laying over Leonard from his chest down.

Penny said nothing.

Standing on her tiptoes so she could reach over the rail, she carefully maneuvered her hand around the tubes coming out of Leonard's mouth and nose, she put her arm across his chest. She then laid her head on his shoulder and cried. She ran her fingers through his hair, now sticky with sweat and smelling like smoke. Tiny particles of glass, evidence of his flight through the windows, were tangled in his curls and glistened in the light.

_A/N - Thank you all for you very kind reviews! I hope you continue to read and enjoy the story! Not completely thrilled with this rambling chapter but I wanted to get something out there as it has been over a month since I last posted. As always, comments, criticisms, reviews, questions will all be gratefully accepted! _

_PS - Do you see these? !i!i!i!i!i! Do you know what they are? They are L/P writing bugs! Yes! Muah-ha-ha! [Karen laughs diabolically as she releases the swarm, doing the same little wavy hand gesture that Leonard did when he was playing three person chess in 'The Wildebeest Implementation']. Now my little beauties have been released and I hope you get bit by an L/P writing bug! _


	14. Chapter 14

End's Beginning – Chapter 14

Everyone gathered silently around the bed and looked down at the blistered, swollen face of their friend. No words were spoken as they were overwhelmed by events, shocked at Alma's behavior, and stunned by Leonard's appearance.

Except for the gentle rise and fall of his chest, Leonard could have been a cadaver. Completely soundless and immobile, Leonard looked small and vulnerable as he lay in the bed, recognizable only by the wild, dark curls on his head. It was such a sharp contrast to the warm and vibrant person they knew. The person who only a few hours ago played video games with them, shared Italian food, and was overjoyed to tell them of his news, the friend who they had congratulated and toasted. Any semblance to life was completely extinguished, like a candle whose flame had gone out.

Howard found himself looking at Leonard's chest as he waited and watched for each mechanical breath. As desperate as the situation seemed, he thought there was some comfort to be found.

Governed by the etiquette of the sick bed, Howard spoke in a hushed voice. "You know, this isn't all bad."

Penny continued to hold Leonard tightly as four sets of eyes looked at him in stunned disbelief.

Sheldon gave him a particularly hard glare. "Howard. What on the Earth could you possibly mean by that?"

"Well, everything's nice and regular now," he lifted his hand and indicated the heart monitor, "we have all steady blips," he turned to a machine that had a flat-screen monitor, "this one is whooshing fine … I guess it's the ventilator," he added as an afterthought. "And that one over there with all the blood spinning in it, that's almost certainly the dialysis machine … and it's … spinning," he said with a shrug.

Sheldon and Raj looked at Howard with twin looks of disbelief.

Sheldon cleared his throat. "So to recap, our group's resident engineer said we have a heart monitor that is blipping, a machine that you think is a ventilator that is whooshing, and a dialysis machine that is spinning. What am I missing?"

"Dude. That explanation didn't help. What are you talking about?"

"Nothing's alarming," Howard defended. "It's all nice and regular sounds. It's comforting in a way." He looked at Sheldon. "Just a few hours ago when Dr. Gaithers said Leonard was 'critical but stable' you went off and said you hoped he wasn't just being placating. Well, nothing's alarming, and this is the 'stable' he was talking about. It's kind of comforting."

Raj smiled. "I see what you mean."

Sheldon looked away, considering what Howard had said. He nodded his head slightly in agreement.

"So what do we do now? Do we stay? Or go? I just know we can't leave him like this," Howard wondered aloud.

"I'm not sure," Amy said as she looked around the room, "we should get a nurse in here. And I am definitely reporting Alma. Her behavior was inappropriate and unprofessional."

"I completely agree with you and we should tell them that we don't want her as Leonard's nurse. Ever." Bernadette added just as the blue curtains swished back and a young nurse entered the room, her arms piled high with linens. Balanced on top of the sheets and towels was a plastic basin filled with bottles of bath soap. Her eyes widened in surprise as she surveyed the rumpled group.

"Uh, hello. We weren't expecting any family in here yet."

"We know. Alma made that abundantly clear," Howard said.

The nurse turned and placed her bundle on a chair beside the bed. Her long curly brown hair had a small swath that was dyed cotton candy pink and started at the base of her neck. Her hair was twisted into a soft spikey bun but the tiny pink tips made it look like she had feathers in her hair. Her earlobes were decorated with multiple colored studs and delicate vine tattoos on her wrists gave evidence to her counter-culture leanings.

"I heard Alma outside ranting to Ron about something. Is that what she was going on about?"

"Yes. Apparently Mairsy let us in too soon," Sheldon added.

The nurse shook her head sadly, the little pink wisps of hair bouncing at the top of her head as she did.

"Mairsy's a total sweetheart but she doesn't quite have the hang of the job yet. She'll frequently send in family before we call. As for Alma, let me apologize," she said as she drew in a sharp breath and grimaced, "she can be …"

"A turd?" Howard offered.

The nurse laughed and gave them a warm smile. "Yep. That's it. That's pretty accurate. I was going to say acerbic but your word is much better. Let me introduce myself. My name is Grace and I'll be Mr. Hofstadter's nurse this shift."

"That's Dr. Hofstadter," Sheldon corrected.

The nurse looked surprised. "Oh! I didn't know that. Doctor of ….." she prompted.

"Physics," Sheldon clarified.

"Ah, gotcha! Not medicine then. A doctor but not a doctor doctor," Grace said smiling. She then lifted her hand, indicating Leonard. "Please know that we do try to get our patient's cleaned and straightened up before family arrives. But we spent the majority of our time sorting out all the technology and getting the medications running. The basic care, the bed bath, unfortunately we didn't get to yet. I had just recruited Alma to help me."

"Really. It's not a problem. We understand completely," Bernadette comforted.

"Well why don't we do this," Grace said, her expressive hands indicating their little assembly, "you're here, have your visit now. We ask that it be limited to twenty minutes. And then I'd like to talk to you and explain the ICU rules and whatnot."

A collective murmured 'thank you' came from their group.

"Sure. Not a problem." Grace, her smile gone and her face only showing concern, went over to the most visibly distressed member, Penny. Flanking her on the side, and putting her left hand on Penny's shoulder, the nurse rubbed her back with her right hand.

"I know, I know," Grace comforted as she continued to rub Penny's back. "It looks pretty bad but at time like this, we have to celebrate the small things, the baby steps. And right now Dr. Hofstadter is stable …"

"See! Told ya!" Vindicated, Howard interrupted and hissed to his friends.

Grace smiled as she continued, ignoring Howard's outburst, spoke to the room. "His vital signs and oxygenation are good, the results of some blood work we sent came back great. We have to focus on the positive little things we have right now. How about if I explain all the machines and medicines? Would that help?"

Sniffling, Penny just nodded her head and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

Grace began to explain the myriad of medical technology that surrounded and was attached to Leonard. The nurse verified that Howard had identified all the machines correctly. She then showed them the various monitors: oxygen, central venous pressure, arterial lines. She showed them the bubbling container for the chest tube, the skeletal traction for Leonard's broken leg. After explaining all the devices, Grace turned their attention to the IV fluids and a row of computerized pumps.

"Now this is quite an important part and something you'll need to know. When someone is on a ventilator, like Dr. Hofstadter is, one of the drugs they are given is a paralytic. It paralyzes all their muscles," at this, Grace tapped a locked IV pump where a syringe was slowly dripping in a medication. "We need the paralysis for a few reasons: it's less work for the patient so his resources can build up and another is that we can control the breathing, fully oxygenate. It's important to remember that with the paralytic drug, it doesn't sedate the patient or control pain. So even though they may look asleep and don't respond, they can be fully awake and completely aware of their surroundings …"

Penny reacted strongly. After glancing down at Leonard, she looked up at the nurse, horrified. "You mean Leonard's wide awake but paralyzed? He's not asleep? He's laying there knowing what's exactly going on? How can he tell you when he needs something? Or when he's in pain?"

"No, no. We got that covered," Grace responded in soothing voice. "There are two other medications we are giving as well. One is a potent pain killer," here the nurse indicated one of the locked IV pumps, "the other is a sedative. It's a combination that helps to keep the patient asleep and pain free. In a few days, we'll start to slowly decrease the paralytic as we start to wean him from the ventilator."

Penny nodded in understanding and relief.

Grace continued. "So it's important to talk to Dr. Hofstadter as if he were awake. Tell him what is happening, the date, time, what you are doing, current events, that sort of thing. Hearing your voices, telling them what is going will help to keep him less panicky, less agitated."

Sheldon, standing on Leonard's left side, looked down at his friend's arm. "So if he's paralyzed and sleeping, why is he in a wrist restraint?"

"Because the tubes can be uncomfortable, especially the one down his throat. Sometimes a patient will become restless and try to pull the tubes and IVs out. It's for his protection, that's all." Grace smiled warmly. "Now, how about if I stop talking and you have your visit." She turned slightly and indicated a low desk behind her, covered with paperwork. "I'll just be right over here doing some documentation. If you have any questions at all, please don't hesitate to ask."

Amy said 'Thank you, Grace' while Bernadette offered a simultaneous 'Grace, thank you so much'.

The young nurse smiled and stepped aside. Looking wisely at the machines, she jotted down numbers on her paperwork.

Bernadette took out her rosary beads. "Sheldon, I've never known this. What religion is Leonard?"

"None. I'd say irreligious. But I'd have to say a distant second would be Catholic. His father's sister, his Aunt Edna, married an Italian fellow from Philadelphia, his Uncle Floyd. Edna and Floyd were childless and they became very close with Leonard. They ran a successful bakery. He would spend a few weeks with them during the summer helping them out in their store. When he was with them, they would take him to their Catholic Masses. And on a side note, it was his Uncle Floyd who discovered that Leonard could tolerate German Chocolate cake."

"Close enough." Bernadette handed the rosary beads to Sheldon and indicated that she wanted him to loop them around a bar at the head of the bed. "I've got a first class relic from St Francis of Assisi. I'll bring it in and he can wear it pinned to his gown."

Amy felt a catch in throat as she looked down at Leonard. It was true she thought him tedious and no more special than a carthorse. She had heard the stories about his early life and she had no reason to doubt that they weren't true. Leonard's childhood was brutal. Seemingly unwanted and unloved, his mother was cold and distant, never giving one droplet of praise or encouragement. And based on what she had heard, his mother seemed to go one step further, actively humiliating and minimizing his every effort.

This was puzzling to the neurobiologist. After decades of primate research, the effect was undeniable: the mother-child bond is a primal, so significant that it wholly effects emotional and psychological wellbeing. Children are born with an innate need to recognize, seek out, and attach to a mother figure for safety, care, and protection. Amy remembered the heartbreaking videos when she was in college and grad school: motherless, terrified infant monkeys instinctively clinging to a soft clothed mannequin rather than a wire mesh one. And if the maternal deprivation continued, the monkeys would sink into depression and despair.

Being a psychiatrist and a neurobiologist, Leonard's mother would have been acutely aware of this, making her actions even more baffling.

As Amy looked down at Leonard, she came to one conclusion: his mother's actions had been calculated and intentional, almost as if she had been using him for some long-term experiment. Amy's heart squeezed at the thought. She could easily imagine Leonard as a child, rudderless and emotionally neglected, with an insecure mother-child attachment, desperately trying to please a cold and indifferent mother as he stumbled his way through the world.

It was quite sad when looked at in this context.

Amy's heart melted. She had once referred to Leonard as a 'little sad sack'. But at the same time, he was gentle, good natured, and sweet. Maybe he wasn't tedious and ordinary. Maybe he was just desperately trying to carve out a life when something so very primal was actively, possibly purposely, denied.

"Penny! You'd better love him!" Amy shouted.

Everyone, including Grace, looked at her stunned.

"Sorry," Amy said embarrassed as she cleared her throat, "I forgot where I was."

Howard spoke next. "Leonard, I want you to know that you are not alone and never will be. I'll be here everyday and bringing you magazines and comics and I'll read them to you. I've called my mother and she's praying for you. She's also notified our Synagogue and you are on the prayer list. And she said she going to keep the people happy who are caring for you so she'll be sending in food everyday for the nurses: briskets, cheesecakes, blintzes, all sorts of things. She's going to keep them well fed so they take extra special…," Howard's voice thickened with tears, "very, very … good care of you. So you can come home again."

Howard touched a fingertip to his eye. "Nurses like that, don't they, Grace? Food from families?"

A smile could be heard in Grace's voice. "Oh yes! Very much so! And just so you know, you get extra points for anything covered in chocolate."

Raj squeezed Leonard's lax hand. "Dude. You hang in there for us, OK? You are a very good friend and, despite what Sheldon says, you are the glue that holds our little band together." Raj began to cry openly. "You know, Leonard, you were the second person I met and second friend I made here when I came from India." Raj's words became sobs, "… you were so … accepting … you opened up your home to me … I never thought … I'd find one friend … let alone two … I came to think of you as … my number two … you are my big number two …"

Howard grabbed Raj's arm, effectively stopping his 'number two' ramble. "Thank you, Raj. That was lovely. Any words for Leonard, Sheldon?"

"… you're my number two, buddy. Remember that," Raj added, sobbing.

Sheldon straightened and cleared his throat. "Leonard. It has come to my attention that I may have responded in jealousy to your good news concerning your government grant. And I freely admit that I did purposely highlight some specific professional failures you experienced in order to undermine your news." Glancing away, Sheldon shifted slightly in his place and uncomfortably cleared his throat once again. "Please know that thedeviltooktemporaryholdofm ysoulandImadeJesusweep." The words come out in one breath, a rushed rifle-fire delivery, the admission of which had Sheldon looking around the room, a pained expression on his face.

"Sheldon, please! You can do better than that," Amy scolded. "Try again."

"It was quite an achievement and we're all … very proud … of you."

Bernadette gushed, "Aww! Sheldon! So very sweet!"

"That was lovely, Sheldon," Amy added.

"And Leonard, please know that I forgive you for turning the thermostat up to ninety degrees. And note that I am also pre-emptively forgiving you for how you've managed to completely inconvenience me for what will be the next several months. Reliance on my secondary and tertiary friends is exhausting as they are not nearly as well trained as you and I now find myself subjected to the very whims …"

"Sheldon! Shoulda quit when you were ahead there, buddy," Howard said, interrupting the tirade.

Sheldon glanced at his watch. "Well our twenty minutes is nearing to an end. Now would be the time for me to sing Soft Kitty."

Wide-eyed with her mouth drawn into a tight line as she tried not to smile, Grace watched as the tall man, with all seriousness and sincerity, sang some goofy little song that was evidently very important to him.

"Penny, we need to be leaving," Amy turned and said to friend gently.

At this, Penny turned and gave Leonard a final hug. She pressed her lips to his ear and said words so softly that no one could hear them. After giving a caress to his brow with her thumb, she kissed his forehead.

…..

Hands.

Yes. They were hands. He was sure of it.

Hands. Some rough, some gentle. They were all over him. Cold hands. Clinical hands touching him in intimate places. Doing what?

He wanted to scream, tried to scream, couldn't scream.

Beg them to stop.

The pain!

Everywhere.

He wanted to cry.

It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. So bad.

Everywhere.

But there was one set of hands.

Like a blind man who could tell you the direction of the sun, he knew.

Penny!

Her scent! Her own unique scent, a warm cherry almond. He could wrap himself in her scent. It would envelop him like a warm blanket.

He could feel her. Her hair across his face and chest. Tucking her head into the crook of his neck and shoulder.

Holding him like she did when they were lovers.

Wanting, desperately to hold back.

All voluntary movement lost. Hands and arms that had all the dexterity of a brick.

A sense of words.

Being talked over him, not to him. But words that felt like actual concern.

Was that Sheldon singing Soft Kitty?

Was someone sick? Who was sick?

A whispered, '… ve you … need you … come back ... don't you dare leave me.'

And then she was gone.

Alone.

Lost.

Crying and silently screaming her name. Shedding tears no one saw, in a panic that no one soothed.

Silent and still.

No evidence of inner turmoil.

Too confusing.

Lost and alone.

Don't fight.

It's gone.

Submerge, then.

Drifting. Drifting. Drifting.

Pain fading.

Fear fading.

Grey turning to black.

Then nothing.

Peaceful nothing.

...

_A/N: First, I'd like to beg your forgiveness as it took me so long to update. I guess it's self evident that I'm not a prolific writer. Because I love that Leonard had warm memories of his Uncle Floyd, I gave him a little backstory in this chapter that will have some more meaning later. Thank you all for your wonderful and very kind reviews! They mean everything to me! As always, I hoped you have liked this chapter and are continuing to enjoy the story. And as always, comments, criticisms, questions, or reviews will always be gratefully accepted! Write on! Karen _


	15. Chapter 15

End's Beginning – Chapter 15

Their speeches were given, the song sung, and good byes said, Grace watched as the endearingly odd band of family? friends? started to leave Dr. Hofstadter's side. Stopping them before they left the room, she handed each one a pamphlet with the phone numbers and rules of the ICU. After briefly highlighting the rules, the nurse pointed to a phone number on the brochure, showing them the extension they can call at the end of each shift for recorded updates.

As Grace spoke, she watched as the group listlessly and distractedly flipped through the circulars in their hands. Clearly exhausted but restless and edgy, their tension was palpable.

She had seen this plenty of times before. Their nerves were frayed but not at the breaking point just yet. There was no anger or short tempers displayed, but the nurse had a strong sense that something could start to smolder. A tiny push in the wrong direction by the wrong impetus, Grace could see that they would be at one another's throats, perhaps to an extent where they could not repair the damage. They seemed to be a flaky and sweet bunch but their emotional resources seemed limited … and a tad strange.

Right now, the last thing they needed was something more piled on. Maybe she could refocus them and give them something to think about. Something to remind each one of them of their importance to one another and to help them to stay unified as a group.

"I know it's been an awful and terribly long night for you and it probably feels as if everything's upside-down right now. You need to go home and get some rest, but I just want one more minute of your time. Dr. Hofstadter …"

"Leonard. Please call him Leonard," Sheldon interrupted. "He is never one to stand on formality."

Grace smiled. "Thank you. Good to know." She continued. "Right now, Leonard is in the battle of his life ... for his life. And when going into battle, what is one thing you need?"

Raising his hand, Sheldon interrupted a second time. "Any number of things … knowledge of your enemy, sufficient weaponry …,"

"Sheldon!" Bernadette snapped. "Put your hand down! I'm pretty sure it was a rhetoric question!"

Sheldon, sulking, looked at his friends as he lowered his hand. "Oh," he said glumly.

"As I was saying," Grace continued, "when going into battle, one of the things you need is good strong armor." Turning slightly, with a sweep of her arm, she pointed to her patient for maximum effect. All eyes followed the direction of her extended hand and their gaze came to rest on Leonard as he lay naked and helpless on the bed. "Where's Leonard's armor? What armor does he have?"

Exhausted, numb with fatigue, Penny fell for the drama of the question, as they all did. Mind reeling, her heart thudded painfully as she stared at Leonard.

_Oh, my God! She's right! What strength does Leonard have? He doesn't have any! He can't even breathe for himself!_

Penny gasped when the answer to the question came to her. Eyes filling with tears, she turned to Grace.

"He doesn't have any," Penny said in a whispered sob.

Grace smiled and simply said, "Yes, he does. It's you. All of you. You are his armor. You are the armor that's going to surround him, support him, and help keep him alive in his battle. And as Leonard's armor, you have to be as strong as you can be. Which means you will have to eat healthy meals, even when you're not hungry. It means even if you can't sleep, you will lay in a darkened room and will your mind to relax. It means that you will follow your normal routine as much as possible: work, exercise, and staying active. It also means that you will accept help from your family, friends, and co-workers. Talk about all this with them and tell them what you're feeling. Go out and enjoy one another's company. Whatever you need to keep your balance. Because this," the nurse turned and made a waving gesture with her hands indicating the hospital room and Leonard, "this is going to be happening for months. It's not ending any time soon. So in order to help Leonard fight his battle, you have to be strong."

Penny touched the back of her hand to her eyes to stem the burning tears. The nurse put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Grace continued to address the group. "Now I know all of this is very easy for me to say. But Leonard's very important to you. I can tell. I can tell because you never left his side. I can tell because you stayed here all night and we don't have many families who do. Now all of us here at the hospital are just a support team: monitoring him, giving his medications on time, preventing infections, helping him to exercise and telling him what he needs to do. But what pulls him back and forces him to fight for his life? When he's so sick and weak and can't remember a time when he wasn't in pain? When it would be easier to give up … and he doesn't. It's because of you, his family and friends who remind him how important he is and necessary in their lives. He needs your strength now. You are his armor."

…..

Amy's car pulled into the front of 2311 North Los Robles Avenue. Before Penny and Sheldon exited the automobile, promises circled around the group. Promises that included: trying to get some sleep, call immediately if you hear anything from the hospital, call later after you rest if you don't, to meet up later for dinner.

In a mind numbing exhaustion so profound, on autopilot, Penny and Sheldon stumbled their way up the stairs and to their respective doors. Stunned, Penny stared open-mouthed at her door having no memory of how she actually arrived there.

The sound of keys jingling and a soft 'goodnight, Penny … we'll talk later' from Sheldon pulled her from her blurry reverie.

Penny turned and watched blankly as Sheldon opened the door and started to enter 4A.

"Sheldon! Wait!"

The physicist turned to see Penny blearily staring through the open door and into the living room.

"What?" His voice was hoarse, drained.

Her green eyes met his blue. "I'm sleeping in Leonard's room," Penny said. Her voice strong and with clear intent, brooked no argument.

Sheldon stepped aside and sweeping his arm across his chest, pointed into the room with his open hand indicating she should enter. Penny charged straight past him and marched straight down the small hallway that ended at Leonard's door.

Stopping at his desk, Sheldon removed his messenger bag and draped the strap over the back of his chair. In no mood for Penny's impudent attitude and her blatant disregard for paperwork formality, he'd get her to sign the indemnification papers for the use of Leonard's room later today. Right now, before he could sleep, he had other tasks to do. Sitting at his desk and opening his laptop, he pulled up Beverly's contact information and started to compose an email.

…..

After closing the door, Penny made her way to the other side of room. She closed the window and pulled the curtains closed against the bright sun, darkening the room. It had been a warm October but now the cold was gathering.

Crossing the short distance to the bed, Penny stood in the silent sanctum of Leonard's room. She let her fingertips wander over the figurines on the bookshelf, the framed pictures of Mitzi and Leonard's Aunt Edna and Uncle Floyd. Her hand slid down over the neatly made bed and the cobalt blue comforter. She felt safe here, surrounded by Leonard's trinkets, figurines, and posters. All the little things he chose to keep close to him, all the little things that make up the story of a life.

And now, it was close to ending as Leonard fought for his.

In despair, Penny fell across the bed and cried. Turning onto her side, she curled into the fetal position.

But something was not right … there was something … she needed … to do … something … but what … there was something tugging at the barest wisps of memory … she was Leonard's armor … she needed to keep him safe, guard his life. But that's what the nurses were doing now, guarding his life. But their focus was too clinical. Although she trusted Grace completely, would she know to talk to Leonard about Star Wars or Star Trek?

Penny sat up quickly and looked around the room at all the things that made Leonard, essentially Leonard.

That was it! She knew what she needed to do now.

Sheldon had told her years ago about sympathetic magic. In the winter, Pagans brought evergreen branches into their homes to guard the life essence of the plants until the spring. The nurses would watch Leonard's physical life and she would guard his life's essence.

Crossing the room, she removed Leonard's robe from the hook on the back of the door, his 1950s style red bathrobe with the floating geometric shapes. The ugliest bathrobe ever. Everyone brought t-shirts and hoodies, but only one person in the history of the world would even think to buy this bathrobe.

Leonard.

Her Leonard.

Bringing the thick cotton material up to her chest, Penny held it tightly as she ran her fingers along the silky red and white border. Clean and fresh, she could faintly smell Luke Skywalker conditioner at the collar.

Leonard.

So uniquely Leonard.

Returning to the bed, Penny once again curled on her side in the fetal position. Pulling the robe against her chest, she wrapped her arms around it and held it tightly against her beating heart, clinging to it like a lifeline.

…..

_A/N - a shortish chapter, but I just wanted to get something posted. Thank you to all who have left wonderful reviews! Please know that they make my day and I walk around on Cloud Nine grinning like a fool! As always, thank you for reading this far and I hope you are continuing to enjoy the story. And as always, comments, criticisms, questions, and reviews are always welcomed! Tell or ask me anything! _

_PS - I just want to add that we have had wonderful and tremendous L/P stories here lately! It almost feels like we are creating a wave in the Shenny sea! Hot darn! Good for us! Please keep reading and reviewing! And to our writers out there, please keep writing! Because if you don't write, we don't have anything to read and then we all lose! _


	16. Chapter 16

End's Beginning – Chapter 16

After the email to Beverly was composed and sent, Sheldon preoccupied himself with going through Leonard's computer to get the contact information for his father and siblings. Dizzy with fatigue, Sheldon was relieved that these subsequent letters would take little effort as they would just be a copy and paste of his original missive.

However, given the extreme situation, social protocol would dictate that a comforting call should be placed to Leonard's immediate family. Weary, desperately wanting only to sleep, he had absolutely no desire to engage the requisite chit-chat and field the barrage of questions that would undoubtedly be asked. As much as he admired and enjoyed speaking with Beverly, exhaustion was dictating his current needs.

Four individual calls would need to be made. And if connected with a Hofstadter parent or sibling, each call could be distressingly long. Sheldon quickly calculated his odds of being entrenched into a lengthy, possibly emotional and impassioned, question and answer session. But given what he knew of the Hofstadter family, emotional and impassioned is off the table - unless, of course, he was dealing with Leonard.

Emotional and impassioned: nil.

Lengthy questioning: quite likely.

When he factored in the fact that Beverly was in Romania and his father in Paraguay, quite likely any call placed would go voice mail or an uninterested office staff who would only take a message.

Overall entrenchment odds with parents: Low. Acceptable risk.

The Hofstadter siblings, however, now that was a different matter entirely, a wild card. Knowing nothing about their schedules, this could be problematic. Dorothy was at Columbia, Michael at Harvard.

Sheldon bit and twisted his lower lip and glanced at the computer clock, checking the time. 12:30 PM PST, which would make it 3:30 PM EST. And at that time of the afternoon, both could quite likely be at their desks having office hours.

Overall entrenchment odds with the Hofstadter siblings: chancy.

"Hmm …."

Turning around, he glanced longingly down the small hallway that led to his room. But if the situation were reversed, Leonard would have been on the phone long ago speaking directly with his family.

"Leonard you are such a hippy," Sheldon said as he sighed and turning back to his desk, started to dial Beverly's number.

…..

All along the plan had been that after leaving the hospital, they would stop at Raj's so he could pick up his computer. Then it was to Bernadette's apartment where they could work undisturbed trying to hack into security to get the video surveillance footage from the University. Buoyed by successful previous infiltrations that were mere child's play, they believed this exercise would take no longer than 'twenty minutes tops' as Raj had confidently put it. After, Raj would sleep on Bernadette's sofa. Then later, they would join Amy, Sheldon, and Penny for dinner before heading back to the hospital.

Probably because they were exhausted and emotionally drained, Bernadette had used the unkind term 'brain dead', dissention in Team Ninja Cat started early.

The first sign of trouble was the bickering over their 'team' name. Howard wanted 'Stealth Ninja Hackers' while Raj argued vociferously for 'Covert Computer Cat Burglars'. Only through Bernadette's mediation did they reach the compromise name of 'Team Ninja Cat'. And the fact that she called them children and threatened to turn the car around and drop them both off at Howard's mother's house helped to close the argument.

Exhaustion forgotten, Howard and Raj sat side-by-side at the dining room table while Bernadette slept. Each one at his computer, they worked together to hack into the security department to get the video surveillance footage from the University. Gaining back door access by using the code from the program that they had written years ago, to get into the insurance files of the personnel who had daughters aged fourteen to sixteen so they could create an incorrectly timed 'Bring Your Daughters to Work Day' and thereby distract Dennis Kim, was still helpful to gain entry into the University system. But once in, they stalled. The security department is not the personnel department and the ease they originally had was like a floppy disc: long gone.

Two hours later, what was supposed to be an easy task, a mindless cakewalk exercise that would have them goofing on the alleged impermeability of the University computer system, was proving to be frustratingly difficult.

And now, Team Ninja Cat fought fatigue and each other.

"Dude! This is ridiculous! We've been at this for over two hours now! We need to stop trying to look for unpatched holes and unprotected pathways! Obviously there aren't any or else we would have found them by now!"

Howard hissed, "You know this is like trying to steal the master key from the building manager and your constant bitching and moaning isn't making it any easier!"

"Just end this now and get a dictionary program going!"

"That can take days!"

"No it won't," Raj countered. "The terminals are busy! The police and University security are tapping away on their computers as we speak to review and forward the surveillance footage to the authorities. We can capture the data in transit over the system."

"Your idea sucks but fine. We'll just divide and conquer. You get and enter a dictionary program while I scan and look for the computer administrator's all access account and try to recover passwords."

Renewed, Raj started typing furiously while glancing up at his computer screen. The tapping slowly came to a stop as his hands slipped from the keyboard.

Howard looked at his friend confused. "What's up? Why did you stop?"

"Why are we doing this?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why are we doing this? Do you want to see Leonard get blown up? I don't want to see Leonard get blown up."

"Yeah, but don't you want to know what happened? How it happened?"

Raj shook his head. "No. No I don't. We're Team Armor first and foremost. We should be resting, trying to keep our strength up. Leonard is going to need us. We don't need to revisit how he nearly got killed. All that we've been through and seen tonight is going to haunt me anyway. I'm not going to add to it." He pushed away from the table.

Howard hung his head. "You're right," he said as reached up and shut his laptop off and closed the lid. "I'm sorry. I just got caught up in the challenge of getting into the computer system. It was just a distraction from … everything. To be honest, it's something I really didn't want to see it either."

Howard stood and put a comforting hand on Raj's shoulder. "Let me get you a pillow and some blankets for the sofa."

Just then, Howard's cell phone rang. His heart thudded as Raj gasped. Removing the device from his back pocket, he murmured, "please don't be Sheldon with bad news … please don't be Sheldon with bad news … please don't be Sheldon with bad news …"

Looking at the caller ID, he sighed and mouthed 'thank you'. "It's Stuart," he told Raj as he pressed the connect button.

Nearly turning blue from holding his breath, Raj exhaled in thanks and relief.

"Hey, Stuart."

"Hey, Howard. Do you have a minute? I was just reading the morning paper about the explosion over at the University and they listed one of the injured people as 'Leonard Stadler', a chemist. I didn't think it was our Leonard until Albino Bob came in and showed me the YouTube video. The guy really, really looks like Leonard. Is it Leonard?"

"Oh my God," Howard yelled. Wide eyed, he turned to Raj. "There's a video on YouTube?"

"Yeah. It's a video called 'Dancing Guy Fights and gets Blown Up.' It already has over 7,000 hits. Is that Leonard?"

"Raj! You Tube! It's on You Tube!"

The discussion they had just seconds ago, about not wanting to see the scene unfold, was forgotten as they both raced to their computers and turning them back on, hit search. Despite their best intentions, the video was the traffic accident they didn't want to see but couldn't help watching.

The three minute and thirty second video glowed to life.

"Oh my, God! Look at him! He's so happy!" Howard said as they watched Leonard running and smiling, doing his goofy spontaneous dance of joy.

"You nailed that, Howard. He is going to the vending machines to spruce up for a date with Penny. No doubt about that."

And then to the inevitable disintegration of the event that they both knew was coming. The camera was an impartial witness and the black and white video it produced was brutal: Leonard's confrontation with Nutty Abe and being chased with a hammer; the fight with the fire extinguisher; the explosion and seeing their friend being lifted off his feet and flying backwards through the windows. The video was silent but each man had the had the soundtrack in his mind of Leonard's recorded call, narrating the events, bringing it to full horrific life.

The video ended and open mouthed and silent, they just stared at the screen.

"Howard? Howard? Raj? Guys? You there?" Stuart's voice came over the phone.

Howard pointed accusingly at the computer. "Oh my, God! Do you see what happens when your back is turned? Do you see what happens?"

"Someone else hacked into the program first."

Howard scrolled down the screen. "Well I don't like this at all. Not at all! They're making fun of this. Look! They've edited out just the dance and put it to music!"

The touch of his fingertip brought up the screen and a video appeared of Leonard doing his dance to the song _Tequila_. In the end when he did his karate moves, the editor mixed in the words 'everybody was kung-fu fighting … hi-ya!'

Leonard's musical dance number ended. Howard and Raj stared blankly at the screen.

"Howard? Raj? OK. All right. I'm just going to hang up now, OK? But call me later, OK? Guys? OK." The dial tone sounded as Stuart disconnected the call.

"Oh, this is so not right."

Raj shook his head. "So not right," he said in agreement. "Look! Look! There's another one! They green-screened him and he's fighting with Imperial Stormtroopers!"

"Son of a bitch!"

Raj tapped the screen and there was Leonard with light saber in hand, battling the dark side. The dance was duplicated three times to lengthen the clip, allowing for more villains, more fighting. Two minutes later, Leonard's cyber skirmish and the Star Wars music ended.

Howard looked away from the screen and gazed off into the distance. "Huh," he simply stated.

Raj looked at the thoughtful expression on Howard's face. "Wish you had thought about doing that first?"

"What? No! Please! Of course not!" Howard tried to look insulted and added an indignant huff for good measure.

"Really?"

"OK! Well maybe just a little," he hissed guiltily.

…..

Remarkably, all the members of Team Armor (as Raj had taken to calling them) had managed to get some sleep, but not deeply or well.

Bernadette and Amy got up early because they both had some shopping they wanted to do. Penny dozed fretfully in Leonard's bed. Howard, and by extension Raj who had been trying to sleep on the soda, had multiple interruptions from his mother. Sheldon's sleep had been disturbed by two lengthy calls from Leonard's sister and brother. Initially, the plan had been that they would eat first and then go to the hospital. But as Howard's mother had made ten pounds each of meatballs and sausages with peppers, they needed to deliver the food to the ICU staff. Sheldon argued volubly that dinner should not be postponed and only relented when Howard let him eat some of the delicious food. Now as the group trudged towards the ICU, Sheldon was trying to give name to the combined anxiety and fatigue they all admitted they felt.

"Frazzled," Howard supplied helpfully while he hefted the two foil pans filled with meatballs.

"No. Most certainly not. 'Frazzled' would imply something that was near collapse, lassitude, or prostration if you will. What we are collectively experiencing is 'frazzled' with an adrenaline-like component."

"Wired?"

"No. 'Wired' has a highly caffeinated connotation. In addition, the word has a disregard for our collective fatigue."

"Anxious? Tense? Uneasy?"

"No. Again, that only describes half the malady. The exhaustion, heaviness, languor is missing."

"Let's just say we're 'wir-azzled'. 'Wired' and 'frazzled' together."

Raj carefully adjusted the ten pounds of sausages with peppers that he was holding. "How about 'frazz-aline'? Frazzled and adrenaline together?"

Sheldon, holding the large bag of hard rolls so the meatballs and sausages could be made into sandwiches, considered the choices.

Amy cleared her throat. "If I may interject. What Sheldon is trying to name is actually a syndrome called 'Adrenal Fatigue'. Adrenal Fatigue is a collection of signs and symptoms that results when the adrenal glands function below the necessary level. Your adrenals mobilize your body's response to stress. When you are in a continued emotional crisis as we are in now, the adrenal response can be inadequate with diminished hormonal response. The result of which is anxiety, irritability, exhaustion, and inability to concentrate."

"Hmm … adrenal fatigue," Sheldon considered. "Not zazzy enough. Wir-azzled. I like it," he said as they approached the nursing station.

"Good! Thank God! This stupid conversation is over," Penny groused.

"Irritability. A symptom of wir-azzled," Sheldon said, looking pointedly at the waitress.

As tired and distracted as they were, their little band suddenly found their forward progress halted as a nurse stepped into their path. Not very tall but solidly built, she had a pocketbook slung over her shoulder giving the impression that she was leaving.

"Whoa. Whoa. Whoa," she said as she raised her hand, stopping them in their tracks. "Where do you think you are going?"

Howard, their current leader, spoke. "Ah … we're just visiting our friend, Leonard …"

"Do you know the rules of our ICU?"

"Ah … no. But we did get pamphlets," Howard smiled and nodded, offered meekly. He turned to his friends. "Did anyone read their pamphlet?"

There was a soft round of guilty 'noes' and a few shakes of their heads indicating the negative.

Howard shrugged his shoulders and pasted an impish grin on his face. "Our bad. But we do have some meatballs and sausages for the nurses," he added in a sing-song voice to try to appease for not reading up on the rules. Behind him, Raj held up the foil wrapped trays of sausages and Sheldon followed, holding the bag of rolls as evidence.

The nurse, Sophia, was brusque and professional. Not as warm and accommodating as Grace but certainly not on par with Alma, she was unmoved by the gift of food.

Reaching beside her, she pulled some more pamphlets from the desk and distributed them to the group. She even went so far as to place one on the top of Howard and Raj's foil trays because they didn't have a free hand.

"Read them. Get familiar with our rules," she said intently, her tone admonishing. "Two visitors at a time can stay for a thirty-minutes. The others will need to stay in the waiting room. Because there is a group of you, rotate through until everyone who wants to visit, can."

However, behind her back, a colleague was currently thwarting Sophia's businesslike manner and detached attitude. At the desk, a young male nurse had a slight frown on his face and was shaking his head and waving his hands in a dismissive manner, his body language clearly telling the group, 'don't worry about her, don't listen to her.'

Watching the scene play out behind the unknowing nurse and not wanting to give up the game, Howard snapped his attention away from the young man back to the reproachful nurse.

"Thank you, Ma'am. We will certainly do that," Howard said in his best pacifying tone.

"You may bring the food to the desk," Sophia said as she stepped aside. The members of Team Armor offered multiple 'thank you, ma'am' and 'have a good evening, ma'am' as they passed by the nurse. They slowly approached the nurse's station.

The gesticulating young man greeted them warmly. "Hey. Good evening. How we all doing tonight?"

"We're wir-azzled, thank you."

The nurse, Bobby, looked confused. "Ah … what?"

"Sheldon! Dial down the crazy, OK?" Howard returned his attention to the nurse. "We're friends of Leonard Hofstadter, room 12. And to thank you for taking such good care of him, my mother made some food for all of you," he said as he lifted the foil containers of meatballs up onto the desk.

Raj joined him and placed his foil wrapped containers beside Howard's. "And there are sausages with peppers too. And rolls to put them on," he added when Sheldon lifted the bag he had been holding.

"Oh, wow! Thank you so much! It smells delicious! You know, it's kinda rough eating the cafeteria food day in and day out. It's nice to get something home cooked."

"Well, don't worry. There'll be plenty more where that's coming from. My mother has plans to make something for all of you every day."

"Thank you! And please tell your mom don't go through any trouble. We appreciate anything! And listen, don't let what Sophia said upset you. The day crew is gone and this is the twelve-hour night shift. We're a little more lenient, a little more rule-bendy. Visitors, as long as the patient isn't being stressed, are welcome in any number. It's nice to have your friends and family together for support, in the beginning. You know, until you get used to everything, the sights, and sounds." He looked over their little band. "Although I do admit we usually don't get this many at once, three, maybe four tops. We can fudge the visitor number but we don't like to mess with the time limit and that's thirty minutes."

Howard turned to face Team Armor. "So how do we want to do this? Divide into groups of two for thirty-minute visit each pair? Or all together for one half …," he voice trailed off as he noticed that Raj had started crying.

"Raj," he asked his best friend, "what are you doing?"

"I don't know! I'm overtired and stressed and I didn't sleep well on Bernadette's couch! I'm manstruating too and having one of my weepy days."

Sheldon whispered to Howard. "I think we just found the chink in Leonard's armor."

Howard looked pained as he rubbed his hands on his face. "Oh my God. Raj! We're in public! Just like I told Sheldon! Dial down the crazy!"

"Well excuse me for being me!"

Penny looked at Raj in disbelief. "Manstruating? Really?" She turned to Bobby. "Can we go?"

"Sure. Why not." The nurse lifted the foil off the tray. "Oh, man! I'm drooling! This smells so good!"

As soon as Penny heard Bobby say 'sure', she left the pack and headed towards Leonard's room, books and magazines in her hand.

Behind her, she heard Sheldon ask, "How is Dr. Hofstadter doing tonight?"

"He's good … vitals are stable, the urine output is holding … resting comfortably."

The words 'good' and 'stable' were comforting to hear but the faint hope Penny held in her heart that the blistering and swelling had improved collapsed painfully in her heart. The bright purple bruising colored his face and the fluid filled blisters remained with little improvement. Some of the blisters had burst leaving little tufts of jagged flesh plastered against his face and chest. Soundless and immobile, the only movement was when the ventilator lifted his chest. The smell of smoke was ever present, but it had lessened a bit.

"Oh, Leonard."

The first one at the bedside, Penny grabbed Leonard's lax left hand and encircled his cold hand with her warmer one. She ran her fingers through his hair. It was soft and silky with his usual mop of fat, dark curls. Penny realized that the nurses must have managed to wash it somehow.

She only had a half-hour, and Penny intended on spending every minute of it just like this: maintaining physical contact and holding him close.

Because this was her armor.

All of her energy was concentrated on the man laying under her hands. Unspoken, Penny's touch conveyed everything.

Her fears for Leonard's health and safety, her anger at the injustice of the situation and the grievous wounds that horribly impacted this wonderful man, her care, her concern, her support, her strength, her love were amply transmitted to Leonard simply through the touch of her hands.

As always, words between them were unnecessary.

During the entire time, their friends never knew of the volumes that were spoken, of the love given and received, through two clasped hands.

_A/N: As always, Thank you for reading this far and I hope you have enjoyed the chapter and are continuing to enjoy the story. Had a fair bit of writer's block on this chapter so I hope it came out OK. Please feel free to comment, criticize, review, or question anything. _

_PS - just wanted to say how much I loved Lenny Week! Thank you to all who contributed absolutely wonderful stories! It was great to have a heaping, healthy, reaffirming daily dose of Lenny! _


	17. Chapter 17

End's Beginning – Chapter 17

While Penny held Leonard close and spoke softly to him, all around the two of them, the room was a swirl of activity.

Sheldon was sorting through the books and periodicals that Penny had carried in for him. Shuffling them in his hand, he placed them in the order that he would be presenting them to Leonard: reviewing physics fundamentals, introducing a new topic, adding new content. Intellectual stimulation. That would be his armor. Goodness knows how many brain cells Leonard had lost today and he would quite likely need aggressive stimulation to return even close to his previous level of abysmal functioning.

He would read and converse with Leonard to stimulate his intelligence, sharpen his genius. Perhaps with Leonard being unconscious, he could finally plant something of worth in Leonard's oblivious mind. After all these years, the experimental physicist could finally put to use his distracted intelligence and make worthwhile use of his genius.

With his guidance, of course.

Amy and Bernadette emptied the large shopping bags of the items that they had brought in. Howard was talking to his mother on the phone reporting that her food had been eagerly and happily received.

Raj had surreptitiously lit a small cone of dried white sage, and walked the around, sending puffs of smoke to the ceiling and every corner of Leonard's room.

"Be careful not to breathe in the smoke directly," he said as he moved around the room. "It's just a cleansing ritual, not a fumigation, so I won't be going overboard," as he walked around, waving his had as he went, wafting the smoke around the room. "Just a little purifying to embrace the positive and encourage good energy, dispelling any negativity."

Sheldon found the smoke choking and cloying. Using the magazines in his hand, he fanned his face to dispel the earthy scent. He smiled benevolently at Raj, adopting a placating facial expression that he hoped one might use to defuse a crazy person.

"Raj, a question if I may. When did you abandon rational thought and become nuttier than squirrel poop?"

At this, Raj waved his hand vindictively and sent a large puff of smoke directly at Sheldon.

"Dispelling the negativity," Raj glowered, as he looked hard at the theoretical physicist.

"Then you're gonna need a lot more sage than that," Howard offered as he returned the cell phone to his pocket, watching the interaction between the two. "But really Raj, you'd better put that out. I'm sure the room is cleansed and purified enough already. And negativity won't be dispelled with until Sheldon leaves the room anyway."

Sheldon gave a disgruntled double take towards the engineer.

"Besides," Howard continued, pointing to Leonard and then to the ventilator, "compressed oxygen," he then pointed to the tiny ember on the smoking sage, "open flame, they do not mix. So put that out before we blow the place up."

"Neither of you are making this easy," the astrophysicist huffed indignantly. "Great! Just great! Now I'm going to need a cleansing ritual for the cleansing ritual!"

Amy turned from her unpacking and spoke sternly. "Now, that's enough. Be quiet all of you."

Sheldon looked affronted. "What did I do to be included in your recrimination?"

Amy gave a look of stunned disbelief to her boyfriend. "Sheldon! We were just taking about armor, bringing all of our collective strengths together to strengthen and fortify Leonard at a time when he desperately needs our help. With the burning of sage, Rajesh is obviously bringing New Age Spirituality with alternate healing therapies such as vibrational medicine, crystals, and polarity."

Raj smiled and nodded happily as Sheldon mumbled, "it sounds like nothing more than folderol to me."

"Sheldon! We're all in this together and our friendship should be a hallowed, safe place," Amy said, indicating everyone in the room, "we should be able to freely share anything without fear or ridicule."

Raj was beaming. "Thank you, Amy. That was wonderfully said."

"And if Rajesh chooses to bask in the muck of pseudoscience, who are we to judge?"

"Just the type of snarky comment I would expect from one of the unenlightened," Raj hissed as he snuffed out the sage in a small sink.

Sheldon looked around the room at his friends. Bernadette was busily setting up a small shrine of religious articles she had purchased earlier at the St. Jude Shoppe. The microbiologist had apparently decided that the ledge created by the deep-set window with a western exposure would be a beautiful spot to set up the religious articles.

A large decorative metal and crystal cross, not the traditional crucifix associated with her Catholicism, was centered in the middle of the window.

"Look! I managed to find a statue of St. Leonard," she said happily, as she turned and held up the icon up for everyone to see. Another religious likeness, of the Blessed Virgin Mary, flanked the other side of the cross. She finished the makeshift altar with a glass figurine of a Guardian Angel, a bottle of Holy Water and four cut crystal votive candleholders. In them, she placed flameless candles. After flicking the small battery switch to on, the crystals sparkled like white gems, throwing little rainbows around the room.

With the sun setting over the hills, sending streaks of dark orange color into the deepening blue sky as a backdrop, Sheldon had to admit that the little shrine looked beautiful.

Beside her, Amy had pulled out a CD player and was busily opening packages of batteries and inserting them into the machine. Close to the Bernadette's altar was a stack of CDs piled high in a little tower. A small bottle filled with a clear fluid that had multiple wooden sticks sticking out from the open top sat beside the small music tower.

Sheldon was intrigued. "What are you doing, Amy?"

"Well, my armor will be neurological stimulation and enhancement. Research in primates clearly demonstrate that a more stimulating environment aids in recovery by increasing synaptic activity and dendrite complexity thereby increasing glial energy and capillary vascularization. I will employ measures to create an enriched environment of sounds, smells, and tactile stimulation to literally bathe Leonard in a warm neurological wash of serotonin and dopamine to facilitate neurogenesis and accelerate the healing process. Cool, huh?"

Her explanation was met with blank stares.

Amy pointed to Leonard's covered eyes. "Since Leonard can't see, I intend to appeal to his other senses: hearing, tactile, and smell. Not every stimulation needs to be extravagant, and, as such, I have brought CDs with comforting and relaxing sounds of nature and the environment to gently block out the non-healing, anxiety producing sounds of the hospital technology." Amy reached into the paper bag and brought out a dark blue blanket. "And this is a lovely, very soft cotton chenille blanket that we can put under his hand, or next to his skin, rather than the stiff hospital one, for added comfort and tactile stimulation."

Bernadette ran her hand over the cloth. "Ooooh! That is nice! It feels like velvet!"

Sheldon shook his head sadly. "So you're going to play some CDs and give him a blanket and this is going to help to make Leonard whole? Talk about pseudoscience."

Amy was affronted. "No, Sheldon. This is real science and not to be minimized."

Sheldon crossed his arms. "Hokum."

"I can prove it right now," Amy challenged as she turned and picked up the small bottle with the wooden sticks sticking out of the top. "This is a reed diffuser and the fragrance I purposely chose is vanilla oil."

The members of Team Armor were now aware of the Amy vs. Sheldon skirmish. All eyes were on Amy as she held the small bottle.

Howard watched as the neurobiologist stepped to Leonard's bedside. "Why vanilla oil?"

"Because vanilla oil is the fragrance that Penny wears, and if anything, Leonard's actions, not even twenty-four ago, indicate how important she is to him," Amy explained as she removed one of the wooden sticks and gently tapped the reed against the cap to remove excess oil.

"That's right! I remember Leonard once commented on it," Raj agreed.

"Exactly. And if I'm right, it will trigger Leonard's sense memory of Penny. In his medically induced coma, Leonard is wandering alone in a confusing, foreign landscape surrounded by nothing familiar or comforting. By providing a reassuring stimulus, we are giving him a touchstone to aid his sense memory and recovery. We can judge this by his physiologic response. We certainly can't gauge by his pupillary dilation," Amy pointed to Leonard's bound eyes, "or his respirations as they are being controlled by the ventilator. But, being on a continuous EKG," she pointed to the heart monitor, "I'm betting we will see changes in heart rhythm."

Penny worriedly bit her lip. "Ah. Amy. I don't know if that's such a good idea. What if it triggers a bad memory? We have had a complicated history …"

"It likely won't trigger a specific memory, but it will have the effect on Leonard that he will know you are close and be comforted. Enjoyment is experienced in the present and joy is not dependent on memory," Amy said as she bent over the side rail and held the vanilla oil scented stick under Leonard's nose.

"Come on, Leonard. Come on. You can do it. Smell Penny's fragrance and give mama some heart palpitations."

The room was silent as everyone, watching intently, leaned in closer and tuned in to the sound of the regular electronic lub-dub of Leonard's heart.

Concentrating her efforts on the nostril not occluded by the nasogastric tube, and carefully avoiding the breathing tube, everyone watched closely as Amy continued to wave the vanilla scented wooden reed under Leonard's nose.

Leonard's heart skipped a beat.

Bernadette put a hand over heart. "Oh my, God! That was amazing!"

Amy smiled in satisfaction. "There you have it. The vanilla scent triggered a sense of Penny and Leonard, subconsciously aware of the connection, just thought of her. It gave him pleasure and his heart skipped a beat."

"Nonsense! More neuro-psycho babble. Flawed experimentation hardly proves anything! For all we know, he could be smelling your dandruff shampoo."

Amy held the reed out to Sheldon. "Well, here you go. You do it and the results will be reproducible. Every time."

"No! No! Stop it! Enough!" Penny pulled the reed from Amy's hand. "I don't know what it proved! But I do know I don't want Leonard's heart skipping any beats! I like it just nice and regular sounding, no skipped beats, no palpitations."

Sheldon pouted petulantly. He hated losing an argument, even a puerile, ridiculous one. He glanced around the room at his friends. Looking at Bernadette's shrine, her armor was religion while, clearly, Raj and Amy's armor was malarkey.

Sheldon watched as Penny was just holding Leonard too closely, talking to him incessantly, and breathing on him. Since dreadful housekeeping, shoddy waitressing, and the stealing of food and Wi-Fi did not constitute worthy armor, he concluded that Penny's strength was blowing germs all over Leonard.

His eyes fell on Howard as he and Bernadette looked at her shrine. A question formed in his mind.

"Howard, what's your armor?"

"My armor is food. I will be bringing my mother's food to the nurses to keep them happy."

Sheldon was aghast. "How is that armor?"

Raj was aghast. "Hey! Why do you get off so easy?"

"Food transfer has a profound social significance. Our psychology, forged through evolution, has shaped us to possess the following trait: perceived sensitivity to potential gains from cooperation. It's a sharing system designed to reward mutual cooperative effort, i.e., Howard's mother gives delicious foods to the nurses, the nurses, in turn, are grateful and wanting to continue the reward of food, take better care of and are more solicitous of Leonard and his needs."

Howard smiled. "Yeah. What Amy said."

Shaking his head sadly, Sheldon did the armor tally in his head: religion, malarkey, germs, and food.

Sheldon cleared his throat. "Penny, our half hour is almost up and since, in all that time, as you haven't said anything stimulating or even necessary to Leonard, do you mind if I speak with him? I have something worthwhile to say."

"Hey! I've been saying worthwhile stuff!"

"Yes, Penny," Sheldon said in his best placating voice. "We all want Leonard to get better and I'm glad he knows that you slept in his bed, it's Monday, and that you plan to call out of work tomorrow. All of which are highly important news items. Now I have to tell him something he actually needs to know."

Penny narrowed her eyes and gave Sheldon an evil look. "Bernadette, throw some holy water on Sheldon. Let's see if he shrieks, withers, and dissolves into a pile of smoking ash."

Howard looked at Bernadette and Raj. "If he does, that would explain so much."

Raj nodded in agreement.

"Well, Leonard, all I have to say is thank goodness you have me. As per usual, I see that the task of providing you strength is mine and mine alone. Otherwise, if this is your armor," Sheldon waved his hand dismissively at his friends, "you would be doomed. The strength and protection that this collection of rabble is giving you is the equivalent of a tin foil hat."

"Quick. Get the holy water," Howard begged.

"Leonard, I have good news. Dorothy and Michael will be here to visit you on Wednesday. It was hard for them getting away, but under the circumstances, they managed to open up a small window of time. As you can imagine, they could hardly be spared from their work for any length of time as for Michael, the teaching year at Harvard has just gotten underway and Dorothy is deeply involved in her clinical trials of her genome research to delineate the spatiotemporal expression of insulin. Unfortunately, no one has yet been able to contact your mother or father because of their remote locations, but at least our efforts to notify them have been tripled. Oh, and the Research Labs will be closed for an indefinite period as the building will need to be assessed by structural engineers and, of course, there will be the inevitable extensive reconstruction. So for now, I'll be working from home and you know how much I have always liked that. And I've also brought my recorder. I've been practicing some selections to play for you. I know that you have always enjoyed it and there was the one time when I was playing for you, you smiled in your sleep."

As Sheldon played _Greensleeves_ and then _Simple Gifts from Appalachian Spring_, Penny and Bernadette removed the stiff hospital blanket and covered Leonard with the soft chenille one. Amy and Raj quietly went through the CDs she had brought and together selected the sounds of falling rain that they thought would be relaxing and nicely minimize the technology sounds.

Flameless candles flickered in the room's low lighting, the crystal rainbows glimmered, and the sounds of raindrops fell. The half hour gone, the members of Team Armor collected their things as they prepared to go. After saying good-bye, Penny started to exit as Amy rubbed her back in comfort. She turned and cast one last glance at Leonard.

Deathly pale against the dark blue blanket, Leonard looked so helpless, so injured, so broken.

Penny's heart pulsed in her throat and tears burned her eyes.

"I can't … I can't leave him like this … I don't want him to be alone," she cried as she started to walk back into the room.

Amy grabbed her arm. "Penny, wait. Remember what Grace said to us this morning?"

Penny nodded as her tears rolled down her face and over her hand she had pressed against her mouth, stifling her sobs.

Amy pulled her into a hug. "Its all right," she said soothingly. "Leonard needs us, but more than that, he needs us to be strong. You have to take care of yourself and keep your strength up. Sometimes, you have to be a little selfish. But it can be especially painful at a time like this when you are conflicted. But leaving is the right thing to do."

"So come now," Bernadette offered, supporting Amy. "We'll go eat, share a nice meal, and then head back home and you can get some rest. The morning is just a few hours away, you can come back then."

Unable to speak, Penny just nodded.

Amy and Bernadette, their arms protectively wrapped around her, led a sobbing Penny from the room. Once in the hallway, several nurses, pointing at the sandwiches in their hands, waved at them and thanked them for the food. A few even asked Howard if his mother would share her meatball recipe.

As they made their way to the exit, they were halted by a familiar voice. The speaker's shock and sadness was evident from the tone of his voice, his words floating out on a defeated sigh as his dread became realization.

"Oh, no! It really is Leonard."

Everyone turned to see Stuart, Albino Bob, Lonely Larry, and Captain Sweatpants coming towards them in the ICU hallway. Stuart held a bouquet of 'Get Well' flowers in his hand.

"Oh, guys! Oh, man! I'm so sorry! We weren't sure if it was Leonard," Stuart said as he indicated the comic book patrons standing with him, "we just had to see for ourselves."

"Hey, Stuart. Sorry we didn't get back to you. It's just been one hell of a day," Howard apologized.

"Oh, no! No problem. Really. I can imagine! Wow! So it really is Leonard! We were hoping by some small miracle it wasn't. The papers, they got his name wrong, we were so hopeful. But, man. The videos. Wow! As much as we didn't want to believe, you couldn't argue with …"

"Videos?! What videos?!" Bernadette barked.

"… such clarity," the store owner trailed off.

Stuart eyes widened and blinked in surprise as realization dawned on him. He unconsciously took a step back from Bernadette as she snarled and bared her teeth. His knuckles whitened as he squeezed the flower stems in his hand.

"Oh, my God! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! You didn't know … about all the … the You Tube videos …" Stuart stammered, " …of Leonard dancing and … getting … blown up. I'm sorry! I didn't know that you didn't know!"

Howard, Raj, and Sheldon guiltily glanced at one another. Howard and Raj had told Sheldon about the leaked surveillance footage and the video manipulations of Leonard's dance. But not wanting to upset the girls, especially Penny, they decided not to share the information.

Not just yet anyway.

"All the videos?" Bernadette turned to Howard. "Howard! You said you couldn't breach security to get to the surveillance footage."

"It's true! It's true! We couldn't," Howard defended. "But someone else did and … and put it up on You Tube."

"What's this dance thing?"

"Leonard does this goofy happy dance in the hallway ... before anything happens. He's alone, so it's after he left Penny … at the time when we think he was heading to the vending machines."

"And Stuart said 'all the videos'," Amy asked, joining in the conversation and wanting clarification. "All what videos?"

Howard sighed heavily. "Some people have edited out the dance," here he glanced at Penny's horrified expression, "and … put it to music," he added wincing.

"It's gone viral. There are already over 800 different treatments of the dance. Some of which are surprisingly clever," Albino Bob said, not picking up on the awkward situation and the ladies clear distress.

"Ixnay onhay ethay iralvay anceday," Stuart said as he lowered his head and hissed to him in pig Latin. He then looked at Penny. "Penny. I'm so sorry! I didn't know! I would never want to upset you and make things worse."

In all her life, Penny never knew that hurt and injustice could cut so deep. She wiped the tears off it her cheeks but realized it was useless as the old were quickly replaced by the new.

"It's all right, Stuart. You didn't do anything." That she managed to stay calm and speak in a normal timber of voice surprised her. "It's just the douchebags on the Internet."

Stuart nodded. "It is."

"Hey. We were just heading out to dinner," Howard said and pointed to the comic book store regulars, "would you all like to join us? Its nights like this when you need the company of your friends."

The comic book store contingent all nodded and Stuart spoke for the group. "Yes. That would be nice, thank you. Do you mind if we first have a quick visit with Leonard? I want to leave the flowers and tell him my family are praying for him."

"And I want to see if there's any blood," Albino Bob added as he, Captain Sweatpants and Lonely Larry turned and headed towards the nursing station.

Stuart looked stricken. "He's not … a friend, really … just a marginal hanger-oner," he meekly defended.

"Yes. Now go visit and then we can discuss your armor because this group," Sheldon waved his hand indicating his friends, "are bringing absolutely nothing to the table."

Stuart looked perplexed. "Sure, sure. No problem."

…..

The smell of smoke infiltrated his unconsciousness and became part of his dreams.

"Oh, my God! Sheldon!" Leonard screamed as he watched thick grey smoke rapidly fill the apartment. "Sheldon! The building is on fire! We have to get out!"

Leonard watched horrified as orange flames began to lick up the walls as the floor had become a wave of motion as a host of panicked white rats began to skitter through the apartment.

"Sheldon! We have to get out now! I'm going to get Penny!"

But the room was expanding, the space between his hand and the door ever lengthening, forever out of his grasp.

Try as he might, he would never reach the door.

They were trapped.

There was no escape.

"NO!"

Crying, Leonard fell to his knees.

He screamed to the door. "Penny! Get out! Get out! Please get out! There are rats! Stay away from the rats!"

" … it triggers a bad memory …"

He heard Penny's voice and his heart skipped a beat. Her voice and Sheldon's were far away and muffled, like trying to hear underwater.

Sheldon's calm voice "… I've brought my recorder … I've been practicing some selections to play for you …"

"Sheldon! You're practicing the recorder?! The building is on fire! You crazy bastard! We need to get out!"

The smoke was filling the room, it was getting hard to breathe. Leonard fell forward onto his hands and lowered himself to the floor, trying to crawl away.

He had to get away!

It would be easier to breathe here on floor … no, no … it wasn't …

Hard to breathe … hard to breathe …

Trying to pull in air …

Desperate to pull in air …

It hurt …

It hurt …

It hurt …

Everywhere …

Laying on the floor gasping …

Leonard laughed mirthlessly as he rested his burning cheek against the cool floor.

_Jesus! Sheldon's playing the recorder! Like Nero fiddling while Rome burned!_

"Penny! Sheldon! We need to get out!"

Penny's voice floating above him, mixing with the grey smoke and orange flame, "… leave him like this …"

"No! Please! Penny! Help me! It's hard to breathe! I don't think I can stand."

Straining to see through the smoke, Leonard was suddenly aware of the looming presence over his shoulder. In the grey shadows, a tall thin man stood, a hammer held loosely in his hand, the metal glinting orange, reflected by the fire.

"I see you, rat."

"What?"

A hand grabbed his hair and roughly pulled his head up, shaking it ferociously. The movement sent pains rebounding through his body. The pain choked him as he watched the smoky apartment spin.

"I said, 'I see you, rat,' was screamed at him between furious shakes.

The man, his left hand still tightly grasping Leonard's hair, held his head steady while he made a fist with his right. His arm came forward in a powerful, vicious swing.

Leonard had just closed his eyes when the fist impacted with his face, sending his head snapping back. Painful, white hot stars exploded in his head. Follow-up kicks to his ribs added to the agonizing stabbing pains in his chest and side.

"Ah ... ah ... ah ..."

The hand was back in his hair viciously shaking his head.

"Hey. Dumb Fuck. You know you're dead, right?"

His hand abruptly released the clump of hair in his fist and Leonard's head fell limply to the floor.

The man knelt by his side.

"You know what I do. I dissect rats. And that's what I'm going to do you. I'm gonna cut your fucking heart out," he said as effortlessly twirled the hammer in his hand. "You're mine. And you know what? No one's gonna care."

Leonard could feel his awareness fading; painless, warm blackness was coming for him. The confusing images swirled and faded. He let himself drift mercifully away.

…..

_A/N – Sorry for the wait, hopefully the chapter was worthwhile. As __always, comments, criticisms, questions or reviews are always welcome and very much appreciated. _


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